


Hawke : Couple Therapist Extraordinaire

by Creepikat



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: 30 days relationship challenge, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Or not, and dont realize they piss off everyone, and in truth dont despise the other that much, fenris and anders are bickering kids, hawke would make a great therapist, its their really twisted way to show their affection, or mocking everything the other do, sort of, they just got used to acting like jerks around each other, you know its these two in a group of friend who bicker constantly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-17 16:00:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 54,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5876938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Creepikat/pseuds/Creepikat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fenris and Anders argue a lot, often, about everything. It had become casual for them, normal, and they don't realize how it piss off everyone till Garrett Hawke cracks and put them through a 30 days relationship challenges trial.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day 1

**Author's Note:**

> For the Fenders February I decided to try a 30 days (yeah I know theres only 29 days this month but whatever) relationship challenge. Modern!AU, College Setting, Roommates Hawke’s Squad. Wish me luck.

“This time it’s enough !” 

Anders and Fenris froze. It was one of the rare time they heard Garrett Hawke get angry and the first time it was directed at someone from their dysfunctional little family squad. Directed at them. They knew their banters were irritating and got on a lot of people’s nerves. But to piss off Garrett Hawke they truly must have gone too far this time. 

“I understand you two are not the best of friends and have a hard time getting along but I’m done with your relentless bickering, it’s all what’s coming out of your mouth these last weeks !”

They had the decence to stop glaring at each other for a second in order to give Hawke a sheepish look. But unlike most times, it didn’t work to make this angry frown vanish from his face.

“We get it, Anders is an annoying idiot who always complain about everything and scream injustice over every little problem he encounter.” He said to Fenris. Then turned to Anders. “ We get it, Fenris is a broody, violent jerk who only care for himself and is too insensitive to have empathy for you. Now that we etablished this and know you can’t stand each other, can we know then why you still share an appartment ? Hum ? Because it seems really stupid when i see how well you cohabit together.”

They both glared at the floor. They knew Hawke was right but they both had reasons to endure this. Anders because he had no time to search for a new appartment, too busy with his studies and militanting associations and his work at the clinic. Fenris because he was getting comfortable with a roommate who cleaned up in his place and handled his messy habits even if he complained about it. Also because Anders made one hell of a hungover decoction. It was also because they were both too proud to quit first and abandon the appartment to the other. It was a really nice appartment after all.

“I won’t get an answer right ? Fine. Continue to dumbly suffer the other’s presence if you want to. But I’m tired of your drama and I’m sure it won’t stop until we find a way to make you tolerate each other and act civil together. So I’m gonna force you to get along and construct a healthier relationship. This way everybody will live happily ever after and you’ll both will thank me for this. ”

Fenris groaned, Anders rolled his eyes.

“You don’t believe me ? Okay, I had this prepared for a long time and I wished I didn’t have to use it but you leave me no choice. Anders, Fenris, starting tomorrow you will participate in a thirty days relationship challenges trial.”

They snorted at that, for once silently agreeing on something : the inevitable fail of Hawke’s grand plan.

“Every day during one month I will give you a new challenge that will help you improve your relationship and learn about each other.”

“Right. Not going to do that.” Anders retorted.

Fenris made a reluctant noise of approval. 

“Who said I am giving you any choice ? Anders if you refuse to do it I won’t let you come at the shelter anymore, you can say goodbye to Lady Whiskers, Ser Pudding-Paws and Miss Fitz-Feral.”

“What ?! You have no right ! It…It is unjust !” Anders looked positively outraged.

Fenris snickered mockingly. 

“Oooooh don’t look so smug Fenris.” Hawke warned in a tone the elf didn’t like at all. “You will participate too. Or do you want me to show everyone this really interesting video Isabella took last party when you were drunkenly confessing your darkest desires ?”

The elf’s skin paled so mutch it almost matched his tattoos.

“You wouldn’t dare…” He hissed between his barred teeth.

“Bite me !” Hawke snorted. “Now that you both know what I’m capable of to see you advance on the path of a new and loving relationship, I believe you will cooperate nicely and cease your fighting for the duration of this little trial, right ?”

“And what if we still hate each other at the end, something I have no doubt about ?” Anders glared at him, betrayed.

“Well I will declare you officially hopeless and I will ask one of you to quit this damn appartment or just shut your mouth forever about all the horrors the other did to you, you poor martyrs.”

Anders and Fenris crossed their arms on their chest, their body language betraying their opinion about this odious blackmail. But finally they turned toward the other and exchanged an understanding yet still hateful stare. 

“Fine.”

“Fine. But you better not make me hug him if you want to keep your masculine attributes Hawke.”

This one shrugged in front of Fenris’s menaces. With what he had on camera, he knew he was safe from the elf’s murder attempts for a long time. Opening his phone, he went on a therapy website, the cheesiest and most embarassing one he had found, and searched for the list of everyday challenges. Snickering when he reread them. Well if they had to do this, should at least have a good laugh at these two impossible idiots right ? But he had a heart too, and he found it important to let them know about his great mildness.

“Be happy I spare you the first day or you would be dancing in my living-room on the most syrupy song I could find.”

They both spluttered and left the room with stomping steps. Hawke sighed tiredly. Behind him, Varric, who had stayed silent until then, snickered.

“You’re too kind Hawke, giving me material for mine and Isabela’s friend fiction.”

“Yeah I know, I’m like this, always taking care of everyone’s happiness.”


	2. Day 2

_Write your partner a note and hide it somewhere they are likely to find it._

That was the text Hawke sent over and over, all night long. No kidding. Anders had around twenty messages when he woke up, the order assaulting him first thing in the morning. He grunted tiredly, why did he agree to this ? Oh right, the cats. Fenris had mocked him for this, saying he at least could have refused in front of such weak blackmail material. But he didn’t know that petting cats and helping at the shelter was a very important part of Anders’s life, he didn’t care anyway. 

It was going to be difficult, this trial, but, as much as he hated admitting it, maybe it would do a little good. At least it couldn’t make things worse. Things had gone not too bad with Fenris actually after some months. Sure they disagreed on a lot of things but they slowly stopped to yell at each other. And true they still bickered a lot but it was more like a..routine thing ? A way to vent a little with someone they knew could take their frustration and throw it back to them ? 

He had no idea but after some months it was less hateful, more casual, not as venomous as first. But he understood why it irritated other people, people who couldn’t handle their stressful attitudes and had no idea they didn’t really want to kill each other anymore. Hell Fenris hadn’t hissed at him the last time he had healed his wounded hand, cut by the glasses shards of a bottle he had accidentally dropped. He had almost looked grateful even if no ‘thank you’ left his mouth. He guessed it had just been worse these last weeks because they were both tired and unnerved and they just needed a punching-ball otherwise they would have imploded around someone else and would have regretted it later. For Anders it was just a bad period of the year, one during which he was moody and angsty and Fenris was just here, the perfect person to relieve himself by getting angry at. Unfortunately Hawke didn’t know about this and just presumed he was truly going to receive a call from one of them asking him to hide a corpse one day. 

Maybe he should make it up to him, and to their other friends who endured their banters, by taking this challenge seriously after all. He could try at least, and see what happened. Couldn’t make things any worse like he said. And maybe he could even turn this into a fun thing that would cheer him up a little during this hard period of the year.

With a mischevious step, he took a post-it. And entered the bathroom where, without surprise, Fenris’s clothes were spread everywhere, like every fucking morning.

 

oOo

 

With the happiness of a drowned cat, Fenris staggered to the shower, eyes still half-closed, body numb with sleep. He already wasn’t a morning person but the thousands messages he just saw on his phone made it worse today. Yes he saw what today challenge was, yes he knew Hawke had blackmail material, fuck he knew…But he still wasn’t happy to do this stupid trial. It had bothered him until late last night and it was still clouding his hazy thoughts now.

He hadn’t meant to annoy everyone with their banter. He liked Hawke and Varric and Isabella and Aveline and even Merrill despise the fact she was also a damn mage. He was grateful for their friendship and cares and he hated the thoughts of them getting tired of him. He was scared of it. 

He knew his relationship with the mage had been more chaotic than usual lately. The bickering, that calmed down for a while, had suddenly increased in the last week. Something was wrong with Anders, he looked more stressed than usual, which was a prowess. And the consequences had been more susceptibility, more heated exchanges, more glares and complaints. Fenris had accepted them and sent the same amount back. After all it was how their relationship worked. He knew most people didn’t think it was healthy but it had became way less toxic with time. Even now, despise the fact that every word Anders adressed him these last days was tainted with anger, it was less hurtful than before. There was no real viciousness behind Anders’s reproaches lately, no, Fenris only sensed a great fatigue and anxiosity. And apparently the mage tried to appease it by picking on him. It was fine by him, after all it wasn’t like he was helpless and couldn’t hit back.

But maybe…maybe it wasn’t the sole nor best solution after all. He hated to say it but maybe this challenge could do some good. Maybe it could calm down Anders in another way, after all if they learned to get a long a bit more maybe he would be less stressed at home and the need to relieve his frustration less important. And above everything else it would please Hawke, and he wanted to please Hawke after everything he did for him. So be it, he would try. He wouldn’t be overly kind or understanding with the mage but he would try.

Sighing he got out of his shower, dried himself and grabbed the nearest jeans on the floor, putting them on without anything underneath. It made him smirk a little, Isabella could try to guess the color of his underwear for a long time. But soon the smirk disappeared when he noted his jeans were terribly uncomfortable. Like…itchy even. A bit panicked, he quickly slipped them off and looked inside. 

Post-its. Tons and tons of post-its. Dumbfounded, he picked one.

_STOP LEAVING YOUR CLOTHES ON THE FLOOR._

And another.

_I DIDN’T BUY A FREAKING LAUNDRY BASKET FOR NOTHING._

And another.

_IT IS TERRIBLY UNHYGIENIC AS A FUTURE DOCTOR I CAN’T LET YOU ENDANGER YOURSELF ANY LONGER._

And another.

_AS LONG AS YOU WON’T PUT THEM ON A SHELF OR IN THE BASKET YOU’LL FIND POST-IT IN YOUR CLOTHES EVERY MORNING._

And every each of them was like this, a threath or a lecture about his messy and dirty habits. Apparently the mage vented out his frustration on the little pieces of papers before leaving this morning. It was a nice change considering that usually he would just open his bedroom’s door and throw his clothes at him with a snarky comment. Less noisy and aggressive and it let him sleep a little longer. The only drawback was that he had to inspect his clothes from now on. Or just finally accept to use shelves and spare Anders of at least one of his messy habits. 

And if it could make the mage unwind his stress via stupid jokes instead of constant and tiring banters then maybe Hawke’s challenges were a good idea after all. But it didn’t mean he had to endure and not reply just because Anders wasn’t directly yelling at him…

 

oOo

 

“That’s absolutely not funny Fenris ! Stop snickering ! It doesn’t even follow the rules, it wasn’t hidden !”

Fucking elf, fucking challenge, fucking post-it stuck all over his bed. Post-its with a retort for each one of the reproach he wrote him this morning. How this bastard managed to do this in the short time he was at home this morning was beyond him. But he did. And he looked really proud of it.

“Stop whining mage, at least you didn’t almost cut your ass while slipping in your jeans this morning.”

Anders tried really hard not to laugh, he wanted to look angry damnit. He failed. 

Okay maybe this challenge definitely wasn’t such a bad idea if it managed to make them smile at the same time. 


	3. Day 3

_Ask your partner about their favorite part of their day._

Hawke wasn’t really pleased with the way they handled their first challenge. Arms crossed, brows furrowed, Fenris and Anders tensed when they joined him for a drink in the evening and saw this expression on his usually goofy face.

“It’s supposed to be a challenge to improve your relationship, not to improve your pranks skills.”

“Oh but it improved it greatly, this morning there was only one shirt on the bathroom’s floor.” Anders smirked.

Fenris glared at him, he answered by poking his tongue out. Hawke rolled his eyes.

“Hurrah ! Happy for you ! But it’s not by correcting Fenris’s messy habits that you’re going to make him appreciate you.”

Both choked on their drinks.

“I don’t wish for him to appreciate me, I’m not that utopian.”

“Well at least tolerate each other ! Starting a prank war won’t resolve your tensions !”

Fenris begged to differ. Anders was less annoying, well as much as it was possible, when he put post-it in his clothes instead of screaming at him first thing in the morning. 

“From now on I’ll ask you to do this a little more seriously. And I want proofs of your daily achievements. Starting now. You know what today’s challenge is I presume..”

“No we totally didn’t see the hundred of messages you harassed us with today.” Anders snorted and Fenris had to restrain a smirk. He didn’t want to look like he found the mage funny, from time to time. It would make Hawke’s day when he didn’t deserve such reward for putting them through this.

“Shut up and work on your challenge instead. Come on, I want to hear you both talk about your favorite part of the day to the other. And no snarky comments or argument about it, you listen seriously and respectfully to the other.”

In front of their far-from-impressed faces, he softened a little.

“Please ?” He sent them a tiny, sheepish smile he KNEW they wouldn’t resist. This bastard.

“Fine.” Anders groaned. “Let’s see…Oh I loved this moment Fenris totally forgot my threath from yesterday and put on the only shirt he left on the bathroom’s floor. What did you cut this time again ? Your nipples ?”

Fenris narrowed his eyes. Right, Anders wasn’t the only one who could play this little game.

“I adored the moment the mage laughed at me and choked on his tea for five good minutes. For a moment I thought he was dying, truly a beautiful vision.”

“I revered this instant where Fenris tried to look smug while drinking his coffee and forgot it was scalding hot. How is your tongue ?”

“Better than this time you tried to unnerve me by magically heating your food and burned yours. It backfired really well if I can say.”

“Oh and this time I just used magic to revive one the plant you forgot to water and you jumped so high you flied above the couch and crashed on the floor ?”

“And this time…”

“Guys !” Hawke tried to stop them, face hidden in his palms, trying to conceal his exhaustion and annoyance. “Guys I said you favorite part of the day, not the favorite part of your dysfunctional relationship.”

“This time you had nothing to wear except for this ridiculous pink skirt.”

“Hey I like this skirt ! Still better than this time you insisted to take out the trash bare feet like the savage you are and you walked in dog poop.”

Hawke actually snickered a little at that. Fenris suddenly turned toward him with a really, really dark glare.

“This time Hawke thought he could be play fire-eater and set his beard on fire.”

“Hey ! You’re not supposed to drag me into th..”

“This time he drunkenly tried to charm Meredith when she caught us on campus in the middle of the night.” Anders supplied with a blooming, mischevious grin.

“This time he bragged he could take on Aveline easily and challenged her to arm-wrestling.”

“Oh this time I had to put his elbow back into place ?”

“Hm hm.”

“This time he mistook Carver for a guy he had a crush on at a party and he actually grabbed his little brother’s ass.”

Fenris actually let out a laugh at that. 

“I hate you both. How can you despise each other so much but still find it in you to ally in order to mock me.”

“The ennemy of my ennemy is my ally except when he’s an overgrown child trying to put me through a stupid relationship trial.” Fenris retorted. Anders snorted at that.

Hawke groaned, face smashing the table in despair. But at least Fenris and Anders actually bonded over something even if it was at his expense. There were no small victories…

“You know if you would give up and let us be you wouldn’t have to be dragged into…” Anders tried to imply not so subtetly

“Absolutely not. I still have many ideas and I’m determined to make you two enjoy living together.”

Anders shrugged and started to hum _Imagine_ mockingly. Fenris smirked.


	4. Day 4

_Stare into each other’s eyes and smile sincerely for at least two minutes._

“Stop laughing Anders !” Hawke was positively pouting by now.

“It’s not my fault, Fenris looks constipated when he tries to smile !” The mage giggled, trying to keep eyecontact with the elf. “At least mine’s genuine !”

They hadn’t been convinced by this stupid challenge at first but Isabella’s promise to forget Anders’s game’s debts pushed him to accept it. Then some teasing to attack Fenris’s pride sufficed to drag him into this.

“Oooooh I love this, you could barely cut through this sexual tension…” Isabella wiggled on her seat, chin in her hands, leaning forward with a greedy sparkle in her eyes. 

“What ? I thought it was only to make Anders and Fenris become friends, not lovers.” Merrill chirped, looking perplexed though it was partially due to alcohol.

“That’s only the first phase of the plan kitten..After this 30 days relationship bullshit challenge I have a 30 days kinky sex challenge in store. And if even Hawke managed to lure them into this let me tell you it will be a piece of cake for me.”

Hawke choked on his drink and Varric patted him sympathetically. Anders tried not to roll his eyes as it would him makes lose the challenge. And despise himself he felt a blush spread on his cheeks. He would die before doing any kind of kinky challenge with Fenris. 

Even if he had really beautiful eyes, he had to admit, now that he had to stare into them for more than one minute. Big, expressive, moss green eyes…A little hazy with alcohol. And widened by the efforts. Anders thought he was trying not to blink. Would explain why they also looked a little wet. Shit it was kind of cute…

On his side Fenris was trying really hard to focus on the mage. Which was a bit difficult when his vision was a little blurry and…and when the damn mage was smiling like this. A true wide grin even if it was mocking and caused by his own lack of competence at using nice facial expressions. A bright, bright, bright grin that almost made him look…handsome ? 

Ugh…He needed another drink. Blindly he reached for his bottle and tried to guide it to his mouth, determined not to lose the challenge. He failed. It landed a bit farther. In his nose. Fenris swore and slammed back the bottle on the table. His hand massaged his sore nose while, before him, Anders exploded with an excessive hilarity, not really sober either.  

“Oh maker, Hawke thank you for this challenge…Truly…” He panted between two fit of laughter. 

His gaze dropped for a second, enough for Fenris to replace his scowl with a smirk. “You lost stupid.”

“See he can smile beautifully. When he wins.” Varric snorted, shaking his head in front of his friends’s antics.

“Or when I imagine hundreds of ways to kill the mage during his sleep.” He threatened.

It didn’t work, Anders was still laughing breathlessly, practically falling off his chair, alcohol fueling him with glee and clumsiness. Fenris tried to convince himself he was really smirking because of his victory. And certainly not because the damn mage’s giggles were contagious and not as awful to hear as usual.

Tomorrow he would scowl and not thank him for the hangover medication to prove it. 


	5. Day 5

_Pick a flower and leave it with a note for them to find._

It was past noon when Fenris finally woke up and dragged his feet out of his bedroom. He had a free day, no work, no classes. Just him, the couch, apples and Orange Is The New Black. Oh and the hangover decoction waiting for him on the kitchen’s table.

Despise his grumpiness and the pounding headache pulverizing his brain, a small smile spreaded on his lips. Anders’s had his flaws but he could never blame him of not caring about people’s health, no matter if he regularly called them broody jerks. It was one of the rare if not the only thing he appreciated in the mage. Eyes still half-lidded due to the fatigue and pain, he poured himself a glass and swallowed it, grimacing at the sour taste yet thankful when he instantly felt its effect. 

He reached for the fruit basket, searching an apple to wash the taste off his tongue. However his hand didn’t find the smooth texture of his favorite fruit. 

“FUCK !” 

He backed away in a flash, cradling his injured fingers. Eyes now wide open, he discovered the reason of his pain, innocently nestled among the fruits. A cactus. A fucking cactus. 

“What the…”

A note was stuck behind it.

_This lovely plant (not a flower unfortunately, Hawke will give me a malus for this, boohoo poor me) reminded me of your bright, soft, gentle personnality, I hope you like it <3_

Blood would be spilled tonight.

 

oOo

 

“Fenris ?” 

Anders cautiously poked his head in the appartment, waiting for the elf to tackle him and rip out his heart. After all if his plan worked like he intended it to, he had reasons to do so.

“Jerk face ?”

Nothing. Well. Still on his guards, he walked through the corridor, passed the living-room and entered his room. It hadn’t been a long day but he was still tired from last night’s party, even if he didn’t drink that much. He had used his short energy’s stocks to listen during his classes and now he felt dead. He needed a nap. Uggggh but he also needed to study…And write for his activist blog..And…

Ugh nope, nap first.

With a tired sigh he let himself fall on the mattress. And squealed.

“What the hell is that ?!”

He jumped on his feet and turned around, gasping when he saw what exactly was on his bed. 

“This fucking asshole…”

Flowers. Around five or six withered flowers. With roots. And huge blocks of dirt at the end of these. He touched his back. His hair, neck and shirt were plastered with it. And something else. He grabbed it with fumbling hands. It was a note.

_I count on you to explain to Miss Rose why some of her flowers are missing. At least I put them on your towel instead of the sheets, thank me for small mercies._

He indeed put a towel between the flowers and his sheets. It was…nice…in a weird and unexpected manner. And it was maybe the reason why, instead of seething with rage, he had to press his hand on his mouth to stiffle a nervous giggle. It was surely the exhaustion. And the absurdity of this prank. It shouldn’t be funny. It should be annoying. He should be plotting a revenge. But instead he smothered his laughter and slipped on the floor, his hilarity draining his last reserves of energy. He closed his eyes for a little while.

When he woke up it was almost diner time and the mess was still on his bed. It wasn’t as funny as before yet he didn’t have the energy to get angry either. With a sigh he started to clean his bed and salvaged the flowers by putting them in a spare bowl. He still could sneak them back in Miss Rose’s pots and avoid a terribly long and boring lecture about how young people were awful and insolent these days. 

“Enjoyed my little present ?”

Fenris was in the doorway, sweaty and panting, his shirt sticking to his well defined muscles and way too attractive. Damn, Anders hated his daily jogging. The Maker was testing him, putting him with someone this hot and hateful at the same time when he was so lonely and needy. Temptation and repulsion in the same package. 

So, instead of letting this cursed solitude get to him and weaken his annoyance, he tried to glare at Fenris.

“Watch your back jerk, next time it might be on your seat that I’ll put this cactus.”

Fenris snorted, not impressed. Anders sighed, neither was he convinced by his own menaces. He was too tired to execute them tonight. 


	6. Day 6

_Write on your facebook page something you appreciate about your partner._

Anders didn’t think Fenris would actually respond to this one. Not because he had given up but because he was never posting anything on facebook or any other websites. People posted things on his page yet he never returned the favor nor replied to their post directly. Between them two the social media fan was more Anders, which was why he didn’t miss the occasion to make internet aware of their ongoing war…challenge…whatever.

 

 

With a little satisfied smile he had posted this in the morning and waited for Hawke’s angry comments with an impatient grin. Pissing off Garrett was extremely delightful sometimes. When he deserved it. Which he did, a lot. Even more since it was actually hard to anger him, this challenge was a blessing. 

He worked, he ate, he talked and forgot about it quickly, overwhelmed by all his occupations. It’s only when he opened facebook again to check on his comments that he saw something astonishing.

Fenris had posted something. 

 

 

He. Was. Shocked. Which was why he practically jumped on Fenris with a smug grin when this one went home from work. 

“I made you post something on facebook.”

Fenris quirked an eyebrow.

“I made you post something on facebook ! My powers have no limits !”

“Hawke’s blackmail has no limits. As does your tendency to neglect grocery shopping.”

With a disdainful snort he dropped a heavy bag on the kitchen’s table. Anders stared at it, suddenly feeling really sheepish. Fenris and him didn’t share a lot but there was something they silently agreed on. It was to do common groceries shopping to save some money and make it easier for both of them. Neither was rich (even if he suspected Fenris of having some savings somewhere, he wore clothes of nice qualities and bought the tv and games consoles after all) and neither had a ton of free time so they took turns. Plus shopping for someone else, even if he pissed you off regularly, obliged you to eat every day and take care of youserlf a little. Which was…a good thing for people like them who sometimes had the unhealthy habit to neglect themselves.

“It’s not because you only eat once every months that you have to force me into your diet.” Fenris groaned, like if he read his thoughts the asshole. 

“Yes mom…” Anders grimaced. And he added, because there was no way he would leave on this note. “You’re just grumpy because I made you post something on facebook.”

Fenris glared at him and took back the peanut butter he had put on their shared part of the shelves. Anders felt way less guilty suddenly.


	7. Day 7

_Give warm greetings and farewells._

“Stop glaring at me ! It was a joke !”

Fenris still stared at him from across the room, all the hate of the world boiling in his moss green eyens. They were darker than ever. Anders groaned.

“Okay maybe I went a little too far…”

“That’s how you qualify welcoming me by invoking fire ?”

One of the elf’s eyebrow quirked and his mouth twisted in his favorite ‘I-will-murder-you-in-your-sleep-and-nobody-will-find-your-body’ rictus. The one he reserved for Anders whenever he used his magic. This one’s rant became a little less confident.

“Hawke’s text said to give warm greetings and I thought…I mean…”

“You mean you didn’t think.” 

Okay he guessed he deserved that one. He knew about Fenris’s aversion toward magic and even if they argued a lot on this topic, he had his reasons and he understood them. After all Tevinter wasn’t like the rest of Thedas. He always respected patient’s wishes at the clinic when they prefered to be healed ‘normally’. And he usually even respected Fenris’s dislike and tried not to use his gift too much around him, only for emergencies. But…He guessed he got carried away by this whole prank war and…didn’t think yeah. Not that he was going to admit it.

Instead he sighed and massaged his sore nose. He had managed to fix it after Fenris’s punched him in the face, even if this one’s hisses multiplied. The elf’s head, however, had not been taken care of even though it hit the wall rather brutally. Okay, even if he didn’t recognize his wrongs he still could try to appease his furious roommate one way or another. So he walked to the fridge and took a pack of ice cubes in the freezer. Wrapping them in a clean towel, he took a big inspiration before turning around with a sheepish smile.

“Here.”

Fenris immediatly crawled a little farther on the couch. 

“It’s only ice cubes in a towel..” He sighed, attempting to hand him the package. 

The other eyed him suspiciously, his eyes darting from the towel to his face, searching the lie. It actually made Anders feel uneasy and…hurt ?

“No magic, I promise. It was…a poor joke okay ? I won’t do this again.”

Fenris’s stare was still hostile but he saw in his eyes that he was considering…this peace offering of some sort.

“Come on, it’s going to swell and hurt a lot if you don’t apply some ice.” 

Finally, the elf reached for the package. Snatching it from Anders’s hand, like if he wanted to prove him he wasn’t forgiven or trusted yet. Then he rubbed it on his head and relief washed away some of the rage filling his eyes. 

Biting his lips, the mage hesitated a minute before asking his question. But his doctor’s instinct won in the end.

“Would you let me take a look ?”

Immediatly suspicion painted Fenris’s features anew. Suspicion he earned he guessed. After months of never using magic in the appartment or at least in the common rooms, he broke the sacred rule. Really, he should have thought better and not let these damn challenges get to his head. 

“I just want to check if it’s not badly bruised or even cut…It’s my duty as a future doctor.”

Fenris scoffed at that. The gesture somehow revived the pain and he cringed, massaging his head a little stronger with the ice. Anders’s compassionate nature couldn’t handle this. Pride be damned.

“Okay I get it, you don’t trust me and it’s normal because only a freaking idiot would do this to someone who despise magic, even if it’s not for all the good reasons ! But you know I take healing seriously, you saw me do it tons of time with or without magic ! You even saw me take care Sebastian, without tricking him, and the Maker knows I sometimes wish to strangle him with this damn Andraste’s belt hanging over his crotch ! You know I act professionnally when it comes to healing so let me take a look at this, I just want to make sure my stupid joke is not going to irreversibly affect you brain…” 

He didn’t know if Fenris was looking annoyed or impressed by his fast and passionate rant but he didn’t care. The only thing he wanted to know was if it worked. If it granted him the elf’s mighty forgiveness. This one seemed still a little hesitant and Anders’s had to force his last weapon out of his throath.

“…I’m sorry okay. Let me take a look now. Please Fenris ?”

It burnt. He almost sounded pleading. Urgh. Yet it worked its magic…uh well..it worked. 

Fenris’s eyed widened briefly and, after a reluctant grunt and a roll of his eyes, he dropped the ice pack. With a little pinched smile, because even if it worked he still had to kind of use something way too close to begging for his liking, Anders approached. Cautiously, he parted Fenris’s white hair and inspected his skull. Nothing, thank the Maker. He felt the elf tensing yet he didn’t push him away instantly, only after a dozen of seconds, a little victory in itself. 

His hand brushed against his ear and something terribly close to a gasp escaped Fenris’s mouth. Anders was taken aback for a minute as he saw some red spread on the elf’s neck and cheeks. And ears. Fenris glared at him, his features hardening as he obviously tried to fight back his flush. Oh. Right. elves’s ears were sensitive. Anders thoughts drifted a little. He liked ears. Earlobes to be specific. He realized what he was thinking about and groaned mentally. NOPE. 

Thankfully Fenris and his snarky, pissed off voice were here to bring him back to reality.

“Okay mage, see, nothing wrong. I’m stronger that your scrawny self.”

“Yes…” Anders reluctantly took a step back, still a bit worried. “Well I always said you had a thick skull, nothing can get through it.” He added to cover his concern, after all it wasn’t how their relationship worked, they didn’t show their worry for each other if worry there was. 

“Shut up mage or I punch you in the nose again.” There was a little smirk on Fenris’s features and, weirdly, it made Anders smirk too. 

“No thanks. No more ‘warm greetings’.”

“Never.”

“I swear. Oh maker…”

“What ?” Fenris frowned, ice pack back on his wounded head.

“Just thought that if Isabella was here she would suggest another kind of warm greeting.” He forced a grimace on his face.

When in fact, the thought of giving this kind of ‘warm greeting’ to Fenris…was not that horrible to imagine. Well if you forgot about his personnality. And his hate. And his…his…fuck. Urgh. Fortunately Fenris’s already present blush darkened epically and outshined his. Anders snorted to cover his embarassment. 

“I suggest we try to do our challenges away from our ‘friends’ from now on.” Fenris groaned, voice sour with disgust. “And from magic.” He sent a last glare toward Anders.

Yet his blush was still painting his skin and Anders couldn’t help but wonder how far it could spread. Fenris frowned when he cursed under his breath while hitting his stupid, perverted head. 


	8. Day 8

Go for a walk down an unexplored street in your neighborhood.

“I really wonder where Hawke find his challenges.”

“Certainly on a cheesy website like Longwalkonthebeach.com or something.” Anders smirked.

It was truly weird, walking with Fenris like this. Usually when they went out their group of friends surrounded them. Tonight there was no one to fill the eventual awkward silences. Not that they were usually silent when in the same room, bickering was a thing that came easily to them. And the times they didn’t talk, the mood wasn’t awkward, just full of hostility or annoyance. Usually. But tonight, maybe due to yesterday’s accident or the weird...tension...hanging between them lately, they were silently and awkwardly walking together. Their steps the loudest thing to be heard in the street. It was a bit...stressful. Of course his nerves couldn’t handle it for very long.

“So are we going to just walk randomly until we find a gloomy, suspicious little street to visit ? I don’t even know how you cannot know the whole area when you go run every day ! Unless you always take the same path but it would be boring and not really adventurous from you, then again you don’t strike me as someone who really takes much risks, at least less than me but...”

“Mage.”

His mouth closed instantly.

“Hear this ?”

Except for the distant sound of cars, some birds singing and faint conversations coming out from rare open windows...

“No ? Well I hear things but not something unus...”

“Silence. It’s nice sometimes you know.”

“Ah ! Says the one who never miss an opportunity to argue.”

“Only because you never miss one to whine about any unjustice you found on the internet every day. Which happens a lot. Too much.”

“But at least it gives you an excuse to vent out and express your grumpy self freely. I don’t even understand why you accepted to walk with me by the way ? Were you that desperate for company ? Because I could have lied to Hawke you know. Must be annoying for you, there’s no prank to be made to get back at me.”

“I like to take a walk or run once every day.”

“But alone.”

“I don’t mind if only you would stop talking for more than one second.”

This was better. A comfortable, familiar territory of good old bickering. 

“So ? Do you know where we’re going or are we both wandering into the unknown ? I always dreamed to get lost with you after the night fell and your eyes became all glowy like a big feral werecat ! Hum don’t know if I find the idea terrifying or exciting ! I always wanted to know if you could tame a werecat by scratching his head !” 

Fenris sighed yet a little smirk twisted his lips.

“I have no idea where we’re going which is kind of the goal of the challenge if you recall.”

“Yes but it’s no fun if we just walk and nothing interesting happens.” Anders pouted a little as the elf rolled his eyes.

They continued their road, snarking at each other from time to time. And strangely...it almost felt relaxing. Just walking in the fresh February air, night slowly falling, a grumpy elf by his side to casually bicker with. At one point they truly ventured in unknowns territories, passing a little street with a cheerful looking bar they never saw before, finding a little place where an adorable cat was napping on a wall. He cooed at it and tried to reach it, in vain. The cat ignored him and he ended up pouting. It somehow made Fenris's lips twitch with amusment. Which was...weird. But also nice.

“Wait !”

He grabbed Fenris’s coat and let it go as quickly when his eyes met the elf’s annoyed ones. 

“What mage ?”

“You smell this ?!”

“Smell what ?” Fenris sighed, obviously not really fond of riddles.

But Anders was already gone, tracking the delicious scent in another little street. He vaguely heard Fenris call after him but he was too focused on his prey. His delicious, delicious prey. He stopped in front of a little take-away shop, his eyes sparkling as he saw the menu. 

“Oh maker fuck yes...”

The guy behind the counter smiled at him.

“Is that mafé ?!” He asked with a bright grin, the most charming he could perform. Which was maybe pityful instead, he didn’t feel really charming these days.. But the guy grinned back and it filled his insides with some confidence. 

“Wanna taste some ?”

“Yes ! Thank you !”

The guy was kind of cute now that he looked closely. Dark eyes and dark skin, playful smile, broad shoulders...He was looking appreciatively at him and it made Anders feel good. When he offered him a spoon of the divine dish he even winked at him. Oh Maker...Maybe, maybe he should say something, tempt something. He did good with celibacy but during this period he felt insecure and needy and any attention was welcome and...

“Anders !”

He squealed a little as he saw Fenris turning at the corner of the street and walking toward him with a pissed off expression. In a dozen of large steps he was in front of the shop.

“Before running away in streets you don’t even know you could warn me.” He growled between his teeth. 

“Awww but I like when you chase after me..” Anders tried to joke.

“Well maybe next time I should keep you on a leash.” Fenris bited back.

The idea made Anders blush and he shook his head to chase this shameful vision. 

“Kinky !” He teased, hoping it would put Fenris in a similar uneasy state. 

Indeed he blushed from head to neck and Anders found back his mischevious smirk.

“Wow, you seems to have a really protective boyfriend.” The shop’s worker interfered, waggling his eyebrows at them.

“What ?!” Fenris flushed harder if possible

“Oh no ! No, no, no we’re not, absolutely not...” Anders smiled nervously.

No, no, no he wouldn’t, not with Fenris, oh dear this one was gonna kill him and this handsome man behind the counter wouldn’t be interested anymore, shit !

“Stop stuttering mage” Fenris cut his train of messy thoughts with his irritated but somehow nonchalant voice. “He’s just my stupid roommate who would get lost if I wasn’t there.” He added for the shop employee. “And we’re going back home before he wander off again like a stray cat.”

He felt the elf’s fingers grip his collar firmly and flailed his arms around in panic.

“What ?! Wait ! No, no, no, let me buy some of this wonderful food before !”

Fenris actually stopped with a heavy, exagerated sigh. He sent a suspicious glance toward the mafé.

“What even is that ?” 

His tone and attitude seemed to offend the employee but he didn’t care, it wasn’t like if he ever cared about what people thought about him. Anders kind of liked this sometimes. He also liked to educate him and he didn’t miss this opportunity.

“This, grumpy ignorant roommate of mine, is mafé. One of the most beautiful dish ever invented by Rivainis ! Chicken stewed in peanut butter and tomato sauce with some rice. Deli-fucking-cious."

Fenris actually looked intrigued and he cautiously inhaled the sweet scent. Anders smiled, he looked like a distrutful cat, the kind you had to approach gently so it wouldn’t flee or bite you. It was endearing. Kind of. Hum.

“Well I’m going to take a portion ! It’s been so long since I didn’t eat any good mafé ! Where’s my wallet ? Oh. No. Noooo...”

“What again ?” Fenris rolled his eyes at him for the hundred time but Anders didn’t care, he was whining while eagerly searching his pockets. 

“I don’t have any money on me !”

Fenris snorted.

“Too bad for you.”

Yes...Except...except if ? Maybe ?

“Fenris ?”

“What ?”

“Fenris do you think you could maybe ? I mean if you have any money on you ?”

His hopeful gaze was met by a hard, incredulous glare. 

“No.”

“Fenris...”

The elf crossed his arm. Uhoh, never a good sign. 

“No...”

“I’ll pay you back !”

“No mage.”

And now the names. He was doomed.

“You keep the peanut butter in your room !” He accused in last resort.

“And whose fault was that ?”

“...Please ?”

It was the second time he used this on Fenris. And it was becoming distressing. But he really, really wanted this mafé and he was ready to even use the puppy eyes on Fenris and join his hands and make this stupid pout Hawke couldn’t resist to and it was really mortifying but it seemed to..

“...Fine.”

“Yes !”

“But you better pay me back the minute we are home.”

“Of course !” 

He made grabby hands and Fenris took some bills out of his pocket. He quirked an eyebrow at him.

“The word ?”

“Ugh...Thanks asshole !”

He handed him the money, the gesture reluctant though. With a victorious smirk, he gave it to the employee.

“Thank you babe.” The guy winked at him, all flirty and hot and suddenly Anders remembered how nice it felt to have strong arms around his waist and hot breath on his neck and...

“I’m going ahead, hurry.” Fenris huffed, glaring at the handsome guy for a mysterious reason. Oh whatever, since when did Fenris need reasons to glare at people ? He was just a grumpy ass. 

But he gave him money though. Which was unexpected. And nice. Even asses were sometimes full of not so shitty surprises. Once he was far enough Anders turned back to the handsome guy.

“Could you give me a second portion please ? I don’t want to go back to him without something to appease the beast.”

“Oh I know something else tasty that would do the trick.” The other man chuckled, eying him from head to toes. Anders squirmed and blushed like a freaking maiden. It had been a long time since someone complimented him this way. Really long.

“Oh...uh...no...I think he would prefer to kill me than...” He didn’t finish his phrase, it was too awkward to say. To even conceive. At least out loud.

“Not from what I see.” He gestured to the left and Anders followed his eyes.

Fenris was waiting at the end of the street. He looked...impatient ? Flustered ? Fidgety ?...Worried ? His big moss green eyes seemed worried. It was weird. Unlike Fenris.

“You should go to him before he leave you behind and you get lost. Though if he won’t I would walk you back.”

Another wink. Another bright smile. This man was truly handsome. But Anders shook his head and blew him a gentle, apologetic kiss. He didn’t have the energy tonight, it was just a distraction and...and he knew it would do him no good in the end. It never did.

“Sorry maybe another time.”

When he trotted back to Fenris this one replaced his open, anxious pout with his usual indifferent scowl. He frowned when he handed him the dish.

“I didn’t..”

“Trust me for once, I swear it’s good. And if you don’t like it, well, more for me !” He added with a big smile, eyes greedily fixed on the second portion.

Fenris rolled his eyes and took the cup. He loved it in the end. And when he admitted it Anders teased him mercilessly and almost didn’t regret turning down the handsome guy. But he did, a little, he couldn’t lie. Even if Fenris admitted he was right about something for the first time in his life. Okay it was about a Rivain dish. But it was a start. No small victories.


	9. Day 9

_Do something together like a board game or a video game._

“Exploding Kittens ? You of all people own a game where you harm cats ?” Fenris quirked an eyebrow in front of the card game in his hand.

“Oh, Hawke gave it to me. I threw it to his face at first but still kept it in the end.” 

Anders was searching through their limited collection of board and card games. On his fours in front of a shelf, ass up in the air, he was in one of his comfortable skirt he wore from time to time. The thin material was kind of clinging to his figure, especially around his rear. Fenris frowned and averted his gaze.

“It’s either the Scrabble or the Blokus.” The mage pouted. “Not Scrabble. Last times I tried to correct your mistakes and you got all pissed off and stormed out of the room. Hawke had to lure you back with alcohol remember ?”

“You called me illiterate.” He snapped.

“You spelled wine with a ‘h’.” 

“And you only used words related to your damn magic.”

“Not Scrabble then !” Anders confirmed with an amused smirk. “What about Blokus ?” 

Fenris shrugged. He wasn’t a fan of board games unless some alcohol was already flowing in his veins and the whole squad was here to distract him with their antics. Just him and Anders ? It would be boring. Or annoying. Unless he managed to find his last bottle of wine the mage had hidden somewhere ‘for his own good’. Apparently he drank too much lately. ‘Doctor’s orders’ bullshit.

“Then what ? Suggest something instead of sulking in the corner.”

“We’re not even obliged to do this.” Fenris groaned. “I’m not interested and neither are you I suppose. Let’s just tell Hawke we played a card game, it’s not like he could check if we really did his useless challenge.”

Anders looked at the games in his hands, pensive. His features tainted with something akin to disappointment. Eventually he put back the games in their places and stood up, biting his lips. 

“Yeah, right. Let’s do this. It’s useless after all, you know, spending time together.”

With a deep breath, he looked up at the ceiling, like if he was trying to calm down. Fenris frowned a little, why did the mage look so upset about it.

“It’s not like it did us any good after all.”

“Oh please.” Fenris tried to sound nonchalant. “Are you going to cry mage.”

Anders took a shaky breath and for a terrifying second he thought he was really going to do it. But the blonde man merely shook his head and served him a forced smile. 

“You know despise our differences it was actually nice to know I actually had a roommate during these last days. You’re still an ass and we still fight but at least it felt less…lonely. But if you don’t care by all means let’s give up. If the mighty Fenris think it’s a waste of time, if you think I’m a waste of time let’s stop.”

On these words Anders turned around and started to make his way to his bedroom.

“We didn’t go through my video games yet.” 

He had no idea why he said this. Maybe it was the pityful way he dragged his feet. Maybe it was the way his eyes narrowed like he was fighting back tears. Maybe it was the last little glance he threw his way. But before he knew it he had opened his mouth. 

“What ?”

He rolled his eyes. Well. What was done was done. Might as well finish his thought. His irritation slowly faded away in front of Anders’s hopeful eyes and he sighed resignedly.

“Video games. I have some. Should be less boring even with you.” 

“You sure ?”

Anders looked a bit taken aback. Which was understandable, Fenris cherished his slowly growing collection, it was the sole thing he kept in order. He kept it away from the mage though it didn’t bother this one much usually, Anders rarely played video games, at least not on a console, he was more of a pc guy.

“No, I just like to see you smile like a fool before breaking your dreams. Of course idiot, I’m sure. I wouldn’t suggest it otherwise, I’m not that cruel.” 

“I won’t call you on this but it’s only because you’re sharing your precious video games with me.”

Fenris restrained a smirk before grabbing his games’s box. Carefully, Anders approached, sat beside him on the couch and took a peak inside of the box.

“So ? What do you want to play ? I have multiplayer games like…Mario Kart, Street Fighter, Resident Evil, Call Of Duty..Don’t do this face or I take back my offer. Hawke lended it to me.”

“Don’t you have something with a real scenario, a real story ? What about this one ?”

Fenris tensed immediatly.

“Outlast ?”

“Yes. It seems cool. I kind of like horror things. And I always wanted to work in an asylum !”

“Tsk.” Fenris scowled. “You’ll rethink your career choices after playing it. And it’s not multiplayer.”

Anders’s smirk was far from reassuring and he had to restrain a groan when he picked the game. He should work more on his dissuasion skills. Shit.

“Well we can take turns. Or, since you know the game, you can guide me while laughing at me of course. I’ll take up this challenge.”

Well at least Anders was smiling again, any trace of disarray gone from his face. Somehow it made him feel a little better. Then the game started and he slowly grabbed a pillow.

 

oOo

 

Anders almost dropped his controller. Not only because of the psycho who just jumped on him, trying to gut him like a pig. But also because of the sudden shriek on his right. 

Incredulous, he put the game on pause and turned toward the other end of the couch. Fenris was curled up, head smashed in a pillow, fingers dangerously clenching on the fabric. 

“Fenris ?”

A growl answered him. Cautiously, he scooted closer.

“You did this ?”

Muffled words were emitted from behind the pillow.

“What ?”

“Shut up mage.”

Oh this he understood better. Finally Fenris put down his pillowy protective wall. Avoiding his eyes, he passed a hand through his hair. His arm hid his face, a gesture he used a lot when he was embarassed Anders had learnt. Not that he was watching Fenris that often, he was just good at understanding and memorizing body language, that’s all, normal thing when you work in the medical field. Hum.

“You okay ? You..got surprised ?” He tried, uncertain of Fenris’s reaction. Was he going to confide or just glare at him until tomorrow for this ? Suspense…

Of course he glared. For what felt like five solid minutes. But then he huffed and threw his head back, eyes staring furiously at the ceiling instead of Anders. Well, it was an improvement. 

“I hate this fucking game, it scares me so much you don’t even know.”

Nevermind, a miracle. Fenris was willingly admitting something close to a weakness in front of him. He could hear the Chantry’s bells from here.

“Why did you let me play it then ?” 

Fenris shrugged grumpily. Ah there was his good old broody elf, not cooperating for long. He was scared for a minute.

“Come on, did you want to look tough ? Were you scared I would mock you or something ?”

His dark glare said everything he needed to know. 

“I know you are going to laugh at me. Go ahead, don’t restrain yourself.”

“Oh shut up mister paranoïa !” Anders sent him a blazed look. “I’m not going to laugh at you when I was shitting my pants too. It’s normal, it’s an horror game, the main idea is to be afraid.”

Slowly, anger vanished from Fenris’s features and he just looked midly embarassed. 

“Well at least you didn’t stop at the first jumpscare.” He muttered with a suspicious glance toward Anders, like if he was waiting for the moment he would crack and mock him. Wasn’t going to happen, he wasn’t that cruel.

“Stop looking at me like if I was going to make a post about it on facebook. Your reputation is safe with me oh virile broody elf who knows no fear.” 

Fenris just shook his head but his lips twitched a little. Silence fell on them and they spent some time like this, Anders looking at the elf while this one stared at his fingers stubbornly, shoulders still tense. With a tired sigh, he grabbed the controller and turned off the game. 

“You don’t have to do this just because I’m a..”

“Hush it’s just late and I want to go to bed. I said it’s okay, you don’t need to justify yourself, we all get scared and you don’t need to endure this game just to appear tough you know. We all know you’re tough, god you might be the thoughest of all of us even more than this big oaf of Hawke.”

Fenris’s smile grew a little wider.

“You know…I actually enjoy the story too. I wanted to know what happened next but I didn’t dare to touch the controller.” He confessed quietly, twisting his fingers nervously, like if talking casually to Anders was something risky.

“So you used me ?” Anders faked an offended gasp. 

“Kinda.” Fenris smirked by now, rolling his eyes with what was dangerously close to fondness. “I only like you for your body and its uses, mage.”

“Oooooh is that right ?” Anders’s tone turned flirty despise himself, it was stronger than him, time spent with Isabella and Zevran would pervert the purest mind. 

Fenris’s cheeks turned beet red as he realized how his phrase could be interpreted and he let out a long, painful groan. Standing up with a huff, he shoved Anders a little as he made his way out of the living-room.

“Stupid mage, shut up and go to bed.” 

“You do love it !” He teased one last time, only laughing when Fenris presented him his middle finger. 


	10. Day 10

_Have a movie night._

“It is my turn to choose, mage.”

Anders raised his hands in surrender. Fenris seemed determined, his tone final, even a little bit aggressive.  

“Okay, okay. But you know I wasn’t going to pick Paranormal Activity or Insidious. Your shrieks are too painful to be satisfying.” He added with a smirk.

Dark glare. Again. He wasn’t impressed anymore. It was almost cute that the elf still thought he could intimidate him with it. 

“Choose then. Oh but no stupid movies making not so subtle templars propanganda, unless you want to hear me rant the whole night.”

“Fine.”

Their movie collection was a little more impressive than the video game one but not that much. Internet was a less expensive option nowadays, after all. Anders had seen every single one they owned at least two times and he bet Fenris did too. Not very interesting. 

“You know I downloaded some on my laptop, you can take a look.” He offered.

“Do you think you’re the only one, mage ?” Fenris sent him a blazed look.

“Well excuse me sunshine, I was just suggesting.” He retorted with a forced honeyed tone. 

The elf rolled his eyes and reached for his laptop. Opening some files, he scrutinized his options. Slowly, carefully, Anders approached and took a look above his shoulder. 

“Awww it seems you likes romantic comedies , who would have guessed ?” He smiled, his eyes scanning titles.

Fenris shifted a little. Anders couldn’t see his face but the tip of his ears darkened. His smile turned fond despise himself.

“Are you a romantic under all these layers of grumpiness and nonchalance ?”

“Shut up mage !” He stuttered. Bull eye. 

“Every day I learn more about you and every day you’re less and less intimidating.” He chuckled. “So ? Want to see a cheesy movie, smoochy elf ?” 

“No ! Stop teasing me mage !” This time Fenris turned around and Anders could appreciate the cute way his cheeks darkened. 

No, not cute, Fenris wasn’t cute, not at all. Hum. 

“Okay sorry ! But chose please, we don’t have all night.”

The elf huffed a little but went back to work, scrowling through his files. Anders took the opportunity to fetch the pop-corn he had bought for the occasion, it wasn’t a real movie night without snacks. When he came back Fenris was biting his lips, hesitation mixing with longing on his face.

“Does...Does series count ?” He suddenly asked.

Anders shrugged.

“Why not ? Why you have something in mind ?”

Fenris kept quiet a little longer before turning the screen his way. Eyes filled with hope, wide as a puppy’s. No wonder where he got his second nickname. 

“Orange is the new black ?”

Fenris nodded. 

“You’ll like it, there are tons of unjustices and for once I don’t think I’ll mind if you rant about it.”

Oooooh there he was, sweet-talking him, big puppy eyes still on. No wonder Hawke could never refuse him anything. Even when he was pouting or sulking these huge eyes of his could make anyone pity him. 

Well, for his defense it wasn’t the puppy eyes who conquered him. No. He yielded because he heard a lot of good things about the show and because he loved powerful women and criticism of governmental institutions. Really.

“Fine, if I can rant.”

And the slight smile Fenris gave him didn’t make him melt at all.

 

oOo

 

“Maker Healy is such a dick ! This fucking homophobic, misogynist,...”

Fenris was nursing a mug of tea, a small smile playing on his lips as he saw Anders getting this passionate about the show.

“Oh by the way I didn’t hear you groan at all when I commented. I would have sworn you were the kind to kill someone when they did as much as even breathe during a movie. I’m impressed.”

“I didn’t care.” Fenris shrugged. “I already saw the show .”

Anders shot him a surprised look. His eyebrows furrowed for a second before realization painted his face.

“Like...all of it ?”

“...The three seasons, yes.” Fenris confessed, hiding behind his mug. For some reason he felt a bit embarassed, being confronted to Anders’s incredulous stare. 

“Really ? Then why..”

“I wanted to watch it all over again. I like the show. And it was funny to see you rant.”

At this the mage’s expression softened and a hint of mischief sparkled in his eyes.

“Awww you like when I get all hot and bothered ?” He waggled his eyebrows before giggling in front of Fenris’s horrified expression. It was so easy, too easy to tease him. “Oh stop giving me that look, I’m charming and you know it.”

“As charming as Doggett.” Fenris mocked with a disdainful smirk. 

Anders brushed off the comment with a roll of his eyes. Yet a shadow passed on his face and suddenly he seemed lost in his thoughts. It was..strange. And slightly unsettling. He started to play with the hem of his shirt, nervous. Fenris frowned, uneasy with this unexpected turn of events. Usually the mage retorted immediatly, took the teasing and slammed it back right into his face. Not right now, he looked like he took his words seriously. He never did, or at least if one of his comment ever hurt him he never showed it. 

The weird urge to reassure him, to tell him he didn’t mean it made his heart clench. Shit. It wasn’t like him, it wasn’t how they worked, they didn’t apologize or comforted each other after every snarky comments they threw at the other. So why did he feel the need to say something, to go back on his words ? He didn’t even know what to say. His only option was to change the subject and hope Anders wouldn’t ruminate about this. After all it was a joke, he must know it right, he knew he was nothing like Dogget and her rotten teeth. Even if he annoyed him to no end Anders wasn’t ugly, on the contrary, he was...Ugh okay now it was him who needed to think about something else and change the subject.

“So I guess you like it ?” First thing that came to his mind. A simple, stupid, safe question.

Immediatly Anders shook his head and an excited smile came back on his face. The next second he was babbling about how good the serie was and how he liked the variety of characters and the interesting thematics and...The flow of words was endless. Good, he was back in known territory, he thought with a little smirk.

“But you know it’s annoying how they refer to Piper’s sexuality, always saying she had a gay phase, implying that you’re either hetero or gay. I didn’t say anyone suggest she wa bi, not even once, as a bisexual person I’m kind of offended ! Okay, okay i see you staring at me with this blazed look, I know, I’ll stop ranting.”

Fenris sipped the rest of his tea while Anders slowly but surely calmed down. 

“Next episode ?” He asked all of sudden, hands already on the laptop.

Fenris looked at the clock and frowned.

“No, bed. It’s late, I have classes tomorrow morning and I guess you do too.”

“Come on, just a a little episode ?” Anders pouted, trying to start the next one.

The elf merely huffed and put his mug on the table, ready to take back his laptop. Anders actually whined. Fenris stared.

“Really ?”

“Come on...” 

He never noticed how pityful Anders could look. Terribly, terribly pityful with his big golden eyes widening so much and his teeth biting into his plump, rosy, soft looking lips...And he still felt a bit bad about the shadow that darkened his usually confident and open face earlier. Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

In the end they watched three more episodes. 


	11. Day 11

_Send an “ecard” telling them how much you love and/or appreciate them._

Anders looked tiredly at his phone. Then at his teacher. Then at his laptop. Then at his scarf. Soft, thick, comfy scarf resting on his desk, inviting him to lower his head and rest in its fuzzy nest. He shouldn’t have stayed up this late. The serie had been too captivating for him to be reasonable and now he suffered the consequences. He even missed his first class and when he stormed out of his bedroom, panicked and disheveled, Fenris was at the kitchen’s table, smugly smirking at him. Told you so, his eyes said. Asshole. 

Barely awake, he tried to take notes but he couldn’t focus on his teacher’s speech. He avoided putting his chin on his hand, last time he did he almost fell asleep and off his chair. Shaking his head, pinching his skin, he managed to chase some of the haziness veiling his eyes.

His phone lighted up again and he sighed. If it was against Hawke harassing him he swore to the Maker…He saw his damn challenge but he was too exhausted to think about it right now. Sending ecards though. What in the void ? Where did he find this one ? Yet when he took a look at his phone it was Fenris’s name that appeared. Well ‘Broody Ass’ in fact. He smirked, yes he was really imaginative when it came to nicknames. It was weird though, Fenris rarely contacted him, except to recall him to do groceries, but he was certain the fridge was filled to the brim.

He quirked an eyebrow when this one ordered him to check his mails. The situation was so unusual that he actually obeyed. A tinge of worry made him frown, maybe the annoying elf had a problem ?…No. He would have called Hawke. He hated to ask for help even less from Anders. A new message was in his inbox and he clicked on it.

What the…Fenris was playing along ? He would have not expected that from him. Usually it was he who started the prank war, especially if it implied using internet references and such. He was so surprised that he let escape a small amused huff. This ecard was actually pretty good. Of course he had thought about doing the contrary of what Hawke demanded, as usual, but that the elf beat him to it was unexpected. Yet not unwelcome.

This strangely woke him up a little and, with a mischevious smirk, he started some research on google. A minute later he sent back an answer.

Satisfied, he focused back on his teacher, suddenly less exhausted. Even squirming impatiently on his seat as he waited for Fenris’s answer. It was weirdly a delight to bicker with him. Still more interesting than his class. The new mail arrived, his smirk widened.

Okay it was on. His fingers typed quickly, eyes furiously scrutinizing his screen as he searched for the perfect comeback.

He crossed his arms, quite happy with this one. His teacher was frowning a little as he noticed his much more alert attitude and his strange smile, surely not induced by his lecture about the different type of scanner. A new email. He forgot about his teacher.

Pfff…Too easy. Disappointing Fenris, disappointing, really. Despise his thoughts he had to hide his grin in his sleeve. He could totally picture the elf with this regal resting bitch face, it fitted him perfectly. He hoped his next message would made stupid face cringe.

The next email was opened the second it arrived.

He should have been offended. He knew that if Fenris had told him this face to face he would have gasped, scandalized, and probably started a rant about slutshaming and how careless and insensitive the elf was. But now, after only four hours of sleep and with only one cup of tea in his system (at least he liked to think that it wasn’t because he actually enjoyed Fenris’s unexpected sense of humor), he laughed. Not a discreet laugh, not one that could pass for a cough. Not one his teacher could ignore.

 

oOo

 

Fenris quirked an eyebrow when Anders closed the door, more firmly than necessary, and stormed in the living-room, eyes narrowed with annoyance, an accusing finger pointed at him.

“I have to pass an oral next week.”

The elf frowned, truly confused.

"And what do I have to do with that ?”

“You made me laugh with your stupid ecard and the teacher didn’t appreciate it ! So he decided to give me more work because 'obviously I was getting bored in his class and I had time to waste’. Thank you really !”

A small smirk twisted his lips as the mage crossed his arms on his chest, a pout on his face.

"Well at least it made you laugh. I was almost worried when you stopped to answer me. I thought I finally made you shut up for once and for good. But look at you. As talkative and irritating as ever.”

Anders huffed but a little smile replaced his indignant rictus.

"Check you mails, asshole. I had to work all afternoon on my oral, because of a certain jerk who thought that my classes were the best time to send me nasty ecards. And I still have a lot to do so don’t disturb me tonight. You think you can grant me that oh mighty ass ?”

Before he could retort anything Anders made a mocking reverence and turned away. Fenris rolled his eyes but still reached for his laptop.

As he briefly looked at Anders’s figure, retreating in his bedroom, his smiled turned a little fond.


	12. Day 12

_Go out together, go to the theater, go shopping...just the two of you._

Grocery shopping counted, right ? Well it’ll have to do, their fridge was empty...again. He swore, Fenris ate for ten lately...Okay maybe he also nibbled a lot of snacks and sweet, much more than usual, but it was a way to cope with the stress and it was still better than letting himself starve to death. The thing with his eating habits was that he could spend most of the year eating like a bird and then suddenly transform into a devoring monster around february. Each one had their way to go through these phase though, it happened once a year, he could make an exception and take some liberties...

That’s why he was in the snacks aisle, making flirty eyes with a jar of peanut butter and a pack of cookie dough at the same time, torn up, unable to make a decision. Oh and shit, why not both ?

“Here you are !”

With a sheepish smile he turned toward the elf striding his way, features marked by frustration.

“It’s the third time you run away, what are you, some child I have to hold hands with ?”

“Awww you want us to hold hands Fenris ? I would never have guessed, you seem more the type to crush it.” Teasing was your only defence when you were facing someone able to break you in two easily, and not in the good kinky way. That and magic but he was even more sure to get his hand crushed if he dared as much as to glow.

“Shut up idiot and follow me, otherwise I’ll shop alone and you won’t complain if you have nothing on your side of the fridge.” The elf huffed, imperiously pointing the end of the aisle, waiting for him to move. 

“Well this is an argument I can’t ignore.” He sighed. “But first...” He reached for the peanut butter AND the cookie dough, a greedy smile on his face.

Fenris quirked an eyebrow.

“We already have peanut butter.”

“Wrong !” He retorted, an accusing finger directed toward the elf. “You have peanut butter that you took hostage in your room.”

Frowning a little, he seemed to think about it. Eventually he shrugged, nonchalant and not showing any trace of guilt for his monstrous act.

“I’m certain you gave me an excellent reason to do this, as always.” Before Anders could defend himself, mouth already open and twisted in an outraged rictus, he cut him. “Take your peanut butter then and hurry. I don’t want to spend hours in here.” 

Anders made a mocking military salute before snatching the goods and following him. Once they found back their cart he dropped them in it and pushed it toward another part of the grocery store. 

“We’re almost finished, only apples and milk and we’ll be...” Fenris enumerated.

“What about fish ?”

Fenris froze for a moment, eyes firmly stuck on the paper, avoiding Anders’s. He took a look. The elf tried to hide the grocery list but it was too late. He had seen that the item had been crossed off the list, several times and rather violently. Anders sighed.

“It’s not because you hate it that I’m going to deprive myself.”

“...It’s gonna stink.” The elf grumbled, crumpling the piece of paper in his fist.

“Come on, you can handle it. And you should try to eat some instead of sulking like a three years old. It would do you good.”

“No.”

“I’m serious there’s a lot of protein in fish and it’s really good for your health, less fat than meat in general...”

“No.”

“Fine, fine, act like a petulant child if you want...”

“I am not acting like a petulant child.” Something in Fenris’s tone made him stop with his nagging and actually observe the expression on his face. What he had thought was a sulking pout was, in fact, closer to a disgusted rictus. Real disgust, something deep, not due to a childish whim. “Fish is the cheapest food you can find in Tevinter, the main one my tutor gave me. I had enough for a lifetime.”

A heavy silence fell on them and Anders actually felt something terribly similar to shame creeping in his insides. Shit. He knew little about Fenris’s past. Of course he knew his hate for mages came from his relationship with the tutor who raised him back then, the elf had often said that, deep down even under a mask of kindness, most of them, if not all, were similar to the one who ruined a part of his life. Or could easily turn as bad. Anders heard about it often and enough, thanks. But he actually had no idea about what living with this tutor had been like. There were insinuations but Fenris avoided any real discussion on the subject. At least not with him. Not a suprise though. After all he was a filthy mage, like this one and all the others. 

Thinking about Fenris’s limited views on the matter made his blood start to boil yet he calmed down quickly. He had said nothing for once, just explained his complete rejection about fish. It wasn’t the time to add fuel to a fire that hadn’t even been ignited for once. It was time to try being comprehensive. Eh, with some luck maybe it would make Fenris a bit less radical on his views toward mage, or toward him...Pfff, who was he kidding ? He was stubborn as a mule. Yet he shut his mouth for once and decided to change the subject. Fenris was starting to look really uneasy, maybe regretting confessing this bit of information.

“Fine but at least buy more vegetables. You only eat meat, it can’t be healthy. From what I know elves need veggies and fruit. Natural, beautiful, green products.”

“I eat apples.” Fenris retorted, his shoulders still stiff but looking less like if he wanted to flee and leave Anders there with the cart and all the groceries to pay. “And I’m an elf, not a rabbit, spare me the clichés.”

Anders rolled his eyes as Fenris sent him a disdainful glance. 

“Excuse me ! You know maybe I should have taken a rabbit instead of a roommate, at least this one would be nice and silent and I could pet it instead of constantly having to put up with its radiant mood.”

Fenris snorted.

“Please, try to pet me mage.”

“No thanks, I still need my hands.”

He was sure he saw the elf’s lips twist briefly and he relaxed a little. Okay the awkward subject was avoided, back to good old bickering. 

“Well I could rip off something less useful, your mouth for example.”

Maker. The opportunity was too good.

“Oooooh are you implying that I should pet you with my lips Fenris ?”

He started to love his full-body blush a lot. It made him speechless and widened his eyes in a hilarious manner.

“That’s...That’s not what...You’re...”

“My, that’s so bold of you !”

“I’m not...”

Anders bursted out with laughter. Fenris spluttered a bit more. 

“I’m taking your peanut butter, again !”

Anders gasped. In a second his amusment was replaced by outrage and the elf was victoriously smirking at him. Still beet red though. 

“If you do I’m buying fish !”

Fenris’s face fell. Anders only felt a bit of shame. All was fair in love and war. By love he was refering to his peanut butter. Of course. Obviously. Duh. 


	13. Day 13

_Organize a picnic together (and invite us of course !)_

When they finally took shelter inside the Hawkes’s mansion, Anders was dripping wet, panting and shivering.

“Who had the brillant idea to do a picnic in February without checking the weather ?”

It was a rhetorical question, he was already glaring at Hawke. The big oaf was grinning sheepishly at him, looking like a wet dog.

“Me ?” Suddenly his smile vanished and his eyes widened in horror. “Did someone pick the food ? Tell me you saved it !” 

Anders showed him the salads he had managed to pick. It didn’t appease Hawke, at all.

“The sandwiches ?! What happened to them ?! Did they survive ?! Did nobody saved them ?! Oh poor, poor babies abandoned under the cruel rain, never to be savor..”

“I saved them.” Another voice growled behind them. 

Fenris entered the house after everyone else, carrying a basket in which the sandwiches boxes had been thrown carelessly. Well, at least they shouldn’t be wet. The elf on the contrary, looked like he had been pushed in a lake.

“Oh Maker thank you ! Thank you for saving my delicious, precious sandwiches !”

“Thank Fenris.” Anders retorted, still very irritated with his friend. “And they’re ours, we did them, we spent an hour to make enough to fill this void that is your stomach and make sure everyone else would have some.” 

Hawke wasn’t listening, too busy kneeling before the basket and smooching the boxes. Isabela snickered as Anders emitted an exasperated sound and Fenris stared at Hawke, judgement clear on his face. 

Bethany and Carver, who had disappeared some minutes ago, came back into the room with fresh, fluffy, appealing towels. Carver immediatly offered one to Merrill, blushing a little as his eyes wandered on her wet clothes clinging to her skin. He cleared his throath and looked away. Bethany rolled his eyes at him before giving a towel to each one of them. Anders accepted with a grateful smile. The downpour had been sudden and violent. The road from one of Hightown’s park to Hawke’s house wasn’t short enough for them to stay dry. Well, at least his shirt had been spared. It was mainly his coat and jeans who suffered. Like everyone else, really. 

He smiled at Fenris, this one was positively bristling, looking like a drowned and furious cat. He energically rubbed the towel on his head. When he was finished Anders couldn’t restrain a giggle. From under his disheveled bangs, Fenris glared at him.

“What ?”

“Your hair are a mess.”

“Have you seen yourself ?” Fenris retorted, the corner of his lips twitching.

"No but I bet I’m as sexy as ever.” He cheekily answered.

His own hair was too long to be dried the same way so, instead, he untied them and bent forward in order to skillfully wrap the towel around them. Straightening back up, he tightened the cloth to make sure his improvised turban would hold. Fenris scoffed.

“If this is supposed to be sexy, then Isabela is a prude.” 

The woman laughed.

“He’s not wrong darling. As much as I admire the expert way you wrapped your hair and as cute as you look right now, its far from being sexy. Maybe with less clothes...” She drawled, eyeing him suggestively. Aveline elbowed her but she dodged it, blowing a kiss to her scowling friend. 

“It’s your lucky day Izzy.” He chuckled. “I won’t stand staying one more minute in these jeans, the wet texture against my skin is disgusting.” 

With that he wiggled out of his pants, letting them fall on the floor. It was already soaked anyway. He was relatively comfortable showing his legs, it was his chest he prefered to cover so he was thankful his shirt had been saved from the downpour. He heard some muffled snickers and looked back at his friends with a proud smile.

“What ? Any comments on my amazing choices of underwear ?”

“Puss in Boots ? Really Blondie ?” Varric came out of the kitchen, a warm drink in hand. 

Sticking out his tongue, he choose to ignore their laughter and Hawke’s wolf whistle. Fenris, for his part, had a small smirk on his face. But to his surprise it wasn’t mocking but...fond ?...Nah. No way. He shook his head and reported his attention on the others.

“So what do we do now that our picnic is ruined ? Thanks to a big idiot who assured us the weather would be splendid if I may add.” 

Hawke’s eyes sparkled like a child on Christmas morning. Bethany and Carver sighed, apparently knowing what proposition was coming.

“Blanketfort ?” They asked in unison, giving twin endeared gaze to their ‘big’ brother.

“Blanketfort !!!” Garrette roared.

 

oOo

 

Fenris never had done any blanketfort before. Or at least he didn’t remember. Tugging on the too large sweatpants Hawke lended him, he observed silently as everyone around him worked hard to transform the living-room. Fortunately Leandra was out of town, somehow he highly doubted she would have appreciated seeing all her mattress, pillows and blankets being hoarded and sprawled in this room. 

He didn’t dare to participate. He was a bit scared of doing something wrong and destroy the comfy nest everyone seemed so eager to build. So he stood there, staring as the mattress were positionned, forming walls around the couches, as the sheets were stretched above them and as the blankets, pillows, bedrolls and other thick, comfortable stuff was sprawled on the carpeted floor. Once they had finished, everyone took some step back to proudly admire their work. It looked...strangely inviting. 

“Perfect !” Hawke clapped his hands excitedly. “I’ll go fetch the food ! Everyone else get settled !” 

Fenris smirked as this big, imposing, buffy man of twenty skipped all the way to the kitchen, humming happily. Garrett Hawke was such a paradox. 

“You heard the boss ! Everyone in !” Isabella grinned, pushing them one by one in the fort. 

Fenris snorted as she made sure Carver would be lying beside Merrill. What a brillant matchmaker, he thought derisively. He frowned when it was his turn to be ushered mercilessly under the sheets. And he downright growled when he found himself side by side with Anders. This one happily sprawled on a pink, fluffy blanket, eyes closed, like a lazy cat. He still wore nothing but a shirt and his underwears. He looked...Ugh..Fenris averted his gaze with a blush. 

On the other side of the mage, Varric was sitting, staring at them intently, a smug rictus on his lips. Fenris scowled at him. 

“You look like you enjoy blanketfort a lot Anders.” Merrill giggled a little as she noticed the delighted smile on Anders’s face. “You look like a content kitten.”

“It’s been a really long time since I did one. When I was little me and my friends did one everytime we hanged together. Then, when I went to the Circle I encouraged the others to build one with me but we got scolded and punished for ‘inapropriate behavior’. We had to do the laundry for months. And we were forbidden to sleep with blankets or pillow for as long.”

“Oh that sounds awful, who would do this to children.” Merrill complained, a disapproving frown on her usually carefree face.

Anders shrugged, less relaxed than before, his eyes now open and pensive. Fenris could clearly read ‘Templars’ in them and he was tempted to retort something, as usual. But Anders sighed and stayed silent. So did Fenris.

It wasn’t the first time he talked about the Circle. Far from it. It was a program where mage’s parents could place their children so they would be educated and watched, something quite popular in Thedas. And Fenris had no problem with it, he felt more safe knowing that mages received special treatments and attention, after all they weren’t like common folks and an eye should be kept on them. That’s why he snorted and bited back every time Anders said it was a terrible place, because, really it couldn’t be this horrible, not as horrible as Tevinter and much more fair for everyone. Maybe, maybe there were abuses sometimes but he doubted they were left unpunished and they happened often, otherwise why would it be such a popular programm, even encouraged by the government ? 

But sometimes, sometimes he doubted. Not when Anders began his great passioned rants. No. He doubted when he let out these little bit of information, casually, with this distant look in his eyes, like for a minute he was brought back to a sordid place. It was brief and small but Fenris caught this resigned expression that passed on his face, a kind of grim resignation who never missed to make him tense and gulp with difficulty. In these rare, short moments, he caught something akin to his own experience and it made him uneasy. Even as the others changed the subject and a smile spreaded on the mage’s lips, Fenris stayed stiff and thoughtful, his brain still bothered by this impression. 

He was eventually dragged out of his thoughts when Hawke sneaked into the fort and threw the sandwiches at them. Fenris shook his head and grabbed one by reflex. Unwrapping it, he took a look inside the sandwich before biting into it. Anders and him cooked separately and chose different ingredients. He prefered to make sure he didn’t put any disgusting fish or too much vegetables in them. Oh. Peanut Butter. Good.

“Shit, ham, how boring is that.” Anders pouted, inspecting his own food.

Fenris rolled his eyes...And, after a long moment of hesitation, snatched the ham sandwich and threw the mage his peanut butter one. 

“Hey ! What are you...”

“I don’t want to hear you whine any more mage so I’m giving you something more to your tastes.” 

“Oh...Thanks. I guess.” A timid, uncertain smile made his lips twitch a little. 

Fenris felt a weird wave of relief wash over him. The mage annoyed him to no end most of the time. But, weirdly, at this moment, he was content to see him happy. Or scandalized.

“I used the whole jar of peanut butter to make these by the way.” 

Anders gasped, immediatly reaching for the other sandwiches, trying to find the peanut butter filled ones and hoard them. 

“The whole jar ? You didn’t left any even if you know Hawke is a slut for peanut butter ?!” 

Fenris didn’t mind the glare he received. It suited him more at least. Everything was better than this haunted look, so unlike the mage, he thought bitterly before biting on his dull ham sandwich. 

“Okay guys !” Hawke claimed their attention as he reached for the tv, they miraculously managed to fit into their fort. “I’m turning Netflix on, any suggestions ?”

“Orange is the new black !”

When he had calmly said it, Anders had screamed his demand. He quirked and eyebrow, a bit surprised. The mage just grinned at him briefly before turning toward Hawke with a pleading, expectant look.

In his corner Varric chuckled. “I think we should honor the fact that these two agreed on something so easily and say yes.” 

Hawke was looking dumbfounded. But soon a broad victorious grin illuminated his face.

“My plan is working !”

Anders and Fenris immediatly glared in unison at Hawke,  menacingly until this one gave them the remote and crawled away sheepishly, a bit afraid by their twin murderous stare. Fenris snorted. Yes, maybe Hawke managed to make them bond over some things. But he would regret it when he’ll realize that their annoyance and intent to crush him was one of them.


	14. Day 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning : depression, self-hatred, angst in this chapter

_It’s Valentine’s Day, you’re free, I’m not that cruel._

Free indeed. Free to spend the evening in front of the tv, munching on chocolates while swiping his eyes from time to time. No he wasn’t sobbing like a pathetic loser on Valentine’s Day. He was merely tired and okay a little bit frustrated because it brought up some memories, the only one he had from his only eventful Valentine’s Day. He was trying to chase his dark thoughts with a stupid comedy when the door opened. He squealed before choking on his chocolate. 

From the hall Fenris was staring at him, one eyebrow quirked. 

“I thought you said Valentine’s Day was a stupid commercial celebration. And here I find you devoring a heart-shaped box of chocolates.”

“And I thought...” He coughed a little, tears in his eyes. He was a bit thankful for that actually, choking on food was displeasing but at least it was a good excuse to hide the fact his eyes had been wet for far longer. He didn’t know what he would have said if Fenris had caugh him in this vulnerable state without a ‘good’ excuse. 

“I thought you were out..on a date or something.”

The elf’s gave him a puzzled look.

“What gave you this idea ? I was just running, like usual. I don’t do Valentine’s day. And even if I did it’s not like I had someone to go out with.”

“What do you mean ?!” Anders gasped, doing his best to hide his previous state with his usual teasing. “A handsome elf like you ? I bet tons of lads and lasses swoon over you. Ah ! Let me guess ! They do but only before you open your mouth to groan at them ? Or when they cross your oh-so-charming-and-not-murderous at all stare ?”

Fenris snorted with a small smirk, apparently in a favorable mood for his teasing, which reassured him a little. He was in no mood to fight, he didn’t think he would be able to handle a really pissed off roommate tonight. Well, to be fair, Fenris had been less and less quick to rile up these last times, more patient than usual. Even when he bit back it wasn’t meant to really hurt, just to maintain their bicker, their main way to communicate most of the time. He should recognize his efforts, he admitted himself he could be a handful sometimes. It made him smile, cheering him up a little to think that maybe they were reaching a basic, vague form of...friendship ? He didn’t know if he could go that far, but he kind of liked the idea despise the fact they still had strong, important points of disagreement. After all, friendships weren’t about total accordance. 

"So ? Why the chocolates ?”

“Do I need a reason to stuff myselft with an unhealthy amount of sugar and liquor ?” 

At this, Fenris’s ears perked up slightly. Anders smirked, the elf rarely could resist to something susceptible to contain alcohol. It wasn’t only because he tended to drown his problems in it, he was convinced he also genuinely enjoyed the taste. 

“Also I might be one of those people who scream loud and clear they don’t believe in this kind of commerical bullshit to hide the fact they’re a little jealous and disappointed they don’t have a date.” He shrugged nonchalantly, trying not to look too upset, like he had been some minutes ago, before Fenris arrived and he had to put on a mask of mischief. 

Fenris rolled his eyes before disappearing in the kitchen. Anders heard him rattling some things. The distinct sound of the microwave informed him the eld had again bought take-outs instead of cooking something good and healthy. When he came back to the living-room, he sat on the couch, just beside Anders, casually, without shifting uncomfortably like he used to before. It made his heart swell a little, he had to fight back a stupid smile.

“I don’t understand people’s obsession with this kind of celebrations in here. I mean, it seems...nice.” He didn’t look convinced and it made Anders giggle a little. “But I don’t understand why people need a certain day entitled to love to do something for their partners.”

“You say ‘in here’.” Anders pointed, suddenly interested. “They don’t celebrate it in Tevinter ?”

Fenris snorted again but this time it was far from amused.

“The day you’ll see Vints celebrating something not related to death or power call me please. Big romantic acts aren’t exactly admired, it’s mostly seen as a sign of foolishness, of weakness.”

Anders nodded. It made sense. After all Tevinter was also one of the last country where arranged mariages were frequent and the purity of bloodline an important matter. Yes he did some research since he came to know Fenris, he didn’t like to talk about a subject he knew nothing about, and he had to admit Tevinter wasn’t as nice as he had thought at first. Far from it. 

“Well I think I prefer our way to celebrate it then, even if its a bit exagerated. I mean, the toilet paper I bought the other day was Valentine’s day themed. Who in the void had this idea ?”

Fenris chuckled as he reached for a chocolate. 

“I only spent one with someone.” Anders didn’t know exactly why he said this when he had previously tried to hide his distressed state. He’ll put this on the liquor account. “It when I was in the Circle. It wasn’t a grand thing since it was forbidden but it was...pretty nice.”

He immediatly regretted his words when Fenris didn’t answer and an awkward silence fell on them. Bringing his knees against his chest, Anders curled around himself, swallowing two or three more chocolate to put up a front. 

“You didn’t stay together ?”

Fenris’s question caused an emotional rollercoaster in his heart. He felt a little relieved to hear him continuing the conversation, sounding like he was actually interested. But at the same time the question was dreadful, invoking upsetting memories. He swallowed his emotions, he was good at this, after all this year. He could answer and keep them in check. He managed to.

“We were too close to the Templars’s tastes. Some months after they took him away and I never heard of him again.”

It wasn’t the whole truth but he wasn’t ready to say it, not ready to share this piece of information with Fenris. They were less hostile. But not that close yet, maybe they would never. He wasn’t ready to crack before him. 

“That’s...That’s actually pretty shitty.”

Anders laughed bitterly.

“That’s one word for it.” 

Once again, silence settled down but this tim it was filled with an almost palpable turmoil. Fenris apparently aware he touched a sensitive subject and for once not pushing further. Anders trying really hard to keep his emotions locked tightly in quarantine in a dark corner of his heart. He inhaled deeply, managing to relax himself slowly but surely. 

The microwave bleeped and Fenris was on his feet in a flash. Anders felt a little pang of fear at the idea that he could take his food and flee in his room. He didn’t want to be alone tonight and...and as weird as it sounded Fenris company soothed him a little. It was still better than being alone with his feelings and memories. And it obliged him to stay strong and not let his stress take over him. He almost let out a relieved sigh when the elf came back on the couch, carrying two boxes full of...of mafé ?

“I...I passed near the shop earlier. You were in a bad mood this morning, irritated and glum. I thought that maybe it could calm you and keep you from hexing me.”

He was speechless. Eyes wide and mouth gaping, his bewildered gaze fleetin from the box to Fenris. This one started to frown, dubitative in front of his reaction.

“Are you okay mage ?”

Anders finally found back his voice and it was the only thing he was able to say.

“Who are you and what have you done with Fenris ?”

Cliché right. But it perfectly reflected his sentiment. The elf stared up at the ceiling, looking like he was invoking the Maker to give him the strenght to put up with his antics.

“Is it that shocking that...”

“Yes ! Excuse me but yes ! I mean you never bought me anything or did something to comfort me ! I’m suspicious now, did you put something in it ?”

The dirty glare he received did nothing to make him shut up. 

“It’s just mafé.” Fenris eventually grunted, averting his eyes, a hint of embarassment on his face.

“Sorry but I need to check your temperature !” Anders tended his hand toward his forehead, forgetting for one minute the usual care they put in avoiding to touch the other. Fenris groaned and pushed him away, a blush spreading on his tanned skin. With a little giggle the mage gave up. “Okay, okay, but as a doctor I’m still worried. If you don’t want me to touch you I have a rectal thermometer somewhere.”

Fenris hide his face in his hands, glaring daggers at him through his slightly spreaded fingers. It didn’t appease his hilarity at all. 

“You’re an ass.” He grumbled in his palms. 

“Yes, sorry. For once you didn’t deserve it.” He smiled sincerely at the elf. “Thank you for this. Thank you for noticing.” 

He heard the little waver of emotion, of fragility, in his voice and cursed himself mentally. Fenris ceased to hide and shot him a wondering look. But didn’t talk about it. Instead he handed him the box of mafé and settled comfortably on the couch, focusing on the tv.

He smiled and followed his example, letting the voices of the actors lull him. Once he had finished his food, and wolfed down a dozen of chocolates, a digestion and liquor induced sleepiness overwhelmed him. He felt his body relaxing, to the point of leaning to the left. He only realized it when his cheek hit something. A soft fabric covering something warm, a little hard but comforting. His eyes closed against his will.

“Mage it’s my shoulder you’re using as a pillow.” 

He blinked a few times before straightening up to take a look at Fenris. This one was staring at him in...an unusual way.

“Well...you make a good pillow for a a prickly elf.” He wealky retorted.

Fenris smiled at him. He frowned. It wasn’t his normal reaction toward physical contact, especially if it was with Anders.

“What ?”

“Nothing...but...you know there others ways to comfort you I can think of.”

Anders giggled nervously as he imagined the dozen of innuendos he could make with that. But Fenris had been nice tonight and had his dose of teasing. So he merely shook his head.

“Did you have too much liquored chocolates ?”

“I’m not a light weight like you mage. I perfectly know what I’m saying.” He smirked. Not his usual sarcastic smirk. But a..a seductive smirk. This time Anders was truly confused. Where did that come from ? It wasn’t...It wasn’t normal, Fenris would never imply that, would never think of him like that, would never look at him like if he was a really appealing piece of..

Suddenly he was over him, face only a few inches from his. He forgot how to breathe. 

“It’s not because we’re not dating that we can’t celebrate, Anders.” 

Hearing his name like this, sensually whispered by this deep, almost husky, voice did terrible things to him. Like making him lose his composure and make him melt in a puddle of goo and moans. Weakly, he tried to push him away, turning away from his lust-filled eyes. His hot-breath brushed his neck and he shivered.

“What the hell Fenris...you...you hate me...you...”

“Hate is a strong word. We’re doing fine lately.”

“Not fine enough for you to...to want me. Like that.”

Fenris chuckled and he had to bite his lips.

“You have no idea of what I want.”

Suddenly wet, scalding lips were on his neck, tracing a slow, tender path to his jaw. A hand grabbed his chin to pull him into a searing kiss. Oh. Ooooh...Fuck.

He didn’t even try to resist when Fenris’s tongue parted his lips. He was too weak, too needy, too lonely to refuse. He would lie if he said Fenris was unnattractive, Maker, Fenris had to be one of the most handsome man he had the (dis)pleasure to meet. He would also lie if he said he never imagined what it would be to be pined down by his strong hands. But he never thought that a kiss, a mere kiss, would set every inch of his body on fire. Maker must he be lonely and weak to indulge in his ministrations so easily.

A hand passed under his shirt and he tensed, desire suddenly temperated by self-consciousness.

“No...Fenris I’m...I’m not really as charming up there as down there...I’m..I’m damaged and not pretty to look at, really...”

“I don’t care Anders.” Against his name uttered in this aroused, impatient tone he thought with a moan. “I want you...I want to kiss every part of you. You are lovely, you are beautiful no matter what your stupid mind tell you. Let me touch you, let me tell you how beautiful you are.”

“I...I...”

He was shushed once again by greedy lips and he gave up. It was too good. He needed this, he craved for the desire, the attention, the reassurance. And Fenris’s touch was becoming so gentle, unlike everything he had expected, maybe he could...

“Mage !”

Oh no, no, no, please, go back to Anders. He said it in such a cherishing, perfect way.

“Mage !”

...Wait...how was Fenris talking if he was kissing him ?

“Mage stop drooling on my shirt !”

He startled, brutally pulled out of his sleep, arousal replaced with confusion. 

He was in the living-room. With Fenris. But this one wasn’t on him, this one wasn’t caressing him, this one wasn’t even looking at him with a once of tenderness. Just disgust and annoyance. Realization hit him like a train and he made a strangled sound. 

“You should go to bed, I’m not your pillow.” Fenris looked a little less pissed off, even a bit concerned.

It didn’t appease Anders though. In a flash he was on his feet, trying to restrain the hurricane of emotions in his suddenly too small chest. Tumbling toward his room instinctively, he heard Fenris call after him but he didn’t stop. He was struggling to keep it inside, struggling for air too. But he only breathed once inside his room. When he fell on his bed and curled up, panicked ans shocked.

Oh no. No, no, no, no, no...Why ?! Why did he have to...No ! Not now ! Not with him ! Fuck, fuck, fuck ! 

He did think about doing it with Fenris but...but it had been angry, rough, and not once did he hoped it would be more than hate-sex or something akin. But this...This tender way to make-out his fucking mind had imagined it was all wrong...It was too sweet, too good, too much for him. No, no, no...He was...They weren’t even friends, they were barely starting to become something close to it and his fucking mind had to transform it, had to twist it, had to give him something he could never have, not with Fenris at least. Had to make these reassuring, wonderful words he needed more than anything right now pass through lips who would never utter them, even as a joke. And if he was honnest no lips would ever utter them seriously while looking at him, at the garbage his body was. 

And...And it had felt so real, good...only reminding him of what he would surely never have, with no one. Because he was damaged, he was lame, he was annoying and really maybe Fenris wasn’t mean but the only one honest with him when the other tried to humor him. Why, why, why...Why his fucking mind had to be this cruel...Why now, why him, he didn’t need this...he...he...

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck...” 

When he finally calmed down he realized tears were rolling down his face and he had scratched his skin pretty badly. Rolling on his back, he took a big inspiration, looked at the blank ceiling. He had to calm himself, he had to stop the flow of self-hating thoughts tearing his mind and self-esteem apart. He knew it was his depression talking. He knew he shouldn’t be this hard with himself. He knew he shouldn’t listen to the insidious little voice telling him that all of this was the truth and he was too weak and arrogant to accept it. He knew how it worked. He went through this every fucking year. Every fucking year. He knew how to handle it. He had to handle it. One more time. Like always. All alone like every year. He had to keep it to himself. As he should with this fucking dream, this stupid fantasy, even if he ridiculously craved for it to be real right now, for someone to hold him and tell him it was okay, he was okay. But the only one with him was Fenris and he had to be realistic. He would never say this, not now, not in a million years, not ever. 

So he took a big breath. Pushed it away.

“Conceal. Don’t feel.” He chuckled bitterly to himself.

It was when you were seriously starting to identify to a disney princess that you knew you were at the bottom of the hole.


	15. Day 15

_Ask your partner about their day and LISTEN_

The moment he saw Fenris on the couch, Anders froze. Slowly closing the door behind him, he searched in his head a reason why the elf would be home at this hour. Usually he never came back before six in the afternoon, he was too busy jungling between work, studies and sports during the week.

A bundle of anxiety got stuck in his throath, he had planned to eat quickly and lock himself in his room in order to avoid his roommate. He needed to stay away for some time, not too long but enough to calm down and regain some control over his moods and brain. Seeing Fenris so soon after what happened yesterday was...awkward. And stressing him out greatly. Yet the situation was too unusual for him to just ignore it.

He hesitated, searching his words. Fenris’s eyes met his and for one terrible second it brought memories back. Memories of those same eyes filled with something else than boredom...

“What is it Anders ?”

He fought back a shudder. Hearing this voice saying his name, it was almost too much for him to handle.

“What...” He cleared his throath, angry at himself for letting his voice betray his emotional agitation. “What are you doing here ?”

Fenris’s stare dropped, focusing firmly on his keyboard. Anders wasn’t appeased by this sudden fascination for the spacebar. At least he wasn’t confronted to the elf’s eyes anymore but he..he didn’t like the way he avoided his own either.

“I’m searching for a job.” He finally muttered, typing slowly, every gesture filled with hardly restrained frustration.

“What ? But why ?” 

In one second his caring and curious nature took over, muffling his anxiety’s protests. Pushing back this little voice commanding him to avoid Fenris in order to protect himself, he approached instead.

“I got fired.” Fenris admitted, trying to sound nonchalant yet betrayed by the stiffness of his shoulders and the hardness of his glare.

“What ?! But why ?! Did you finally live up to your reputation and punched someone ?” He inquired, only half-serious, attempting to lighten up the mood even if he honestly had little hopes it would work on Fenris.

Instead of a murderous glare and a harsh come-back, he was dumbstruck to only receive a mortified look.

“You punched someone ?!” He repeated, accusing this time. 

Fenris didn’t respond, seemingly too ashamed to find his words. He couldn’t believe it. He knew the elf was quick to anger and sometimes brutal. But he would never have actually thought he would lose control like this, not at work at least. As unpleasant as Fenris could be, he knew how to keep himself and his feelings in check when needed. Unless someone said or did really bad to him.

“What happened ?”

“It’s none of your business mage.” Fenris growled, fleeing his stare, fingers clenching on the laptop.

Oh. Oh they were back to mage now ? Anders’s concern turned into hard determination. Something was wrong and even if Fenris wasn’t cooperative he would find out what exactly made him this uneasy.

“It is, you’re my roommate, you pay a part of the rent. Also its perfect for today’s challenge so go ahead, explain ?” It made him flinch, good. “I doubt you would have risked your job over nothing so what happened ? Did you got into an argument over Tevinter ? Did they call you names ? Did they use magic on you ? Did they touch you in an...They touched you ? Is that it ?! In a brutal way ? Or in a sexual one ?”

Playing riddles with the blighted elf was terribly frustrating if you weren’t used to decipher his body language. Fortunately he had become a master at understanding his emotions without words. The way Fenris’s stare turned murderous then defeated confirmed his doubts.

“And you got fired ?” He gasped, realizing how fucked up this whole affair sounded. “Why ?”

Fenris tried to play the silent game a bit more, surely hoping Anders would give up. But he stayed there, firmly camped on his feets, his expecting glare unwavering. His indignation had made him forget the uneasiness he previously felt around Fenris. Shame was weaker than his instinct to defend, to protect, to point an unjustice after all. In the end the elf sighed.

“Because it was a client.”

“And ?” Anders bited back, not accepting this as a satisfying reason.

“And the client is king. And a human, while I’m an elf.” Fenris retorted icily. “Racism is worse in Tevinter yet it doesn’t mean everyone here is eager to take my side. And I shouldn’t have punched him anyway, it was a stupid move.”

He rolled his eyes and focused back on the laptop, like if the the subject was closed and classified, like if Anders was making a fuss for nothing and was only being a bother. A strong wave of unstoppable, nearly irrational anger took over him. He closed the laptop, earning himself an umpteenth glare.

“And what ? You’re going to accept it ?! You’re not going to do something about it ?! Complain ?! Ripost ?! If this man sexually harassed you he’s the one at fault and should be punished ! Elf or not you have rights, so why don’t you fight for it ?! Maker why, why are you so fucking resigned, why do you never fight the right battles ?! Are you content with your situation or are you just too much of a coward to do anything about it ?!”

He was conscious he was nearly screaming on Fenris by now. And even if he hated himself for this he couldn’t stop himself. He didn’t need to put more pressure or blame on Fenris, not after what happened, yet he couldn’t stop. Frustration, anger, outrage, all these emotions were mixing and pouring from his mouth without control, results of all the stress accumulated these last days.

And he knew deep down he wasn’t only venting on Fenris because his lack of reaction pissed him off. It was also his fear and rage due to his fucking dream that he was spilling, spitting out of his body like venom. Ire darkened Fenris’s features as he slowly stood up. Anders tensed, sensing the barely restrained fury, seeing it boiling in his eyes. But Fenris’s rage was not flamboyant and vehement like his, it was cold, hard words, hammering his heart.

“Unlike you, mage, I don’t whine about everything, I don’t cry over every ‘unjustice’. I don’t trash and kick everytime something doesn’t go like I wanted it to. No. I know when a battle is lost and I handle it like a grown-up. You say I’m a coward but at least I don’t blame the others for every hardship I face. You should too, assume your own faults and stop wasting your time in useless fights. And stop meddling with other business, you’re not a mighty defender, you’re just a pain.”

It shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did. After all he was used to it right ? To Fenris dismissing his claims and actions. To his glare and harsh comments. It was nothing new. He heard worse even. It was maybe because of yesterday, maybe because of his precarious psychological state, maybe..fuck he had no idea, an addition of a lot of things surely. And it hurted.

And somehow it fueled his determination. He was a pain ? He was a whining mage ? He was a coward ? He was fighting lost battles ? Fenris had no idea what he had provoked. It had just gotten personal.

He turned around and slammed the door behind him. Two hours later, when he came back home, he ignored Fenris’s alarmed look in favor of smugly smiling at him.

“Lost battle my ass, be ready to thank me, jerk.”

Fenris’s looked more concerned than angry but he didn’t pay attention to it. Before the elf could say anything he was in his room, locking the door before leaning against it. Exhaustion and stress overwhelmed him, he crumbled down, lying on the floor not bothering to wipe the tears of exhaustion sliding down his face. He was fucking tired. He heard the insidious little voice teasing him.

_You fucked up Anders. You’re fucked up. You’re a pain._

“...I know...I know...Maker I know fuck I know...” He barely restrained a sob and curled on himself.

Breathing became hard. Anxiety came back like a tsunami, destroying what little confidence he had some second ago. Depression grabbed his ankle and slowly climbed on him, settling on his back, making him suffocate. It was going to be a long night.


	16. Day 16

_Make your partner breakfast in bed <3_

Years of living then fleeing Tevinter kept Fenris in a constant state of alert. Fear making his sleep light and reactions quick. So when he heard a dull thump throught the walls of his bedroom, he imediatly sat up in his bed. Painfully awake, he looked out for any other suspicious noises. Nothing. He wasn’t reassured yet. His instinct told him to check the apartment, to make sure his house was safe. Jumping on his feet, as silent as a cat, he briefly checked the clock before opening the door. It was early in the morning, too early for it to be Anders preparing for his day.

He tensed a little when he thought of the mage, recalling their violent fight. Recalling also the his concern when this one came back home, eyes red and wet, breathing laborious, fake smug rictus poorly hiding his upset state. His anger had been then replaced by worry. It was unusual and unsettling to see the mage like this, even after a fight. He had hesitated to knock on his door to check on him…especially after this phonecall from his manager. But he had renounced, wounded pride battling with remorse, winning, even if he had some troubles finding sleep after this. He was still uneasy, thinking about it. It was unlike Anders, never in their long history of fights had he been this shaken up by their argument, by Fenris’s attacks. He had been scandalized, pissed off..but never had he looked like if he was on the edge of cracking and crumble in a puddle of sobs. He hated this look and he hated the fact that it made him so remorseful, so worried. After all Anders had harsh words for him too yet…yet he handled them better even if they did hurt him. It was also maybe because they hit right.

But it wasn’t the time to think about this. He would solve the problem later, when they’ll both be less on edge and susceptible to spit venom again. For now he turned the knob and took a careful look in the living-room. Nothing. A dim light filtered from under the bathroom’s door. He frowned and approached, silent, his paranoid habits telling him to be ready to jump and lash out. To his relief, it wasn’t a vint or thief.

To his terror, he realized it was Anders. Pale, sweaty, lying on the floor. Unconscious. In a flash he was kneeling beside him, rolling him on his back, shaking him.

“Mage ?! Mage ?! What the fuck ?!” Panick overwhelmed him as he tried to provoke a reaction, watching for a sign that he was fine.

Finally, Anders blinked hazily, groaning as he failed to raise his hand, too weak.

“Mage ? Are you okay ?”

The blonde man suddenly seemed to realize his presence, and, after a long moment spent at staring at him, petrified, his chest started to heave. With quick, erratic, breath. The panick that left Fenris some seconds ago came back full-force. He had no idea what to do, helplessly watching Anders gasps for air without success, his disorganized breath exhausting him more than anything.

“Shit ! Mage ! Calm down ! Try..Try to slow down !” He ordered, trying not to bark at Anders, he didn’t need to make the situation worse by scaring him.

“I’m…I’m…” Anders choked on his words. “Fine…it’s…okay…you can…leave…I don’t…I don’t want…to be a pain…”

Fenris froze as he remembered his own, harsh, icy words. He came back to his senses after some seconds, swallowing down his anger at himself, at Anders, at their stupidity.

“Hush mage, you’re not a pain and I’m not leaving you in this state. Understood ?”

He tried not to be too wounded at the incredulous look Anders shot him, suspicious even, like if he expected him to be joking or something.

“Are you hurt ?” He asked, teeth clenched.

Anders shook his head jerkily, eyes shut tight, mouth open around laborious breaths. His palm fell on his belly and he started to inspire deeply.

“Do you need me to call the emergencies ?”

Another shook. Anders held his breath. Then released it, shaking from head to toes.

“Can’t you…Can’t you heal yourself ?”

Anders let out a strangled, bitter laugh, quickly cut by another painful gasp.

“Magic…doesn’t work like this…not for panick attacks…”

“Okay but there’s still something that can help right ?!” He pressed, hating himself for his powerlessness in front of the situation. He was a fighter, not a doctor, he had no idea how to handle this and it was driving him crazy, even more since he knew he was partly to blame for this. Anders annoyed him yes, and maybe he had deserved to some of his words, after all he hadn’t been tender either. But…But he didn’t want to cause this. Pissing him off, making him rant was okay. But making him look so sick, so vulnerable and weak…

“Elfroot pills…” Anders finally sighed. “Medicine cabinet. Yellow box.”

Fenris nodded eagerly, jumping on his feet. Still keeping an eye on Anders, he went through the cabinet, messing up the neat organization in his haste. The mage would nag at him for this later but he didn’t care. At least he would be able to nag, he won’t be heaving on the floor anymore. A wave of relief submerged him when he found the blighted pills, a second later he was back to Anders.

“One pill. Should be enough…to calm down.” This one instructed, breath progressively calming down, allowing him to speak more clearly. “No more or…I’ll be a vegetable…and…you’ll have to drag me…back to my room…” He gave him a weak, pitiful attempt of a smile.

“I don’t care. I’ll do it if I have to.” He assured in front of Anders’s doubtful look. “Come on, you need to sit, I don’t want you to choke on the pill as well.”

The mage managed to push himself up a little, slowly, painfully. His arm gave up. But Fenris’s reflexes were quick and he didn’t hit the floor anew. Instead strong arms circled his shoulder and maintained him. Anders seemed at loss for a moment, squirming in his arms like if their contact was weird or unwanted. The elf didn’t bother to care, instead he presented the pill to Anders. This one tried to lift his hand again. In vain. Fenris didn’t hesitate before pushing the pill against his lips, ignoring Anders shocked stare, waiting for him grab the thing between his teeth and swallow it. When he finally did, Fenris relaxed a little, certain that it would work. After all Anders was an expert, he knew what to do, he was going to get better.

“Can you…Can you put me back on the floor ?” The mage weakly asked.

Suddenly Fenris realized how closely he was holding him, hands keeping a strong grip on his shivering body, betraying his worry and fear to let him go. Quickly he obeyed, their proximity making him uneasy and conscious of how protectively he reacted to Anders’s distress. Anger and rancor forgotten in a blink the moment he saw him on the floor, his instinct screaming to protect, to hold, to fix it. Anders could be annoying, yes, but he had never wished for him to end up like this.

Once back on the floor, Anders released a trembling sigh, palm on his belly to accompany the rise and down caused by his respiration, this one more and more even.

“It’s okay Fenris you can go now.” He whispered, avoiding his eyes, his slight shivers proving that he was indeed not okay enough. Not for his tastes. “I’m…I’m sorry you had to see this…I swear it wasn’t an act because of what happened, I’m not trying to make you pity me or anything…I…You’re right I am a pain and I shouldn’t meddle in your business and…I’m okay so don’t feel obliged to stay..I don’t want to make you feel bad…I don’t want to be a pain…I…I…”

“Is that it ? This is why you’re having a panic attack ?” Fenris inquired, as soflty as he could manage despise his nervous state.

“A…among other things.” Anders admitted.

“Did my words hurt you this bad ?”

“I…it’s not that you’re not to blame Fenris, I just…I just cracked like I do every year at this period and you just happened to be here but…it’s not your fault, I don’t want you to believe I’m trying to make you feel guilty, I’m just…I’m just in a bad period that’s all and you happened to be here and what you said was the truth and I couldn’t handle it and I did and said stupid things because that’s what I do right ? I am stupid and a pain and that’s why you can’t stand me, that’s why no one can really stand me and…”

“Hush mage.” Fenris instructed, terrified as Anders’s breathing accelerated again and beads of sweat slided on his skin. His eyes were losing focus and the elf noticed he was too struggling to breath correctly, empathizing with the mage’s distress.

“No, no you were right you know I’m such a fucking pain and I deserve to be on this floor for all the stupid shit I said and really how can you be here with me when I fucked up so bad ?! I went to your workplace Fenris and I screamed on your manager and I told him I would denounce him if he didn’t call you back but it was stupid and useless like everything I do right ? Don’t say the contrary you were the one who had the guts to make me face the truth, you’re maybe the only one honest with me so don’t start to grow soft just because I’m pitiful and…”

“Anders !”

He didn’t intend to yell. But the intense flow of nonsense, cut by sobs and gasps and bitter laughs made him grow angry and frustrated. Anders stilled instantly, eyes fixated on him, wet and upset. He sighed and passed a hand in his hair. What should he say ? He had no idea if he could fix this, if he could stop Anders from loathing himself for all the bad reasons.

“Anders…”

He noticed the way he relaxed as he used his name. It was a good start.

“Stop it. You’re not making sense. Now calm down please. Listen.”

He had to do it right ? Tell him about the phonecall. He didn’t want to earlier, because it was kind of like admitting defeat. And his pride refused to. But now it was more important than his fucking pride. If it could make Anders feel a bit better and stop spitting all this self-hatred maybe it was worth a shot.

He took a look at the mage, lying, weak, miserable. His guts twisted painfully. He hated this sight. The Anders he knew was confident and didn’t let anyone belittle him or his beliefs. Sometimes he got upset but at others, rarely at himself and only when he didn’t manage to heal someone or write a satisfying post. For normal reasons. Never, never did he got upset because he found himself stupid, nor did he think he derserved to be hurt, to be down like this, because he was supposedly a pain. It was wrong, unlike him, it was all twisted and Fenris hated it. How was he supposed to act around Anders when he offered himself like this, accepting his harsh comments, using them to inflict himself some ‘deserved’ pain. He couldn’t let that happen, he couldn’t…It…Maker it actually reminded him of himself years ago, still under 'his’ influence. It almost made him retch.

“Anders you…you were right okay ? You were a pain but you were right.”

This one shook his head, lost.

“What ?”

Fenris took a deep breath. Pride be damned.

“I got a phonecall from my former manager. He told me…That he would receive me today to talk about what happened. That he admitted he might have made a hasty decision. I’m not stupid. The instant he said this, suspiciously comprehensive all of sudden, I knew you had something to do with it. I…I didn’t want to admit it but you were right. Somehow it wasn’t a lost battle and you won it. For me. At my place. So you were right okay ?”

“I…” Anders had an hard time finding his words but finally a sheepish, cautious smile appeared on his lips. “I was right ?”

“Yes. I don’t know what you did but it worked.”

Anders chuckled, low and trembling. Closing his eyes, tears of relief were moistened his still pale cheeks.

“I…I have a lot of connections…with local human rights and elven protection associations. I also told him I publish sometimes in activist newspaper and I was well-known. I might have used some names. He was…” Finally he opened his eyes and met Fenris’s, a wavering smile on his lips. “He was quite easy to scare.”

Fenris snorted, easily picturing his shitty manager paling and gulping as Anders certainly made a scene without realising it, bringing every customer’s attention on him, surely starting rumours that wouldn’t benefit the shop. He should have expected that from him.

“Or maybe he took pity on me. I started to cry in the middle of my rant. I must have looked miserable.”

“He’s an asshole, he wouldn’t have pitied you.”

“Maker yes he is a fucking asshole.” Anders confirmed, seeming to remember something. “He even sounded like one without trying.”

Fenris merely smirked, relieved to see the mage calm down and gain back some confidence. After some minutes of silence and rest, Fenris started to fidget. The floor wasn’t exactly warm and comfortable. Anders noticed and guilt painted his features.

“It’s okay now. Really. You can go back to sleep. I’m sorry I woke you up. I just…just cracked. It happen. I can handle it alone so…You can leave.”

As a frown formed on his face, the mage quickly averted his eyes, stubbornly looking at the ceiling, blank and white and maybe calming. Fenris grunted. Right. Count on the idiotic healer who just had a panic attack to tell you it was okay to leave them all alone. Like it would make him feel better to go back to sleep leaving Anders on the floor.

“To find you again in the bathroom when I’ll wake up later because you didn’t have the force to crawl to your bed ? No thanks. Come on, I’ll help you to get back there.”

“You…You don’t have to..”

“Hush.”

His tone was final and firm. Anders didn’t retort anything for once.

“Can you stand up ?

Instead of answering, Anders pushed himself up. Sitting up was okay. Standing up was too brutal. Fenris barely had the time to catch him.

“Venhedis mage ! A moment ago you were still struggling to breathe and now you try to jump on your feet like if nothing happened. Do you enjoy hitting the floor so often ?”

“No…but maybe I enjoy being caught by strong arms ?”

He restrained a groan despise the blush coloring his cheeks. Anders was back to teasing. He still sounded hesitant but he took this as a good sign, he was getting back to his normal annoying yet assured self. He prefered this.

“Shut up and lean on me.”

He obeyed without any more comments about his arms or shoulders or hold, letting Fenris lead him to his bedroom, step by step. When they finally reached it, door already opened, and bed fortunately not far, he tried to let him go as gently as possible.

“Here. You okay ? You need any more pills ?”

Anders shook his head, lying on his back, sighing at the sensation of a warm, soft mattress under him.

“It’s okay. Once the crisis is passed it’s fine.”

“And you are sure the crisis is over ?” He insisted, not ready to leave without the certitude that Anders wouldn’t wake up later, gasping for air and unable to call him.

“Normally yes.”

“Normally ?

“What you said…made the nasty voice shut up. I think.”

Fenris quirked an eyebrow.

“The nasty voice ?”

“Yes. The nasty voice that make me feel like shit during this time of year. It kind of…voice all of my fears until…until I can’t handle it anymore and have a crisis. But once everything is out it usually stop.”

He was far from convinced, this story of nasty voice was too weird for his liking.

“You’re sure you are well ? No fever or something ?”

Usually he avoided contacts but he needed to make sure Anders was out of trouble. So this time he accepted to press his hand on his forehead.Indeed the mage was a little warm and his cheeks quickly turning more red than pale.

“Stop this.” Anders smiled nervously, pushing him ahead. “I’m starting to thing that you really care about me.”

“Of course I do.”

It rendered him speechless. Fenris only shrugged, too focused on searching any sign of fever or anything else that could threathen the mage’s health.

“You…You do ?”

“…I wouldn’t worry over you if I didn’t mage. You’re maybe a pain sometimes but…I don’t enjoy seeing you like this.”

“Oh…”

Oh, indeed. Himself was a little troubled by what he just admitted to Anders. But again a lot happened tonight. And he found himself less bothered than what he had expected to be. Well, what was a little confession when he had seen Anders this vulnerable ? He owed him some trust, some reassurance that he wasn’t the only one opening himself to the other.

“If you feel okay then…”

“Fenris ? Can I…ask you something ?”

He stopped talking and shot Anders a wondering look in the dim light of the room. Anders was twisting his fingers, obviously unsure and anticipating a rejection. Fenris sighed and grabbed his hand in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. He received a surprised look. It slowly morphed in a timid smile.

“Would it..Would it bother you to stay with me ? A little ? To make sure everything is okay ?”

He tensed, preparing himself to be disappointed. Fenris rolled his eyes, making a show of accepting with reluctance when, in fact, he was relieved Anders asked. He would have stayed or checked on him all night anyway.

“Fine. But make me some place, I am not staying on the floor.”

“Oh you’ll see, you get used to it, it’s almost comfortable when you focus more on how to breathe. Okay, okay, I’m making room.”

Fenris had to restrain a fond look as he sat on the bed near Anders, watching him as this one quickly fell in a deep slumber, exhausted.

 

oOo

 

When he woke up, his back slightly sore and his head a bit heavy, the first thing he noticed was Fenris’s absence. For a second he almost panicked. Then he saw the bright light of day and realized it was late. Fenris must have left for classes or something. After all he had other things to do than nurse him.

He said it without bitterness, it was the truth. Fenris…had already been surprisingly caring and gentle last night. He had stayed with him, talked to him, reassured him until he was safe and sound and tucked in his bed. He even watched his sleep and…Anders felt a bit undeserving for all of this. Not in a depressive, self-loathing kind of way, no, this, the nasty voice, it was gone, for good he hoped, at least until next year. Usually it went like this. No, he felt undeserving because he felt like he gave Fenris no other choice than being nice to him despise their previous fight. Of course he was happy they kind of made peace but…it maybe a bit too easy for him to get away like this. A panic attack and he should be forgiven for his own words ? No, even if Fenris told him he was right and even if his former manager yielded before him, it wasn’t fair…Once Fenris would be back he would apologize for this. Fenris deserved some excuses as well.

He rolled on his side, trying to reach the end of the bed and froze when his eyes fell on his nightstand. On a tray, in a plate, some grilled toast with jam were waiting for him, as well as a glass of orange juice. A note was stuck on its edge.

_I’m off to see my manager begging me not to call the press. Also I read somewhere that fruits and vitamins c were good for depression and such. If you don’t feel okay call me before you pass out again on the floor please._

His eyes filled with tears and his heart swelled with endearment. As well as something else he couldn’t or wouldn’t name yet. The moment was too nice to ruin it with problematic feelings.


	17. Day 17

_Send internet memes that will make them laugh. (And could you please give me news, either you’re both ignoring my texts either you managed to commit a double murder and met your end together, like cursed lovers, how tragic !)_

It was a slow day at the clinic and Anders was thankful for it. Rubbing his eyes, he tried to stay awake or alert, in case a patient entered. If it was a real emergency he must be ready. Officially he was an assistant in this social center where he had settled his clinic, not yet a real doctor . But his natural talents for healing magic had quickly given him a position, his help was regularly asked and his skills recognized by everyone. It hadn’t been long before he was partly put in charge of the medical area of this place. Today, though, Lirene, the social worker who owned the center, had noticed the dark circles under his eyes and his quiet mood. With a gentle, understanding look she had told him to stay behind the desk for today and to let other nurse take care of the patient.

He was still very much tired by the recent events yet he wasn’t the kind to neglect his obligations. The clinic was more than a job, it was a personal engagement, a way to milit and also prove his use of magic was beneficial. Plus he was the sole magical healer there, even if the other worker could properly take care of most cases, there were times where only his gift could fix things. He had already take a day off yesterday, being absent any longer was out of question when he was essential to the clinic. 

Well, maybe not today, no patient had yet passed the door, making it hard for him to stay awake. Boredom and exhaustion wasn’t a productive combination. In front of his computer, he lazily scrolled down random pages about activism and cats. Suddenly an image caught his attention and he clicked, Hawke’s daily challenge coming back in his mind. When he realized what it was, he bited his lips to contain his smile. Should he..? Maybe not. Fenris had been incredibly nice lately and he wasn’t sure that going back to their usual bickering wouldn’t tire him out until he said something harsh once again, especially after the last events, Anders wasn’t the only one exhausted these last days. He was growing accustomed to gentleness and carefulness, even though he warned Fenris not to pity him nor treat him like a porcelain doll just because he had passed out. For only answer the elf had mildly kicked his foot, it had been more like his usual rough attitude but far from mean, reassuring Anders. But at the same time he missed their teasing a little, and if it was as soft as this kick then maybe he could handle it.

Well, he was going to try. And if Fenris showed signs of annoyance he would stop and apologize before it got out of hand. He couldn’t help himself, he was bored and Fenris, despise his grumpy looks, could be a great source of fun. He searched the picture on his phone and sent it.

-

_‘Don’t they remind you of someone ?’_

_-_

It reminded him of their Ecards fight, which had been surprinsingly amusing and hoped Fenris would take it with the same humor. Impatiently waiting for an answer, he opened his books to work a little on his classes, trying to pass the time. He tried to look collected when his phone lighted up but inside he was anticipating the response.

_‘You sure share the same goofy smile.’_

Anders pouted a little but played along.

_‘And both of you look like you ate something sour. Grumpy and Broody, you would make a great duo.’_

No message arrived for several minutes and he started to worry a little, wondering if he had said something wrong. He released a sigh he didn’t realize he had been holding when Fenris’s name appeared on screen. And giggled at the picture. 

-

-

He shook his head, fondly, delighted to see Fenris participating in the challenge so willingly.

-

_‘No you won’t, you like my goofy smile ! But really, you have to admit you share an impressive resemblance with Ser Grumpy Cat here. Look !’_

_ _

-

_‘I beg to differ, I’m more like this’_

_ _

-

Anders muffled a laugh, indeed it fitted Fenris really well. And he was happily surprised to see the elf was able to make fun of himself, sometimes. Even if he personally found it more adorable than ridiculous. After all Fenris was being compared to a cat and Anders adored every cat, every single one. Seeing one reminding him of his roommate made the elf a little adorable by association.

Suddenly recalling something rather important, he forgot this meowverlous exchange for a minute.

_‘How was your first day back to work by the way ?’_

Fenris took his time to respond and he was starting to drum his fingers on the desk impatiently. Eventually he got his answer, this one making his eyes widen.

-

_‘Me when telling the manager I quit this morning went a little like that’_

_-_

What the…In a flash he was dialing Fenris’s number, anxiously hoping this one wasn’t busy and would answer. The moment a little ‘click’ resounded in his ear, he jumped.

“What do you mean ? Why did you quit ?! Did something happen again ?!”

“Well hello to you too.” Fenris’s sarcastic tone said. Anders bited his lips, he seemed tired but not too pissed off, he hoped.

“Yes, yes, hello, now tell me why you quit ?”

“Because my manager is still an ass. And because I received a call from another place and they’re proposing me something more interesting. Varric knows the boss and told me it was a good place.”

“Oh…That’s good ? I guess ?” He sighed, a bit relieved.

Fenris stayed silent for a moment and Anders squirmed, a little uneasy. It was rare when he called him, they mainly sent text. Having Fenris’s voice growling directly in his ear was strange. An…exciting kind of strange he had to admit. Step by step their relationship was evolving, for the best he hoped. The silence was broken by the elf unsure voice.

“You’re not mad at least ?”

Anders’s eyebrows rised.

“What ? Why would I be ?”

“Because…you fought for me to keep this job. I don’t know, I thought you would be…a little disappointed to have made these efforts for nothing.”

Oh…Oh dear, Fenris being so thoughful was unusual…and moving. His voice was soft, a little tense, obviously worried about his reaction. 

“It wasn’t for nothing. It teached him a lesson.” He reassured him. “And like you said he’s an ass so it’s best for you to quit, yes. Also now that you’re not working here anymore maybe I can ruin his reputation, I wasn’t lying about these connexions you know.”

He heard something that suspiciously sounded like a muffled laugh at the other end of the line. 

“You’re dreadful.”

He nearly retorted something before realizing the tone was amused, even fond. Oh…For some reason it made him blush a little. Knowing that Fenris might be smiling while thinking about him, might think fondly of him was…extremely satisfying, too satisfying if he had to be honnest. He nervously rubbed his nape.

“Yes, fear me.”

Fenris huffed.

“Not after you compared yourself to the goofiest looking cat I ever saw, no.”

“You mean handsome. And don’t judge a book by its cover.” He smirked smugly. “See Fenris, on the surface you’re like this grumpy cat, all bark and glares, but deep underneath I bet you’re just a fluffy beast craving for scratches and petting..”

“Is that how you kid flirt nowadays ?”

He flailed around as Lirene’s voice brushed his ear, near, too near. Why didn’t he heard her arriving ? Did he get that distracted by Fenris’s own suave, deep, growling voi..HUM.

He stuttered a little, desperatly searching for a witty comeback, in vain. With an expert, quick gesture, Lirene snatched his phone with a sly smirk. Anders could only gasp, horrified.

“I’m sorry but Anders is at work and apparently talking with his boyfriend, partner or sexbuddy, whatever, distract him so much that he didn’t realize I called him twice because I require his help. I’m sorry for interupting this weird but oh so romantic conversation but I’m sure you’ll have all the time to sate your craving for ‘scratches’ later….Yes. Thanks for your understanding. Aw, you’re a lovely boy, Anders have good tastes. Bye.”

His mouth was open around a silent, scandalized scream. When he finally recovered the control of his tongue and body, he snatched his phone back and glared at Lirene, this one raising her hands in a defensive attitude, like she didn’t just imply that him and Fenris were…that…oh shit it was going to be awkward.

“You…are an evil person who just made my relationship with my roommate incredibly weird and embarassing.”

“Your roommate ? Oh I am so sorry.” She smirked, not even bothering to fake innocence.

“You’re not !” He groaned, thinking about how flustered Fenris must have been and wondering if he would be mad at him for this. 

“You’re right.” She shrugged. “You weren’t answering me and you know how I hate to be ignored. Now come on, forget about your ‘roommate’ for a minute and come with me. I have some work for you.”

“Why do I feel irony in the way you use roommate ?” He asked, regretting his question the minute he uttered it. No, in fact he didn’t want to know why the oh so perceptive Lirene doubted his words.

“Because the only time I saw you smirk like this was when this handsome patient shamelessly flirted with you while you healed his burnt, toned, tanned chest.” She waggled her eyebrows.

He grunted. She was stupid, it was stupid, it wasn’t like this at all, it couldn’t be, it shouldn’t be…His phone vibrated. Despise Lirene’s glare he clicked on his new message.

-

-

“Yes. This smirk. This one.”

He stared at her with all the annoyance he could gather. She was wrong. It wasn’t like that. He merely smiled because apparently Fenris wasn’t mad at him. And because it was funny. Yes that’s it. Perfectly logical reason. Of course. What else ?


	18. Day 18

_Ask your partner for a hug._

“Hawke seriously no.” Anders used a little too much strenght when hitting the table with the flat of his hand and had to hide a wince. The firm gesture didn’t impress Garrett in the least, this one made his way around the table and pushing Anders out of his chair. The latter spluttered indignantly.

“I didn’t check on you for days and you didn’t share your progresses with me ! I’m not even sure you really did my challenges..” This overgrown child that tried to pass for an adult whined. “So you’re going to do this one before my very eyes ! Come on now ! Hug !”

Varric was slowly shaking his head at Hawke’s antics, chuckling a little between two sip of beer. The latter was starting to make a scene, loudly encouraging Anders and pushing him toward Fenris. 

“No ! Garrett please, look at how tense and murderous Fenris look, he obviously don’t want to be hugged. And doing it in the middle of the bar he’s working in isn’t going to make things easier.”

Indeed, the elf was frowning a little, his body on edge, ready to flee. He had a short pause and took the opportunity to go great his friends, here to celebrate his new job. He started to regret it, feeling cornered. 

“All on Fenris then ?” Isabela purred from behind him, making him jump. He didn’t hear her sneaking on him and he hated this. “But not you Anders ? You’re not against a tight, nice hug from this broody, snarky, sexy elf then ? I bet you would love all this tanned skin against you…”

“No !”

Anders bite his lips when Fenris quirked an eyebrow at him. He had no desire to hug him right now but for some reason this scandalized answer wounded him a little. Was he this repulsing ?

“I mean…” Anders cleared his throath. “What I meant is that we all know Fenris isn’t a fan of physical contact, with anyone. I don’t want to let my neck at his teeth’s reach.” He added with a playful smile, trying to catch his eyes, trying to see if he was still offended. He wasn’t, even if the idea of Anders being somehow repulsed to touch him was weirdly bothering him.

“Excuses, excuses ! Isabela ! Plan B !”

“Aye-aye captain !” 

Before he could realize what was happening, Isabela was pressing her ample chest against his back and pushing him forward. In a flash, he was slammed against Anders. Himself trapped by Hawke. Him and Isabela sandwiched them firmly, pressing them against each other, closely, too closely. Fenris imploded with embarassment, feeling his cheeks burn, so much he was certain he could cook a nug steak on them. But their stupid friends weren’t finished with them. Suddenly his arms were grabbed and forced around Anders shoulders. He tried to wrestle, the proximity becoming barely bearable, but Hawke and Isabela tightened their embrace, linking their arms around them to make sure they couldn’t escape.

Fenris was trying really hard to keep his calm, to not clench his fist on Anders’s flesh, to not use his strenght to push him and Hawke away, sending them waltzing on some tables. First because it wouldn’t be good on his first day of work. Second because it would maybe harm Anders when this one wasn’t responsible. He had tried to stop them, tried to respect his limits and private space. It wasn’t his fault if they had pushy, insensitive friends. 

So instead of getting mad, he did his best to relax. Anders for his part was still tense, obviously as uncomfortable with the situation. Eyes wide, fixed on Fenris, filled with horror. Because he had no idea how he would react or because he was really bothered to be in contact with Fenris, he didn’t know. He silently hoped it wasn’t the later, for an obscure reason it would be a bit…upsetting.

“I’m sorry…” He heard the mage mutter, still looking like a tarsier. “Hawke if you don’t release me this instant I will roast your butt and other intimate parts until I’m sure you’ll never be able to give birth to any children.” He squealed, his menaces tarnished by the slight tremor in his voice. 

“One more minute and you’ll be free.”

Anders groaned and let his head fall forward. His forehead just above his own shoulder, his hair tickling his cheeks. Fenris took a deep, calming breath. And noticed that the mage…smelt good. He was only a inch away, his pale neck just before his nose, a strong scent of elfroot, cinnamon and old books emanating from it. It was…strangely appealing. And for a terrible second Fenris had the urge to get closer, so he could inhale the rich smell better. 

Venhedis. He grimaced. What was he thinking, it was Anders, a mage, his roommate. He wasn’t even sure they were friends despise the recent events, it wasn’t clear, their bond wasn’t clear. A lot of things happened and he maybe got a bit fond of him and he wanted to be nicer and see Anders smile at him warmly like he did the other day and stare at him with this intriguing look that made him a bit…Ugh. 

He felt overwhelmed because it was rare for him to be this close to someone in this kind of context. Not because of any…stupid attraction or curiosity of this sort. Of course Anders wasn’t hard on the eyes, even him wasn’t hypocrite enough to deny it, he had always looked unsufferably nice for someone this annoying, Fenris had often thought it was kind of a shame. But just because Anders had a bright smile and soft golden locks surely nice to touch and pull on..Ugh. Just because Anders wasn’t ugly, as he said, didn’t mean he wanted him like this. No. He didn’t. And the fact that their relationship was morphing in something a bit more understanding wasn’t going to change this. Anders would never entertain the idea to…with him…Vehnedis.

Suddenly Anders leaned completely against him, head hiding in his neck, hands cautiously grabbing his sides and he just…Kind of melted against Fenris for a minute.

“Sorry…” He heard him sigh, so low he was surely the only one to hear it. “Just…for a second…”

Fenris froze. But weirdly not from a repulsed kind of discomfort. What petrified him was the insidious warmth filling his bones, coloring his skin, swelling his chest. And the irritating little twist in his stomach.

It was a relief when Hawke and Isabela finally freed them. Fenris imediatly took some steps back, shaking his head as well as his fool ideas away. With a huff and a glare he turned on his heels and got back to work. Trying to ignore Anders’s sorry look. 

oOo

“Are you okay ?”

He shrugged. He felt nervous, walking back home with only Anders, this one pressing a bit closer to check on him. His hot breath warming his skin in this cold night of february. His ears twitched and he fought back a flush. Not the moment.

“I’m sorry for earlier. I know you don’t like that, it makes you feel uneasy. Hawke should have been…No I should have…”

“What is done is done.” He cut him, sensing he was going to panick again. He really wasn’t up for another night of worry and nursing. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“Still…I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have leaned against you either, I only made things more awkward for you.” Anders passed a nervous hand in his hair, looking at the floor with a shamed expression. 

“…About that.” He couldn’t keep his tongue behind closed teeth, his curiosity had to be stronger of course…The mage was a bad influence on his good sense and capacity to hold his tongue. “I thought you didn’t want to hug me either so why did you…”

They were walking side by side, both a little dizzy with alcohol. He had felt the need to take a drink before going back to his friends, before affronting Anders’s searching eyes. He didn’t have enough to drown the weird feeling still bothering his belly though. Both avoiding each other’s eyes, they were making their way home, steps loud in the empty streets. 

“Ha, I’m…I’m just a really tactile person. And lately I really needed physical contact and comfort. I guess…I kind of took advantage of the situation. A group hug. It was too tempting. But I shouldn’t have, I felt you tensing and…I almost thought you were going to punch me.”

He let out a giggle, brief and shy. 

“Thanks for resisting the urge.”

“I wouldn’t have punched you. Hawke on the other hand should stay away from me for some days.”

Anders had a strange, bitter smile.

“It was this bad, hm ?”

He…wasn’t sure what to say. 

“…No. Not really.” He drawled, hesitant. “It’s just that they took me by surprise. I didn’t like to be forced into it but the contact wasn’t…bad. Not really.”

Anders ceased to avoid his gaze and looked at him, surprised and intrigued, for a second. Then a small smile graced his lips. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t even wink or waggled his eyebrows or did anything that would usually embarass him and makes his cheeks grow hot. For a mysterious reason, when he caught his perceptive yet timid glance, they did nonetheless. Yes. Not bad at all. Venhedis…


	19. Day 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm late, I took a day off and now I have to get my rythm back

_Ask them to tell you a story about their past and listen. Without interruption._

“Do you want to ?”

From the corner of his eye Fenris saw that Anders was holding his phone, pensively staring at it.

“Hawke’s challenge. Do you want to ?”

“Do you ?”

His shoulders stiffened a little as he wrapped the blanket more tightly around him, focusing back on the tv show while Anders took his time to think.

“…I think. Maybe. But I don’t know what to talk about.”

Fenris shrugged. He had no idea either. He had…memories from his past. But he wasn’t sure it was something he wanted to talk about.

“Maybe you could ask me one question about my past ? And I would ask you one ?”

It took him some minutes to make up his mind. For some reason it was tempting, he had something in mind, something he was curious about. But what if it triggered something equally disturbing in Anders’s head ? Since his panic attack he was on edge. And even if the mage told him not to treat him like a porcelain doll, not to be nicer just because he thought him vulnerable…well he couldn’t help but do so. 

“If it’s something too personal or troublesome we are free to refuse.” 

Anders nodded quietly. Their gaze were both fixed on the screen. Avoiding looking at the other made this rather awkward and intimate deal less hard. 

“..Okay I know you are a prudish maiden so I’ll start ?” Anders let ou a hesitant giggle, his teasing weakened by the tense mood.

They were both trying to ignore how heavy the atmosphere was becoming yet they were both starting to shift on the couch, anxious, anticipating. Avoiding eye contact made the experience a little less oppressive. But in the end the territoty they were about to enter was mined and they were both worried to provoke an explosion. Anders showed more courage than him in the end.

“So ? A question ? Go ahead I’m ready. Ask me who was the first person I bewitched with my voodo magic, how I got this magnificent hair, how was named my first cat, who..”

“When we talked a little about your panic attack, you told me it happened every year at this time. Is there a reason ?” 

Anders’s unstoppable flow of suggestions ran dry instantly. Fenris tensed.

“..Is that okay ?”

“…Yes. I…Yes. I can tell you this. And…in exchange I want to know why..why you avoid physical contact so much. Because from my experience it doesn’t seem like a natural distaste.”

“…I’ll see if I can.”

He highly doubted he could. But…he could try. Maybe. If Anders’s own answer was intimate enough to give him the strength to open as well, to exchange back something equally personal.

“Okay. I won’t push if you don’t want to.”

He nodded and waited, still not looking but listening carefully at the mage’s deep breaths.

“Okay. If you ever listened to my speeches, if you weren’t too busy imagining thousand ways to gag and kill me, you surely know there are some…punishments in the Circle.”

Fenris nodded. No interruptions the instructions said. He didn’t want to cut Anders in his momentum either.

“Mostly, if the templars aren’t too bad, it’s cleaning duties or no meal for a day. But sometimes it can go as far as physical corrections. And for stupid reasons on top of that, like a couple kissing in the library or an apprentice litting a candle with magic or just looking at one irritable templar, because yes obviously these reasons are perfectly logical to slap a fourteen years old or deprive a kid of food for a whole day..”

Here he goes again, losing himself in his passionated rant and forgetting the main subject. Fenris almost gave up on his momentary wish of silence but fortunately Anders took a deep calming inspiration and focused back on his question.

“Anyway. the worst punishment happened either when you truly rebelled against a templar or when you tried to escape. You know the Circle obtain full authority on us the moment our parents give us to them. Its leader become like our legal tutor and we are chained to this place till we’re major. And even when we reach majority it’s not guaranteed that we can leave, they find ways to keep us, to chain us.”

Anders reached for his glass of apple juice and took a small sip. Fenris just saw his hand. It was trembling a little.

“…I…I escaped. A lot of times. Before majority. The first times I got some minor punitions. The fourth time I didn’t eat for a week. The fifth for three weeks. They only gave me some bread when I was about to pass out and it was only because they didn’t want me to rest in the infirmary.”

He paused. Fenris was starting to feel uneasy. He didn’t like this. It sounded…extremely alike to what elves endured in Tevinter. Even if it was nothing compared to his own experience. Anders sighed, he turned back his attention to him.

“The seventh time I fled and was caught back, Greagoir, the ‘commander’ of my Circle..seriously commander sound so pompous these people have such modesty..Whatever. Greagoir decided to take drastic measures. He put me in solitary. At this time of year. February is the month I went in and got out of solitary.”

Despite the deal, Fenris couldn’t help but ask.

“For a whole month ?”

“..A whole year.”

He didn’t realize immediatly. Processing the information took him a moment. When he eventually did he frowned, incredulous, and turned toward Anders, ready to say it was ridiculous, it couldn’t be true, they weren’t in Tevinter, this kind of thing couldn’t happen here. A lonely tear was dripping down the mage’s cheek. His eyes were lost as well as his mind certainly, in a far away and terrible place. Every words he had planned to say got caught in his throath.

“…I know…” When Anders finally spoke again his voice was shaky with restrained sorrow. “…I know it seems unbelievable. We are in a free country. There are rights for everyone. There are rules against abuses, especially toward children…You see these therapy centers to make you go back to heterosexuality even you don’t approve of but are still here and free to do as they want since they have the parents approval ? Well the Circle is a bit like this but with mages. Our parents gave them all the rights. The governement and the Chantry don’t want to deal with these polemics and start scandals. So they have no problems most of the time. Only once in a while a Circle is investigated and some templars fired because a mage committed suicide or managed to prove they were raped.”

He took a laborious breath, sniffled a little, his face crumbling down by the minute. Fenris was watching, powerless.

“So putting me into solitary for a year wasn’t a big deal. Basically we are like criminals in their eyes so what if they treat us like we’re in jail ? I stayed an entire fucking year in there. The first month I fighted and screamed at them. After that I slowly lost the energy and the will. Solitary makes you lose your mind without you even noticing, you are alone with yourself and it’s a horrible thing. You end up not supporting your own company and when people come in, even if it’s not to be nice to you…You’ll do anything to keep them around as long as possible. You’ll accept everything.”

There was something there. Something dark and monstrous, not to be touched, not to be mentionned and Fenris, despise his shock, had enough good sense left in him not to ask questions. He knew. Deep down he knew even if he refused to think about it, refused to accept it. Not because he didn’t want to pity mages or believe Anders. But because imagining him enduring this would make rage boil in every fiber of his body and mind. And it wasn’t the time to get angry. He wasn’t sensitive when angry and Anders was upset enough.

“When I got out…I was an empty shell. For months. With nobody to put me back on my feet. Karl was gone, everybody was scared to be seen with me. They didn’t want the templars to associate us and to make them go through the same thing. What is awesome with templars is that they even manage to destroy any possibility of solidarity, the last thing that you have in there…I still wonder how I managed to plan my eighth escape, to even think about doing it again. I…I remember I half-wished they would achieve me maybe. I told myself that if they found me again I would give them a reason to end it. Everything but the circle and solitary. I made it in the end. I didn’t realize it but the spring I escaped I turned eighteen. And even if it hadn’t stopped them I met people who took care of me, made sure I wouldn’t return there.”

He was weeping quietly, his eyes still stubbornly staring at the screen, like it was some kind of anchor. A weak giggle escaped his mouth at Crazy eyes antics. 

“So that’s the story. It’s why around this time of year I am a mess and everything the Circle tried to put in my head come back to haunt me. That’s it.” 

He curled on himself, hiding his face in his knees. He looked so fragile, so small, so…damaged. Fenris was troubled. What Anders told him…made his beliefs about the Circle crumble. Right he had talked about it before but…somehow he hadn’t been convinced before hearing him relate his own experience. Maybe it was because it was Anders, they were closer than before and he was a tangible person, right in front of him, weeping. He could only empathize with him. And in the end it made him doubt about his firm conviction that the Circle was good. Or at least that mages weren’t abused. But there was more important than his own irritating dilemmas. There was Anders. Small and Fragile. Damaged. Right there. 

Before he knew it, before he could stop himself, he groaned and crossed the couch. Dragging him into a hug. An awkward, tense hug where he didn’t know exactly where to put his arms. But he didn’t trust his words to appease Anders or to be gentle enough. So he silently tried to show his support, his presence, his understanding, to convey it through a physical way even if it was still a bit uncomfortable for him. Anders’s frame stilled. He frowned. He didn’t know if it was a good sign or a bad sign.

“You…” His croaked voice was muffled in his knees. But Fenris stil could decipher the surprise and the guilt in it. “You don’t have to do that. You don’t have to force yourself just because I’m pitiful and crying and…”

“Hush.” 

It was one firm word. It sufficed. In a blink Anders was melting against him, shifting, turning around to face him and nuzzle his chest, wiping his tears on his shirt. Fenris didn’t mind. He just wanted the sobs to stop and this infuriating distress in his own guts to cease. 

He remembered Anders’s question. And decided it was only fair to open up too. 

“I’m uncomfortable with physical contacts because my former tutor used it as a form of punishment.”

The mage tried to look up, to get away from his chest to face him. He firmly held his head in place. He didn’t know if he would be brave enough to confront these wet, questionning amber eyes. It was his turn to feel his heart clench and his throath constrict. 

“Not just hitting. It was more pervert. It was unwanted touches and…sollicitations. And he also used his magic. When I did something wrong he would ‘hug’ me, saying he just wanted to make peace and that I was forgiven. The second I was pulled in his arms he shot magic through my whole body. My tattoos are basically conduct lines for it. It was easy to set my whole body on fire. Figuratively.”

Anders was calm against him, not trembling, not sobbing anymore. Just..listening. Waiting for him to utter word after word until he was over, until he couldn’t anymore…

“It’s not that I hate physical contacts but…Everytime someone touch me, someone try to hug me..I expect pain. It’s like..”

“…conditioning.”

He sighed. 

“No interruptions.” He tried to smirk, gently poking Anders’s ribs. To hide his own pain, to cover it with fake teasing.

“Sorry.”

”…It’s okay. I was finished.”

None moved. They both stayed like this leaning against the other. And Fenris didn’t mind for once, not even one bit. He expected no trick, no pain. Just silent comfort. 

“If…If it makes you uneasy you can let me go. I’m okay.” Anders assured, the tone of his voice saying the contrary however. “I just…I think it’s over. I just needed to cry a little, pity myself for a minute, play the martyr you know…But I’m better now. So if you want to stop, just say so.”

Fenris thought about it. Anders’s hands were around his waist, brushing his skin yet easy to push away if he needed to. His breath, not uneven anymore, was gently caressing his chest. His hair tickled his chin. He could smell him. His sweet comforting scent. 

“It’s okay. This is fine. You are fine.”

They agreed to go back to normal after this, to not talk about it unless it was a necessity, to not pity the other, to not let it get to them. They agreed to it after a long, long, long hug. Loose enough for them to flee if needed. Awkward. But comforting. 


	20. Day 20

_Do body art together._

“You wouldn’t think this challenge only concern us when you see how many times Hawke like to take part in it.”

Fenris grumbled in his scarf. It was a nice day for February, sunny, not a lot of wind. Anders was basking in the light, only wearing a sweater. But for someone from Tevinter it was still as frigid as the ass of a chantry’s nun. If Hawke didn’t give him an excellent reason for dragging them outside he would bite. He was barely kidding. 

“Awww look at you, poor little fragile thing who need its…” Anders never finished his gentle teasing.

Before he could, something round smashed against his chest, exploding, releasing a geyser of blue. They both froze, eyes wide open, staring at the blue liquid dripping down Anders’s clothes. 

“What the…” This time it was Fenris who was cut.

The next second he was blind, something covering his whole face, eyes included. He let out a snarl, panicked and furious. 

“Shit ! I’m sorry !” 

Garrett Hawke’s voice reached his ears and his blood boiled even more. What did this big idiot invented again ?! 

“Fenris ? Are you okay ! Oh Maker can you open your eyes ? Wait, don’t, give me a minute..” 

Anders’s voice had a countereffect. If Hawke’s had doubled his annoyance, his soothed him almost immediatly. As did his gentle hands when they reached for his face, carefully tilting his chin. He tensed for only one second before relaxing and letting the mage handle him. Something soft was pressed against his eyes, wiping the thing from them, then rubbed his forehead to make sure nothing would drip down his face and reach them. 

“Try to open them ?” Anders’s sounded extremely worried and Fenris felt a bundle of anxiety settle in his stomach too.

He slowly blinked. His eyes didn’t hurt much, the residual sting was faint and diminishing. And he could perfectly see. Especially the mage’s face, just in front of his. A frown twisted his features and his teeth attacked his lips as he waited for a verdict about the state of his eyes.

“I’m fine.” He groaned, still a bit shocked and irritated. 

“You’re sure ?”

He nodded. Anders sighed. Fenris noted his sleeve was red instead of beige and he looked at his own scarf, itself covered in crimson. 

“I’m so sorry ! I didn’t think it would…” Hawke approached, sheepish, cringing a little as he stared at Fenris, ready to face his fury. He jumped when the angry lecture came from Anders instead.

“You didn’t think at all yes ! You do realize how dangerous it is to throw paint at someone’s face ?! Not only this but the impact on his eyes was violent, you could have blinded him !”

“It…It was for today’s challenge and…” Hawke whined, trying to make himself little, which was easy when Anders was towering over him with this dark look. “It’s washable.”

“Washable doesn’t mean it’s safe you fucking moron !” 

Even Fenris was petrified by now, contemplating Anders’s building rage with a hint of fear. The mage rarely got this angry but when he did…he was a serious threath. Despise Hawke’s dick move, he could almost take pity on him. Anders looked ready to make him drink the paint to prove him washable wasn’t safe.

The rest of the group joined them, Bethany and Merrill sprinting ahead and putting themselves between Anders and Hawke.

“Okay, calm down Anders !” Hawke’s little sister demanded with a soothing tone, grabbing her fellow mage’s shoulders with cautious gesture. “I understand you’re angry at Garrett, it was stupid from him to throw this paint bomb at Fenris’s face but at least this one is non-toxic.”

Anders focused on her and seemed to calm down a little bit.

“You’re sure ?”

“Yes.” She confirmed with a reassuring smile. “Merrill, Carver and I went with Garrett to buy it, we didn’t trust him to choose a good one and not to buy the whole art department of the shop.” 

“There were really nice stickers.” The big oaf tried to defend. Behind him Carver rolled his eyes and slapped the back of his head.

Anders took a deep breath. He looked at Bethany one more time, searching any hint of lie or doubt in her eyes. Satisfied by the confidence he saw in them, he sighed and relaxed. Yet the next glance he gave Hawke wasn’t friendly at all. 

“You’re still a moron.” 

Hawke looked down, having at least the decendy to look guilty. 

“Sorry. I guess you’re not up for a paint war after this ?”

Fenris, who had stayed silent until then, snorted a little. Hawke’s pitiful number of kicked puppy wouldn’t work this time. 

“Oh don’t be so sure.”

Or not. He gave Anders a surprised look. He caught a hint of an evil smirk on his lips.

“Fenris are you up to get your revenge ?”

It took him a second to realize Anders was waiting for a clear answer, worriedly looking at him, maybe thinking he was too in pain or angry to participate. But he wasn’t, not in the least. You could never be hurt or angry enough to refuse an opportunity to destroy Garrett Hawke.

“I’ll give you five seconds to hide Hawke.” He warned this one who paled a little.

“Perfect. You’re going to look like the teletubbies rolled you in their cum.”

He giggled as Fenris shook his head, groaning as his ears turned red.

 

oOo

 

“Okay ! I yield ! I yield !” 

Hawke was curled on himself on the grass. Above him, Fenris and Anders eyed him disdainfully, twin smirks on their face.

“I’m not sure you deserve an amnesty.” 

Beside him Fenris seemed to agree, grabbing one of the last paint bomb Merrill gave him. 

“I let you the honor to achieve him.” He bowed mockingly.

He took some step back, a mischevious smirk that had nothing to do with Hawke’s baneful fate appearing on his lips. The elf didn’t seem to focus on him. Good. He wasted another bomb, dropping it on their friend’s head, a mighty revenge. Content, victorious, he turned back toward him, ready to say something. 

The bomb that exploded against his chest rendered him speechless. A booming laugh escaped Anders’s mouth. He looked so shocked, so betrayed, so…ready to kill him. Oh fuck.

“Hey ! I didn’t aim for your eyes !” He raised his hands in surrender, still giggling madly, unable to control himself.

“Traitor…” Fenris growled.

“Never trust a mage.” He deepened his voice, mimicking Fenris’s tone. Badly though.

Fenris’s lips twitched. And suddenly he sprinted in his direction. Anders squealed and imediatly fled, his long legs giving him an advantage for once. But the elf was an athlete. He only had the time to run around a grove and pass behind some bushes before Fenris was on him, tackling him to the floor. His last bombs exploded under him and he swore. He was completely defensless now.

“You wouldn’t hit a disarmed charming young man right ?” He whined, shutting his eyes in anticipation.

Fenris chuckle tickled his nape and he suddenly realized this one was litteraly on him, pinning him to the ground by sitting on him. Oh dear. Before he had time to feel embarassed though, Fenris slammed a bomb on his shoulders and he cried as he felt the cold liquid run down his neck, reaching his bare skin.

“Where should I put the next one ?”

Oh no, he had to get away ! 

He must have taken Fenris by surprise because there was no way he could overpower him and inverse their position. Yet he did. One second he was on his belly, a vengeful elf on him. The next one he sent him flying flat on his back and quickly sat on him to try to pin him down…Well he tried. Like he said there was no way he could overpower Fenris and, once the surprise passed, this one rolled them around once again, putting him back on the ground. Except this time he was facing Fenris and had a really good view of the elf’s face just above him. Also he wasn’t on his hips but between his legs now. A rush of heat spreaded in his whole body. Oh maker’s pierced cock…

Fenris lifted the bomb, sly smirk on his face. The only defense he could think of was teasing. Which was delicate and risky in his position. But with some chances Fenris would be embarassed enough to back off. And stop breathing against his face. And stop looking at him with these dark eyes and this playful grin playing on his full lips and his hands wouldn’t pin his hand above his head and he would have a chance to hide his mortifying ar…Hmmmm shit.

Fortunately his big mocking mouth was there to ‘save’ him.

“Oh Fenris, you brute, taking advantage of a young maiden like me ! What are you doing pinning me down like this ?! Please do spare my virtue !”

Fenris’s smirk froze on his face. Then his whole expression crumbled down in a truly comical way. His eyes widened, his nose scrunched, his mouth pressed in a thin line. And his ears flattened against his hair. Which took Anders a little aback. It was..kind of cute. 

Hands were still pinning him down though and for a minute he thought his joke didn’t work, that the elf was going to stay there, statuefied, lying between his legs with his beautiful face only a few inches away from his for eternity. And for a minute he thought it wouldn’t be so bad and that if he contorted a little he might…he could maybe reach these slightly chapped li…

But Fenris let him go and crawled back, away from him, a furious blush tainting his tanned skin from neck to ears. 

“Stupid mage.” He grumbled.

Anders smiled smugly, trying put on a face and to forget the fact that he had planned for a minute to find a way to…

“HEY !”

The last bomb splashed on his groin. Well at least it would keep this one from reacting to anything for a moment, he thought sarcastically while glaring at the elf. 


	21. Day 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There, two in a day, to make up for my day off

_Find a local association at which to volunteer for the day._

“Really, mage ?”

Anders pouted at him and he couldn’t restrain a smile from spreading on his lips.

“Please ? Please, please, please ?“

He sighed. It was hard resisting to this imploring face, lately he understood Hawke’s struggle better. He was growing weak. 

“Fine. Still better than a mage activist association I guess.”

All excited, Anders didn’t even spare him a glare for this. Instead he whooped and skipped toward the animal shelter, not waiting for Fenris. He shook his head fondly before following him. When he pushed the door open, Anders was already at the counter, facing a frowning Hawke.

“I thought I banned you from here until the end of the challenge.”

“Hahaha !” The mage smugly smirked. “I’m only obeying your order. ‘Find a local association at which to volunteer for the day’ right ? Then we volunteer !”

Hawke gasped, looking at loss as his challenge backfired. He gave Fenris a hopeful look as he noticed him.

“You heard him. We volunteer.”

The way Hawke’s forehead violently smacked on the counter was extremely satisfying. He was still a bit angry at him for yesterday. So was Anders, he was taking more pleasure than what should be normal by tricking Hawke. 

“Fine, fine…” Their friend grumbled against the counter. “Go ahead, you know the way.”

“Thank you so much for your generosity !” The mage snickered before fleeing into a corridors, screaming in glee. “Papa is coming my furry babies !!!”

Fenris quirked an eyebrow. Still face smashed on the furniture, Hawke chuckled.

“Good luck Fenris, you’re in for one hell of an afternoon.”

He decided to ignore the big lug kissing his desk and tried to catch up with Anders. At the end of the corridor there was two doors with a airlock between them. And behind a room with cats. A ton of cats. And Anders already sitting among them, giggling as the animals climbed on him, lapped his face, pawed his chest. 

He had to admit it, he was a bit astounded. He already saw Anders happy. At a party, when he got good grades, when his pranks worked on him, after a good day at the clinic…But here he was ecstatic, his smile wider than he had ever seen, making little dimples appear on his cheeks and little creases at the corner of his eyes. One kitten clawed his skin and he laughed. He laughed. Fenris was almost worried. Was he having another kind of attack. Carefully he entered the room and approached.

“Fenris ! Come say hello to my babies ! Look this one is Ser Spots ! Here we have Lady Puffypaws and there Prince Meowficent !”

Anders’s expression was so gleeful and appeased at the same time, he couldn’t help but smile at it. 

“Come greet them !”

“Hmmmm I’m not sure. I’m not very good with animals. But enjoy yourself.”

Anders frowned, happiness progressively fading from his face. He seemed ready to say something but the door opened behind Fenris and this one had to jump away to not get hit. A little girl passed in front of him, happily waddling toward the cats. Slowly backing away until his back touched a wall, Fenris decided to stay quietly in a corner and observe. 

The little girl was accompanied by a huge qunari woman, this one had to duck to enter the room. Anders’s eyebrows raised a little at the sight, but he merely smiled politely and asked them if he could help them. With a booming, warm voice the qunari asked her girl which one she liked the most and imediatly the mage presented them the nicest cats they had there. It impressed Fenris a little, how well he knew every cat. Their name, their habits, their preferences, the way they liked to be petted, the treat they loved. No detail was spared. He appreciated how he cared about them. Someone once said you could judge someone by the way they treat animals, if it was the case then Anders was one of the gentlest soul on earth. He restrained a snort, it wasn’t totally wrong but he wasn’t a saint either. 

Suddenly something nudged his thigh and he tensed. A frail little gray cat was nuzzling at his pants, smelling him, even licking the fabric. When he caught his eyes he seemed to cringe and took a few steps back, like if he was worried to have been caught blood-pawed. Fenris stayed still, not certain if he wanted the attention but refusing to scare him either. He didn’t want Anders to scold him, he was pretty sure he woule behead him if he did as much as push a cat away. So he waited for this one to make up his mind, immobile and silent. After deep and long reflexions, it seemed to decide Fenris wasn’t as terrible as he looked like.

Carefully, slowly, ready to run away at any suspect gesture, the thin cat climbed on his lap. Patting it, he seemed to hesitate some more, wondering if he would do a good cushion. Apparently yes because one second after he was settling down, still keeping an eye on him, prudently. 

He had to be honnest. He prefered dogs over cats. These one were less loyal, more lazy, stayed with you for the food and you couldn’t run with them. But when this one started to purr, vibrations coursing through his legs, he relaxed amazingly quickly. He didn’t dare to touch him yet, the little trust the cat gave him still too fragile in his opinion. So he merely tried to enjoy the warm, purring bundle of fur gracing his lap by its presence. 

“Well look who made a friend.”

He looked up to meet Anders’s delighted eyes. The qunari and her daughter had left, with or without a cat he had no idea, and it was only the two of them in the room. Well them and the hundred of cats, the one taking his lap for a comfy couch included. 

“Well its a surprise our Great Catsby honor you by napping on you !” He squealed.

Fenris rolled his eyes.

“What ? I said I’m not good with animals, I didn’t say I repulse any living being.”

Anders shook his head with a wide smile.

“No, you don’t understand, Catsby is a very shy and nervous fellow, he rarely let anyone touch him and is very wary with strangers. A bit like you, must be why you get along so well !”

He scowled and the mage only grinned back, totally unabashed. 

“Even for me it took months before he trusted me. You must be the chosen one ! Or you rolled yourself in catnip.”

“You’re just jealous cats prefer me to you.” He smirked, teasing back mercilessly.

Anders gasped, a hand gripping his chest like he was physically wounded.

“You sir don’t deserve Catsby’s affection !”

“Tell him that, he seems pretty happy in MY lap.”

Huffing and crossing his arms, he started to pout at him. Fenris smirk turned into a smile. A endeared smile. The mage could be irritating but his silly and cute antics made it up for it…Realizing what he was thinking he scowled and chased the thought from mind. Ugh. Really. Not the time. Yesterday had already been troubling enough. No need to feed his confused feelings toward the mage. 

“You seem to like them a lot.” He knew he was stating the obvious but he didn’t know what else to say.

“Yeah. After I left the Circle I found a cat, Ser Pounce-A-Lot.” Anders’s expression turned sad. “You know these studies about how having a pet can appease you ? Totally true. I was really anxious at this time and Pounce helped me a lot to get better.”

He didn’t know what to say to that. Talking about Anders’s anxiety issues and the scars the Circle had left was delicate, still. He prefered to nod and let him do the talking. Fortunately he changed the subject quickly, focusing back on the little squatter on Fenris’s lap.

“It’s too bad he’s this shy. When family comes he hide in a corner and he flee children. They’re too energetic for him. He’s been here for three years now and nobody even considered adopting him. If a certain someone wasn’t against having a cat at home I would take him.” He added, poiting an accusing finger at Fenris.

“If I wasn’t sure you wouldn’t buy him fish and that he wouldn’t lose hair everywhere maybe I would consider it.” He retorted even if some guilt was creeping in his chest. Anders had looked so nostalgic talking about his cat and so sorry for this one, he actually felt a little bad for him. But the teasing helped to chase the uneasiness away, like always.

“Say the one who never clean up !” Anders gasped. “I’m sure the cat will leave less hair on the couch than you leave on the shower every morning !”

Fenris scoffed. Anders smiled victoriously. The door opened again and Anders focused back on the customer, offering his warmest smile and already grabbing a kitten to pet and present. A tiny smile graced Fenris’s lips. Contemplating how at peace Anders looked right now, practically radiating happiness as cats covered him, he pensively petted the cat on his lap. Catsby purred louder and he shot him a thoughtful look. Maybe cats weren’t all that bad.


	22. Day 22

_Find 5 things to agree on._

“Orange is the new black is awesome !”

Fenris gave him a patronizing look. On the screen Piper was once again getting in troubles.

“Agreed. But a bit easy don’t you think ?”

Anders shrugged, happily munching on a cookie.

“It’s a good start ! Your turn !”

He took his time to think while sipping his coffee.

“Mafé is pretty good.”

“Mafé is divine.” He agreed, then smirked. “And really ? You think it’s better ?”

Narrowing his eyes at the mage, he tried to come up with something more…original let’s say. 

“Maybe…we could agree on more meaningful things ?” Anders suggested hesitantly, twirling his spoon in his mug of tea. “Like, liking the same serie and food is nice but..you need something deeper to make a relationship progress. If that’s what you want of course.” He added with a sheepish smile.

It was..true. Even if some differences didn’t make people ennemies, you needed to share some opinions on important matter at least. An idea popped in his head, an idea that made him frown. It…it would sate Anders’s demand neatly but..It would be a hard thing to admit…Aaaaah fuck his pride, they were above this by now, right ? He hugged Anders while he cried and took care of him as he passed out on the bathroom’s floor. And HE was scared to open up a little and take a risk ? Urgh. He talked before he could change his mind.

“…Circles aren’t a good thing. Not as they are now at least.”

Anders almost dropped his mug.

“W..What ?”

He sighed. He already said it, he couldn’t go back on his words now.

“You heard me.”

Astonishment painted the mage’s face, making him squirm a little. Apparently he needed to justify himself to convince him. He looked like he expected it to be a joke, the fool..Would Fenris truly say this as a joke after everything he told him ? Did Anders see him this negatively ? The thought made his heart clench. He didn’t appear like this much of a jerk, did he ? 

“But you…” Anders stuttered, shaking his head in disbelief. “You don’t like mages and…”

“I’m suspicious toward mages.” He corrected. “But I admit they’re not all the same. And…even if they should be watched it’s not normal to be treated this way. No one should be treated this way. I talked a bit with Bethany too.”

“Oh so you trust her words more than mine ?” Anders seemed wounded and he felt the urge to groan.

“No ! Well…I never got into fight with Bethany before so I was a little more open to listen to her yes. And she pushed me to go see your blog and…check the interviews of former Circle mages. I realized you’re not the only one who got hurt, far from it. And that your Circle wasn’t the only one allowing abuses.”

He finished his coffee, slowly emptying his mug to fill the heavy silence that fell on them. 

“Tevinter is terrible. And the mages there are full of shit.”

Carefully looking up, he met Anders gentle smile. He looked touched..grateful. For some reasons this warm gaze on him made him flush. As for the words, they made a similar smile spread on his lips. 

“I never liked them but…saying the contrary was the easiest way to piss you off when we were fighting.” Anders confessed, a hint of shame passing in his eyes. 

“I understand, I guess.” Fenris tried not to appear too bothered, after all he hadn’t been tender either. 

“In truth this place must be horrible and I think mages should never have so much power over others. Apparently they don’t put their gift to good use. I would hate living here.”

“You would never fit there. You’re too good for them.”

They looked at each other for some time, sharing an understanding look and a sincere smile. There still was much to discuss and they surely weren’t in total agreement on these topics. But it was a good start. 

“Hawke’s challenge is doing some good after all.”

He smirked, it was like Anders read in his thoughts. 

“Not a reason to go easy on him though.” The blonde mage added with an evil rictus, obviously planning some other ways to take revenge on Hawke for all the shit they put them through. 

He nodded silently. They agreed on a lot more things than expected after all. Anders nursed his hot mug of tea, focusing back on the tv with a contented sigh. Fenris couldn’t restrain a fond smile. Too good indeed.


	23. Day 23

_Give them a gift._

“Guess who got the last apple pie at the bakery ? I had to fight with a little old lady and her vicious pug for it but…”

Anders’s face, as he noticed who was on the couch, was priceless. It was a wonder he didn’t drop the pie. Fenris couldn’t keep an amused smirk from spreading on his lips.

“Is…Is that ?”

He nodded. On his lap Catsby purred. He hadn’t moved from here, completely terrified of his brand new environment for now. 

“Someone told me nobody would adopt him even though he’s really quiet and clean. A shame really. Even I can tolerate him, I think.” 

His smile widened as Anders started to muffle his squeal in his palm. Practically throwing the pie on the kitchen’s table, he crossed the room and crawled on the couch. Careful despite his excitment to avoid scaring off the poor cat. Reaching for it, his hand brushed Fenris’s thigh. It sent unwanted shivers through them. He stubbornly put that on the account of his skin’s sensibility. Right. It didn’t affect his smirk, though, as he saw Anders biting his lips to restrain his overjoyed whines. This man of twenty cooing at a cat, trying to nuzzle his nose against the pet’s one. That was irrepressibly endearing.

Catsby must have been a bit taken aback by all this glee and attention because one second later he was fleeing in the bathroom. He snickered at the mage’s disappointed pout. 

“So I suppose I’m not too bad at gifts.” He shrugged nonchalantly, refusing to show how ridiculously satisfied he was by the effect of his present. 

Next thing he knew, a weight slammed against his chest, sending him toppling on his back. Fortunately he was on the couch and the wall had been far behind him. His neurons were safe. His eyes widened as he realized it was Anders over him, arms around him, sing-songing his gratitude over and over in his neck. Oh. Kaffas. 

“Hum…Mage…” He coughed, trying to ignore the nice scent and silky sensation of Anders’s hair against his jaw. As well as the curves of his body pressing against his, clothes not thick enough for comfort. And…And his lips just accidentally brushed his skin and…Ugh.

He was about to push Anders, too overwhelmed to be patient. Fortunately this one caught the message before he could and backed off, jumping at the other end of the couch. 

“Sorry !” He winced. “Sorry, sorry, sorry I didn’t think before acting ! I was so happy I am..”

“It’s okay.” Fenris raised a hand to impose silence. 

Sighing, calming down, he chased embarassing thoughts from mind. Cursing his treacherous body and its epidermal reaction to Anders’s assault. He…He had come to admit a certain…’attraction’ for the mage but it was purely physical and highly foolish. Like if they could be like that. No, he was just lonely and frustrated and he was reacting to affection in a disproportionate way. He had done the same with Hawke years ago, it had been nothing in the end. Would be nothing here too. How could it be when they were…when he was a…Venhendis.

“Thank you.” He was pulled from his stupid reflexions by Anders’s timid voice.

Looking up, he contemplated with a new fascination the excited blush spreading on his skin. Red looked good on his pale complexion..He wondered if he blushed the same if…Ugh..Not again. Anders gave him a weird look as he groaned. He tried to regain his composure. 

“You’re welcome mage.”

Yes. This word was good to put some distance, remind the limits, state the inevitable differences. But it didn’t affect Anders in the least. Kaffas. How could it when he hadn’t used it as an insult for…way too long for him. So instead of an offended gasp, he was still facing a bright blinding smile, full of gratefulness.

“My apple pie seem really lame now.” He chuckled weakly, passing a hand through his golden locks.

Despise his uneasiness, he adressed a small smile at Anders. It was actually a really good idea, he loved apple and…it touched him that he remembered it.

“I’m sure its delicious.” He assured.

Anders positively beamed at him, looking like a cat ready to pounce. For a second he tensed. The mage seemed to notice it and raised his hand innocently.

“Don’t worry ! No more cuddles ! I have Catsby for this !”

As if to prove his wors, the scarredy cat finally accepted to come back and sneaked on Anders’s lap. This one squealed in delight, cautiously took the pet in his arms and proceeded to pepper his head with kisses.

“Aren’t you happy to have a new home ?! You’re going to have the best food ! And the comfiest pillows ! And the most delicious catnip ! And even little knitted clothes if you’re cute ! And you can even sleep in my bed, aren’t you a lucky cat ?!”

Fenris almost hit himself when he realized he was feeling a hint of jealousy. Toward a fucking cat. Ugh. 


	24. Day 24

_Help your partner to brave one of their fears._

“It’s just a game, it’s just a game, it’s just a game, it’s just a…Kaffas !”

Anders tried to muffle a laugh but he didn’t spare him a glare. He was too busy escaping the umpteenth psychopath obsessed with him. Why did they do this, was his sane appearance this alluring ?!

“You don’t seem really convinced by your own words.” 

A breath brushed his ear and he jumped. He hadn’t noticed the mage was this close. Anders giggled again.

“So nervous !”

“Aren’t you supposed to help me, not mock me ?!” He snapped, mood soured by both annoyance and..Ander’s proximity. Not that it wasn’t unpleasant, all the contrary. In fact. Maker.

The mage gave him a repentant look before focusing back on the screen.

“He’s behind you.”

“What ?!” 

Fenris didn’t shriek. Absolutely not. He let out a really manly, viril, deep grunt.

“I was kidding !” Anders said between two laughs. “Sorry, wasn’t funny.”

His mischevious smile said otherwise and Fenris didn’t know if he wanted to smack his face or..

“Whatever, let’s finish this blighted game.” Fenris groaned, fists clenching around his controller, hard glare fixed on the shadows lurking in the background. 

After many scares and a lot of running away from murderous patients, he finally reached the final stages of the game. Stress coursing through his body, shoulders almost painfully stiff, he let out a sigh. He jumped anew but not because of the game. It was Anders’s fault again. Yet not because of his voice this time. Because of his hands on said stiff shoulders. 

“Calm down, you’re going to get stuck like this.” 

Fingers dipped in his flesh, soothing the knots, forcing him to relax.

“Is that okay ?” Anders sounded a bit worried, certainly aprehending his reaction to physical contact.

He forced himself to endure it, to enjoy it. Which wasn’t hard, it was highly pleasant and appeasing when he put aside his usual reluctance to be touched. Anders was good with his hands even though these were slighlty cold.

“Hmmm..” 

Apparently satisfied with that, the mage proceeded to finish his massage while he tried to focus back on the game. Which was extremely hard with the constant pleasant touch of the mage..

“Come on you can do it.” He whispered encouragingly, still applying soothing pressure on his muscles. 

Fear slowly vanishing, Fenris realized he found the contact appeasing and the words..galvanizing. Anders support revealed to be most helpful when he crossed the path of the last boss and nearly dropped the controller.

“Come on you can outrun this fucker !” He growled between his teeth.

And he did. With the Walrider help but he did. And the fact that Anders was still holding his shoulders, whispering praises in his ear helped a little too. A lot. Okay he wouldn’t have finished without him. Filled with a new confidence, he nailed the end of the game and soon he were crawling toward the exit.

“You’re almost finished !” Anders’s excitment was contagious, soon he was grinning too.

Until the end scene.

“Oh.” Anders gasped. “Well, at least you braved you fear.”

Fenris groaned. Anders hands rubbed his back gently and he tried to ignore the warm feeling replacing the cold spikes of disappointment and betrayal. 

“Time to go to bed, little pigey.”

A pillow thrown at Anders imediatly calmed his giggles.

oOo

Anders woke up brutally. He heard a scream. He did heard a scream right ? Or was it a dream ? Muffled groans reached his room through the walls. in a second he was on his feet, rushing to the origin of the sounds. Which was Fenris’s room. 

The elf was sitting on his bed, wide eyes staring at…Catsby. The terrified breath he had been holding was sighed out. Then an amused smirk creeped on his face as he understood the situation.

“Did our Great Gasby scared our broody manly elf ?”

“I…I…” For a second Fenris seemed ready to deny, frowning angrily in his direction. But he must have realized it was no use. “I forgot we had a cat.”

Sighing tiredly, he curled on himself, pressing his forehead against his knees. Anders abandoned his smile for a worried pout.

“Are you okay ?”

“Yes.”

It wasn’t really convincing. Taking place on the edge of the bed, Anders reached for his shoulder, slowly, cautiously. And instead of jumping, Fenris actually relaxed in his touch. Which was…pleasant. And a bit gratifying he had to admit. Did he finally tame the wild roommate ? It would be a first step toward…No. No the time.

“I’m just…thinking about the game.”

“Did it bother you this much ?”

Fenris shrugged but he could see through his silence. He bite his lips.

“I shouldn’t have forced you to play.”

“Please mage, you didn’t force me.” The other scoffed. “If I hadn’t wanted to play I wouldn’t have. I can only blame myself. I caused my demise.” 

Ever the dramatic one right ? Anders rolled his eyes, a hint of fondness in his attitude. Fenris looked almost vulnerable like this and the need to give him a good hug was an itch in his heart. 

“It’s okay now. You can leave.”

“Are you sure ?” A mischevious smile painted his face as an idea passed in his mind. “Or do you want me to stay here to protect you against the monsters under the bed ? Well Fenris ? You want to sleep with daddy for tonight ?”

Another pillow, that he dodged this time. He was getting used. But at least Fenris was fighting off a smirk. It was good, he felt less guilty, almost ready to leave him alone. He guessed he had to, Fenris must be already wounded in his pride. But he would stay attentive tonight though, he didn’t want him to stay awake all night just because of a stupid challenge. He would feel awful. 

The realization of what he said popped in his mind and the image of him cuddling with the elf, keeping nightmares away and passing soothing hands on his back was suddenly really intense and appealing. No. No he shouldn’t, he couldn’t, it was stupid.

“Well at least I’m going to keep this one in my room so he won’t kill you in your sleep.” He suggested, distracting himeslf from foolish dreams, reaching for Catsby.

Fenris snickered and he was relieved, his usual assurance seemed to come back. Which meant he would not be tired and in need of comfort enough to accept to be coddled a bit and…No. No. Bad Anders. He was a doctor, he shouldn’t wish peole to feel bad just so they would be in need of him and make him feel better and important.

“Be honnest, you just want an excuse to keep him in your room.”

“Absolutely ! I won’t even try to deny it !”

The elf shook his head with a more gentle smile. Then caught Anders’s hand, still firmly planted on his shoulder. The blonde man jumped a little. He wasn’ expecting this. Oh Maker. Bad timing. Just when he barely chased the vision of them both curled under the sheets. 

“Thank you.” 

“Oh, hum well you’re welcome. You know it’s not a great sacrifice, I love sleeping with a fluffy pillow and…” His embarassment confused his mind and speech. He had to regain his composure. 

“Not only this. For supporting me through the game too.”

“Oh it wasn’t a great sacrifice either. I admit I enjoyed your little squeals a lot.”

Fenris scowled and let go of his hand. Anders retracted his own…with some regret. This willing contact had been nice. But it also reminded him of something he would not have and it was…A little painful. But he was good at hiding disappointement and need. He did it with a mocking grin. 

“I don’t squeal.”

“Of course.” 

With a last blasé glance at the ceiling, he got up, gathered Catsby in his arms and walked to the door. At least his cat was here to console him from loneliness.

“Of course, little pigey.”

He didn’t dodge this pillow. He cursed at Catsby fled his arms. Looked like he would really sleep alone tonight. 


	25. Day 25

Cook for them and make them taste something new.

“I feel a bit bad doing nothing.” 

Anders pouted, dressing the table while Fenris finished to cook. 

“Don’t. You’re doing me a favor, this way the kitchen’s safe.”

He heard an outraged gasp and smirked. It was true though, the only thing Anders could cook safely was his herbs decoction and potions. The rest ? It would end in fire and ashes. Stirring the sauce, he added some spices and licked the tip of his spatula. Almost perfect.

Someone might wonder why he accepted to prepare something and serve it, given his past. Most assumed he hated house duties, even more if it was to please a mage. But cooking was something he appreciated, he was good at it even if he rarely took the time to do it properly. When he lived with Danarius it was one of his rare pleasure. Always eating the same unsavory food, he relished the moment he had to prepare and taste a meal to make sure it was delicious enough for the magister. Of course most of the time it was a maid who took care of this duty. But sometimes he managed to find an excuse like checking for poison, yes Danarius was paranoid, or making sure the food was perfect enough to impress the guests. 

“It smells good !” 

Anders tried to taste it too but he kept the spatula out of his reach with a scold.

“No.”

A whine actually escaped the mage’s mouth and he gave him his unfamous Puss in Boots eyes. He held the scold. Even if internally he was nearly melting.

“But whyyyyy ?”

“It’s not finished yet.”

“It already seem pretty good..Please ?”

This pout would be the end of him. He restrained a small smile.

“Go back on the couch and wait.”

They stared at each other for one more minute, Anders determined to make him yield. He failed and obeyed with a half-hearted glare. Huffing with amusment, Fenris focused back on his dishes. The chicken stewing in the sauce was almost good, the rice ready. Soon he was pouring the food in two plates and brought them to the table. Anders perked up like a starved cat the moment he saw him. 

“Wait a little longer.” He chuckled deeply before going back in the kitchen to grab a bottle.

Back in the living-room he caught Anders dipping a finger in his sauce. Quirking an eyebrow, he didn’t even need to make a comment for the mage to give him a sheepish look. He shook his head, whatever, at least he seemed impatient to try his cooking. The frown that appeared on his face as Fenris put the wine on the table was expected and this one smirked a little, already ready to serve Anders.

“You know I’m not a fan.” He protested, glancing suspiciously at the dark liquid. 

“The shit Hawke might have given you is nothing compared to this. Come on just one glass.”

Licking his fingers, his pensive look suddenly morphed into an amazed expression. In a flash he grabbed his fork and devored another moutful of his dish. 

“Maker’s prostate ! This is fucking delicious ! What is it ?!”

At first taken aback by Anders’s outburst, Fenris was now smiling bashfully at the compliment. He knew his cooking was good but hearing someone confirm it was always a pleasure. Especially when it was said with so much sincerity and glee.

“Tikka Massala chicken.” He answered, sipping his own glass of wine to hide his slight blush. 

“Oh Maker…Oh Maker ! That’s it ! You’re cooking for me from now on ! I’m ready to pay you ! In money, in nature, I don’t care as long I can eat more of this !”

“Idiot.” Fenris rolled his eyes, feeling his cheeks flushing harder as Anders proposed to pay ‘in nature’. If only. Kaffas. 

“Oh…wow…”

“You okay ?” He frowned as Anders turned a bit too red for it to be only due to excitment. Maybe he used a little too much spices. After all Tevene’s food wasn’t as bland as the one you could find in the south. 

“Yes, just spicier than what I thought. I think I might want some wine actually.” He smiled and carefully brought his glass to his lips. Once again his eyes widened. “Oh maker…you’re as good to chose alcohol as you are at cooking !“

This one shrugged, not knowing what to do with this avalanche of praises.

“No one can go wrong with a Chateau Montsimmard.”

Anders scoffed at that.

“Excusez-moi je ne savais pas que j’avais affaire a un véritable sommelier !”

His eyebrows raised in surprise. And the accent made another part of him react. No, not this. Seriously, even Anders wasn’t charming enough to produce this with only an accent…And he had more self-control than that !

“You..You speak orlesian ?” He stuttered, definitely not blushing, absolutely not. It was the spices and the wine heating his skin.

“My Circle was located there.”

“I thought you were from the Anderfells.” He pointed.

“Well it’s not like they let us see our families so they don’t care about placing us in far away countries.” Anders explained.

Fenris had no idea what to say but fortunately Anders didn’t look too bothered by the subject, too busy savoring his meal.

“Anyway your cooking is truly delicious, were did you learn this ?”

“When I was in Tevinter. I had to cook sometimes for my tutor.” He admitted but stopped at that.

Anders looked up, eyes narrowing, a hint of empathy in his eyes. Yet he didn’t push him further more. Instead he emptied what little wine remained in his glass and presented this one.

“Another one ?” 

oOo

He was drunk and he knew it. He had no many control left on his words and giggles but he was conscious he might have abused of the wine. Fenris was looking at him with a quiet, calm smile as he ranted about something which was weird. Usually he was exasperated when he started to run his mouth. But not tonight. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the relaxed mood, maybe the subject Anders approached was something he agreed on. He had no idea, he barely realized what he was saying. The only thing he knew was that Fenris smiled at him and if it was because of what he was babbling then he shouldn’t stop. 

“Maybe it’s time to go to bed.”

This voice. This voice, deep, suave, husky, like warm wax dripping on skin, oddly ardent and comforting at the same time. He giggled again, drunk on wine and on this voice filling his ears and brain with ideas…

“Only if you come with me.” He joked. 

Maker he was truly drunk wasn’t he ? 

But he wanted to see him blush, he was so endearing when he blushed and he wondered if it only stopped at his neck or if it spreaded on his whole body like his beautiful tattoos. 

“Do you mean it ?”

He suddenly noticed Fenris had lost his smile for a perplexed frown. Oh no, where was this smile, he needed it to fill his chest with warmth and shivers. He should…He should find a way to put it back on his face.

Before he could reason his stupid mind, he was crawling toward Fenris, getting around the coffee table they had dined on. A delightful dinner of rich food and marvelous wine. And there was no wine left. Not in his glass, not in his mouth. He was in front of Fenris now. This one gulped and his lips tightened in a thin line. 

“Anders maybe you had too much wine.” 

His hand caught his wrist. His skin was as smooth and heated as his voice. And his grip so firm. His eyes fell on his lips. Maybe…Maybe there was some wine left to taste on these. Fenris stiffened as he pressed his mouth against his, licking the plump flesh of his lips. Aaaaah. Wine. 

The hand holding his wrist clenched almost painfully yet he didn’t mind. A little whine escaped his mouth. But this one was soon busy again licking the last drop of alcohol on Fenris’s lips. And suddenly a second hand cupped the back of his head, bringing him closer, encouraging his gustative exploration. 

“Anders you’re too drunk. We…We should stop.”

He opened his mouth ready to protest, he wanted more of this taste, and he wasn’t only talking about wine now. But a gesture was worth thousands of words right ? So he crawled closer until he could feel another frame against his, panting, hot, needy. Just like him. His tongue lapped the invinting lips who opened without hesitation. Not eager to stop now, was he ? He chuckled in the kiss, letting himself drown in the sensation, the pleasure, the comfort, the feeling of desire that reassured him…

He closed his eyes and felt himself fell in a warm embrace and a heavy torpor The sensation of greedy lips tainted with wine remained even as he slept away from consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your suffering is over my poor lambs


	26. Day 26

_Give them a “message in a bottle”._

He was cold and sore when he woke up. Slowly blinking, he laboriously rolled on his side before pushing himself on his elbows. Taking in his surrounding he realized he was on the living-room carpeted floor, which explained the lack of warmth and comfort. A blanket was on him though even if he had no idea how it ended up there.

He noticed the bottle of wine still perched on the coffee table. And everything went back to him. With a groan, he massaged his skull. No hangover this morning yet his head ached with the memories of last night’s events. Anders had…No they had…Kaffas. He remembered the kiss, the embrace. Then Anders falling asleep on top of him. And him, too astonished to react, lying on the floor with the mage on top of him, eventually drifting into slumber too. 

Why did Anders…Was it only due to the alcohol or…And where was he ? Kaffas. He needed to drink some water. His mouth was pasty and his mind hazy. 

With some difficulties he managed to get up on his feet and dragged them to the kitchen. There was his decoction for hangover on the table. Even though he had no need for it, Anders had drunk most of the wine, he smiled. Despise what happened he didn’t seem angry or upset enough to neglect his ‘duties’. Something told him the blanket was an attention from the mage too. This idea relaxed him and, for the first time, he dared to think that this kiss was wanted. And that maybe there would be more. He knew he said he wouldn’t indulge in his foolish weakness for Anders but….It had been extremely good. Too good. So good it had made him lose all self-control and he had grabbed Anders, had invited him for more. And he wasn’t sure he regretted it. 

With a quiet kind of satisfaction, he grabbed for the water bottle on the counter and, all blinded by memories and hopes, opened and brought it to his mouth without looking. One second later he was spluttering.

“What the…Sand ?!” 

He coughed some more and brutally put the bottle back before bending above the sink to rinse his mouth. He spit once more to make sure all was gone and shuddered, a angry frown deforming his face. Focusing back on the the bottle his eyes widened impossibly.

The bottle was filled with some sand. And a roll of white paper. What the hell was that…

 

oOo

 

Anders only froze for a second when he saw Fenris waiting on the couch. Enough to give away his fear despise the big smile he was arboring. His hands started to fiddle with the hem of his shirt, his typical sign of anxiety. Fenris crossed his arms, looking expectantly at him. His main defense mechanism, incessant babbling, was imediatly turned on.

“Oh hey, how are you ? I had such a hangover this morning, I can barely recall what happened last night, like nothing after my third glass !” 

His giggles sounded fake to his own ears…Maker what if Fenris noticed.

“So…hum…you got my message in a bottle ?” He smiled sheepishly, a poor cover for his blatant stress. “About your cooking and everything ? Again it was really delicious and…”

He surely didn’t remember it. He had been as drunk as him right ? Oh dear he had no idea, he had only hazy memories of conversations, laughter, drinking. And one more clear than the other even if it was the one he wanted to bury in the depth of his mind. But maybe if he continued to ignore it, if he didn’t mention it, then Fenris would leave him alone, maybe he wouldn’t notice anything. Maybe he was just frowning because he was in his usual broody state, not because he wanted to murder him for what he did. 

“So are we going to ignore the kiss from last night ?” 

The sentence cut short Anders’s babbling. He stilled, feeling his face petrify in a forced smile. Slowly this one fell, replaced by a mortified expression….

“You remember then ?”

Fenris rolled his eyes.

“I wasn’t the drunk one Anders. I perfectly remember you crawling on my lap and sucking my face.”

…It didn’t sound really sexy. He grimaced, at least he wished he would have left a pleasant memory to Fenris, it wasn’t really good for his ego. Sighing, he gave Fenris a resigned look. Given his frown and the way he talked about last night it seemed there was only one ending possible. Or two.

“So what are you waiting to punch me or kick me out ?”

Fenris quirked an eyebrow.

“I’m not going to do this. I just wanted to talk about last night.”

Perplexity replaced his fatalist mood. Fenris was acting weirdly collected and mature for someone who had been kissed without permission and by a mage on top of that. Because yes, let’s not forget he was a mage and despise the elf’s latest progress he couldn’t wipe off the bad blood between him and his kind. He highly doubted Fenris would let him go without a 'you’re all the same, trying to take advantage’. Or something as stupid. 

“Do you ?” 

“You don’t ?” Fenris frowned, suddenly looking less sure of himself.

“Oh I don’t know, I was hoping you would have forgotten and I could keep it a secret or that we would both blissfully ignore it until the end of time.” He admitted, passing a hand through his hair and scratching his nape. “I didn’t think you would want to talk about the way the filthy mage jumped you and took advantage of your drunken state to sate his secret fantaisies and oh maker forget this last one…”

“Secret fantaisies ? You mean you wanted to kiss me ?”

Something else was painting Fenris’s face, replacing his scold, yet Anders couldn’t put a finger on it yet. Anyway he was too busy using sarcasm to defend himself to take time deciphering the wide range of Fenris’s emotionally constipated expressions. 

“No, no, I just like to randomly throw myself at people when drunk…” He groaned, ironic.

He cringed in front of Fenris’s glare, he didn’t seem to appreciate his humor in the current situation…Well it was the truth he wanted ? He guessed he would give it to him, as brutal and embarassing as it was. He had nothing to lose now anyway, he didn’t seem ready to let it go and forget.

“…Yes I wanted to kiss you. And yes I am attracted to you. Not in a grand, romantic, passionate way but…like a crush…enough to kiss you and…think about more.”

The glare softened and Fenris approached. Anders brassed himself. He didn’t seem about to push him so what ? Was he going to give him his pity ? Maker he didn’t know which one would be worse. 

“Happy now ? Come on, go ahead, mock me or remind me about how foolish it is because I’m a nasty mage and you are…you.” He lamely finished. 

But Fenris was quiet. Terribly quiet as his eyes narrowed and scanned his face for…for what ? A hint of a joke ? A sign he was still drunk ? Maker was it this hard to believe he had fallen for Fenris’s good looks and sexy voice ? 

“What nothing to say ?”

“…So it wasn’t entirely the alcohol fault ?”

Oh Maker…He let out a frustrated whine, hiding his face behind his hands.

“In which language do I have to say it ? I wanted to kiss you, I am attracted to you ! Even before this time you pushed me on the ground when we played paint war I have wanted to…”

And his incessant, stressed rambling was cut short as Fenris grabbed his neck and brought him down. Pressing their lips together. He froze, too shocked to react. Or even enjoy it for that matter. It was short, soft, but enough to make him speechless. It passed in a flash and a second later Fenris was backing off, a blush on his face as he averted his eyes.

A heavy silence fell on them. Fenris keeping an embarassed silence, Anders too astonished to react. When he finally recovered the use of his tongue, it wasn’t quite glorious.

“…You…You…Hum…I mean…Was it…”

Fenris scoffed, still stubbornly looking at the floor, his flush not diminishing.

“Did I broke you mage ? Was it this bad ?”

“N…No…I just thought…I thought you didn’t feel the same…You don’t right ? It was a test or…something like this ? 

Finally, Fenris gathered the courage to meet his eyes again, only to give him a furious glare. 

“What ? Is that this hard to believe I want this too ? I kissed you back last night you know.”

This…This he didn’t remember. Or at least he had believed it was a produce of his creative and wishful imagination. He recalled Fenris’s hands on him but he thought it had been to push him away not to…Not to encourage him. 

“Oh…I wasn’t sure…I thought…” He shut up, not knowing what to add to this.

Then the realization hit him. Fenris kissed him back last night. And he initiated it just now. And…did he just admit he was attracted too ? Oh Maker…Against his will a wavering smile painted his lips and a nervous giggle escaped him.

“Something funny ?” Fenris growled, not quite as amused.

“No…I mean yes…I just…I was so nervous about this, I was convinced you would hate me when in fact…Oh maker this is such a mess…What…What do we do now, then ? I mean I’m attracted, you’re attracted but do you really want to…Hmmpf !”

Once again he was hushed by warm, full lips. And this time he was relieved enough to enjoy it. Enough to open his mouth in a silent invitation that Fenris eagerly accepted. And as he captured his mouth, his hands did the same to his hips, slowly pushing him back until he was pressed against the wall. He passed his own arms around the elf’s shoulders and let himself sink into the heated embrace. Was it going too fast ? Oooooh Fenris was biting his lips, why did he care ? It was too good to ruin it with too much questions and hesitations. So instead of wonderin where all of this would lead them he happily responded to the touches and pressed their bodies closer, the friction too delightful to deprive himself.

“How far…How far do you want to go ?” Fenris groaned against his lips, taking a breath, pushing him slightly away, enough to meet his eyes.

“Hummm…As far as you want to I guess.” He panted, not sure his head was clear enough to have a conversation right now.

“And what is this ? You said you’re not in love and neither am I so…” 

“I don’t know…” 

Oh he really didn’t want to waste time with this. They both wanted it, they could think about it later, after a long and sating making-out session. But Fenris’s frown obliged him to make an effort. He didn’t want to start something like this if his partner wasn’t a hundred purcent in it too. Especially someone like Fenris. 

“We can…We can just make-out and see what happens ? We don’t have to give it a name, it’s just…it can just be sex for now and nothing more. If you’re okay with this.”

Fenris nodded, still too pensive and thoughtful for someone who had just ravished him to the point of making his jeans really too tight. 

“Okay…” He finally said and soon he was back against him. Thanks the Maker for small mercies.

These lips were sinful and doing terrible things to him. Darting his tongue, he started to explore his mouth too and discovered that the taste and sensation was a enjoyable. But something made him freeze brutally and he frowned in the kiss. Fenris backed off, eyebrows furrowing as he stared at Anders, expectantly waiting for the reason of his shock. 

This one brandished one finger, making him sign to wait. Another one scratched the tip of his tongue and his eyes widened as he contemplated the little grains on his fingertips.

“Sand…?” He frowned. “What the…”

Fenris suddenly looked really mortified and ready to flee. Anders frowned a little longer. And suddenly an idea popped in his mind.

“Oh…Don’t tell me…

Fenris groaned, facepalming.

“It’s your fault idiot.”

A wide smile spreaded on his lips as he mentally imagined the scene. A nervous giggle escaped his mouth before he could smash his hand against it. Of course it earned him a glare but he couldn’t help it.

“You…You tried to drink the sand ?” 

“Shut up.” 

“You drank the sand ? Oh maker…I’m so sorry…” 

“You aren’t convincing at all.”

He knew that. But he couldn’t help it, really. After all this tension..The hilarity was too strong and sudden to resist. Some seconds later he was laughing almost histerically, trying to formulate some apologies, in vain. And if at first Fenris had looked extremely vexed, well, apparently his laughter was contagious because a hint of a smirk twisted his lips.

“Laugh while you can. Your message about my cooking wasn’t nice enough to forgive this stupid joke.”

“…I’m sorry…” He finally manage to gasp, wiping the corner of his eyes where tears of relief had pooled.

Fenris wasn’t mad. Fenris kissed him again. Fenris was also attracted and Fenris…Oh well Fenris had decided to shut him up by kissing him one more time. This time more offensive, his annoyement passing through the way he imperiously claimed his mouth, obviously expecting way more than mere kissing. Oh Maker it was good…really good. Now that everything was clear he could fully enjoy it, without fear, without shock. And soon all trace of hilarity had disappeared, replaced by a strong urge to jump on Fenris. Now that they agreed on making-out and mutual attraction, what was holding him back really ? Who cared about about what would happen next, they were both sober, they wouldn’t regret it right ? So no need to worry, all he had to do was grind his hipes against Fenris’s in a silent plead. More, more, more. More blighted elf, no need to take it slow and gentle, he wanted this so bad it was almost painful.

“You still want this right ?” Fenris groaned against his lips, the sound making Anders curl his toes. It should be illegal to sound this erotic.

“No I’m kissing you back because I want to check if there’s any sand left.” He retorted sarcastically. 

Fenris took a step back to glare at him for the umpteenph time. Anders chuckled, not impressed anymore. Not when desire was mixing with exasperation in these dilated pupils and when something hard was pressed against his leg. 

“I’m going to shut this smart mouth of yours mage.” 

“Good luck.” He smirked.

And if he yelped when Fenris easily hoisted him in his arms, incredibly aroused by his unexpected strenght, he didn’t complain at all. Who cared about tomorrow and consequences when they both eagerly tumbled into bed ? 


	27. Day 27

_Make a list of 5 qualities you like about them._

The sensation of Anders panting under him was utterly satisfying. And the one of his hand caressing  his nape strangely comforting. A chuckle shook his chest and Fenris’s head therefore. He had no idea what made the mage laugh but his own mouth twitched in a smirk instinctively. 

“Something funny ?” He asked before turning his head slightly in order to kiss his partner’s pale skin. He licked a drop of sweat.

“Just thinking that Hawke would be completely astounded if he knew where his blighted challenge brought us.”

Fenris groaned, giving the skin a small nip. Anders squealed, clenching around Fenris who was still buried inside of him. He grunted, bad move. He was aroused and at the same time too tired to go at it again.

“Don’t talk about him when my cock is still up your ass.” He protested. Hawke broad grin and fuzzy beard wasn’t a vision he needed in bed, between someone’s legs. 

“There’s a risk we’ll never talk about him again then. I’m not ready to let you and your wonderful cock go.” 

He could hear the smile in Anders’s voice and was pleased by his words. If it was up to him he would stay there some more hours too. But his stomach reminded him that you couldn’t only survive on sex and praises. With a sigh he pushed himself on his arms and slowly pulled out. Anders whined and tried to drag him back. 

“Nooooo…”

His smirk widened as the mage pouted at him, disheveled, glistening with sweat but apparently not sated yet. Fenris had discovered last night that his stamina had almost no limits. They had fallen asleep after three hours of intense pure lust. And then Anders had woken him up with the most mind-blowing blowjob he ever experienced. Okay he didn’t experience a lot but it still left him hazy and breathless for five good minutes. Once the shock passed he had rolled the mage on his back and wiped off his smug little smirk with a ravishing kiss. Then they had proceeded to fuck for the next hour. Fortunately Fenris was fit and strong enough to keep up the pace, who would have thought that someone as sleep and food deprived like Anders would be this energetic ?

But now he had reached a limit and he needed fuel if he wanted to go back at it. And he did. He didn’t know if it was Anders’s fantastic skills or the fact that it had been so long since the last time he had a lover but he couldn’t get enough. And seeing Anders coming undone under him was a really nice view too. He shook his head. He would think about it once he’ll have eaten.

“Unlike you I don’t have endless stamina and I need food.”

“Oh right…And after you’ll come back to take care of me ?” 

Fenris snorted at Anders’s seductive pose, this one tangling the sheet around his naked body, exposing his hip nonchalantly.

“If you behave.”

“Well if I don’t you can ‘punish’ me.” He waggled his eyebrows and laughed in front of Fenris’s blush.

“Idiot.” He rolled his eyes before leaving the room.

In the kitchen he grabbed some toast, covered them with butter and jam, then completed his meal with a big glass of milk. Eating quickly, he finished soon and decided to add an apple to his breakfast. He stared at the fruit basket and eventually took a second one and a banana. Back in the bedroom, Anders was checking his phone, sprawled on the bed lazily. The sun caught in his golden locks and amber eyes, his pale and freckled body displayed lasciviously, he was gorgeous. With a small smile he crawled on the bed and dropped the banana and second apple near him. 

“Eat or you’re going to pass out under me.”

“Hmmm, not a bad way to go.” Anders hummed happily, biting in the apple, juice dripping down his chin. “Thank you. I like how you always care even if you’re too broody to admit it.”

Fenris quirked an eyebrow. Anders was usually honnest but this was…an unusual kind of compliment between them.

“Are you going soft on me ? Did I fuck you this hard ?” 

Anders’s grin was so wide it was almost painful to watch.

“Hmmm you did too. But I’m just obeying today’s challenge.”

He showed him the message. Fenris raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Should he play along ? He didn’t trust his words to be as pleasing as he wanted them to. He wasn’t really good with expressing his raw emotions when it came to affection. He prefered to hide them under snarky comments. So when Anders peeled his banana and brought it to his mouth, a little smirk appeared on his lips.

“I like the skillfull way you suck.”

Anders choked on his banana, laughter faltered by cough. When the fruit was finally chewed and swallowed, he took a deep breath.

“Asshole.” He hit his arm with a grin. “My turn I guess ? Well…I like your humor. It can be infuriating when it’s aimed at me but you’re still funny under all this scolding.” 

He poked Fenris cheek and this one realized how cold his finger was. Or either how warm his own skin was. He was blushing a little, surely due to the praise. It wasn’t much, he knew that but it was enough to make him melt. That and Anders’s finger teasing his ear. It tickled and he shook his head instinctively.

“I also like this, you look like a big cat when you do this. Do you purr too ?”

“Don’t push it mage.” He pushed his hand away when he tried to scratch his hair. “I bite too.”

“Kinky…” Anders smirked. “…I like how you butt head with me too from time to time, I need someone to confront. And I like how you’re able to take some distance and stay pragmatic when I’m sometimes too hot-headed and utopian.” 

Rolling his eyes at the understatement, Fenris finished to eat his apple, fighting off the red spreading on his skin. As for Anders he was staring at him with a less amused look, more pensive, more distant.

“I like the way you held me. It was…more gentle that I expected.”

Fenris stared. It was…oddly intimate. The way Anders said it, almost whispered it, with a hint of vulnerability in his voice. Suddenly the mage frowned, biting his lips like he regretted ever opening them. Then he rolled on his side, back turned toward Fenris. Lying down, quiet. It was starting to worry him.

“Anders ?”

No response. His eyebrows knitted together and he put core of his apple on the nightstand. Carefully he crawled on the bed and touched his shoulder. From there he could perfectly see every scar on Anders’s back, every cut, every marks left by a difficult past. He had tried to hide it last night but Fenris could feel it under his hands, every caress discovering a new streak of damaged flesh. His heart clenched and he lied down too, pressing himself against Anders’s back.

Was the mage annoyed by the vulnerability his words might have betrayed ? Or because Fenris wasn’t returning the same honor ? Maybe…He should try ?

“I…like your skin.”

Anders scoffed.

“Sure.”

Fenris shushed him with a faint kiss on his nape.

“Hush. I like your freckles and the way they contrast with your pale skintone, like grains of sands.”

Anders relaxed against him, even allowing a little chuckle to pass his lips.

“Ah…And you love sand don’t you ?”

He lightly pinched his hip, enough to make him squirm. 

“And I like how my marks stand out among them.”

His mouth brushed a hickey on the side of the mage’s neck.

“…I like your hair, I like how long they are, perfect to grab. And how soft there touch is…I…like your smile, it is bright and warm like…”

“All this poetry to hide that you only like me for my body.”

He rolled his eyes. If the mage didn’t let him talk then how was he supposed to complete this challenge and return the compliments. Frustration pooled in his head. He was struggling to find his words and the way to utter them, gently, cautiously. Anders wasn’t helping. 

“Well is there anything else to like ?” He replied, tone a little dry but not serious. 

He understood his mistake when he felt Anders tense against him. Kaffas. He bit his blighted tongue and didn’t even try to restrain the mage when this one sat up on the edge of the bed.

“Anders I’m..”

“I need to take a shower.”

As he left the bedroom Fenris passed a hand on his face, groaning at his unfortunate choice of words. After a while fixing the ceiling, he got up too. It was out of question he let this day turn sour just because he had made a poor joke and Anders didn’t know how to take one. 

He found this one already under the spray, water running down his scarred back as his forehead rested against the wall. Fenris felt weird, staying outside, contemplating his naked frame as he weakly brushed some soap against his skin. Well, he was already naked and sweaty too. Might as well join him. Anders jumped a little as he opened the shower’s stall. 

“Do you mind ?” He prefered to ask, he didn’t want Anders to kick him out. 

This one shrugged and reluctantly made some place. Fenris slipped behind him, much like he did in bed earlier. Only this time he would be more open and gentle, even if it cost him and his pride tried to protest. 

“You know…I didn’t mean it.”

Anders sighed, shoulders stiff and head low.

“…I know. I’m sorry I overreacted. I’m just a bit sensitive lately.”

Fenris didn’t know what to do, he didn’t trust himself to say the right thing really. So he gently kissed his back. Slowly, tenderly, lower. He brushed a scar. He thought about this man who offered himself to him, to his touch, to his affection. Even when they both had no idea how this would end, if it would even become something, and despise everything that happened between them. He realized he wasn’t the only one risking something in this relationship. He wasn’t the only one who could get hurt and scarred of intimacy, of opening to someone who might hurt them even unwillingly. And suddenly the words poured out of his mouth.

“I like your skin for these marks too.”

Anders chuckled without humor.

“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s ugly.”

“I like them because it prove how brave and strong you are. I want to kiss every one of them and learn their curve and the way too soothe their memories. As cheesy as it might sound. You have to be brave to keep going when no one is on your side. And really strong to endure this and still have the will to fight. I like this about you even if your blighted stubborness piss me off sometimes, it’s something I admire….There’s..There’s a lot of other things I like about you but I don’t know if I can say them. I’m…not as brave as you when it come to my feelings.”

His words died on his lips. That’s it. He said it. One step ahead from his ‘emotional constipation’ like Anders liked to say. This one was awfully silent and still. And himself didn’t dare to move, pressed against his back, enjoying the comforting warmth while he could. Maybe this wouldn’t last. He had no idea how it would evolve. So he took opportunity of the moment and of the comfort of another human being against him. 

“It’s awfully deep for someone who would only like my body.” 

Anders turned around, forcing Fenris to take a step back until he was facing him. Then slowly, carefully, he put back his hands on his skin. Anders smiled timidly, guiding them to his hips.

“And awfully deep for a mere attraction.”

There was a question in these amber eyes. One he had no answer for yet. But one that truly bothered him. Was it only physical attraction. Or did his occasional fond smiles and protective urges hid something else ? He wanted to touch Anders, to caress him, to taste him, to hold him. But did he want to limit himself at that ? Was it just meant to be something carnal was there another possibility ?

“We don’t have to think about it you know.” Anders murmured, his fingers brushing his chest, gentle, reassuring. “Let’s just…Go with the flow. And see if it turn out to be something more ? ”

Fenris nodded. 

“In the meantime we can just continue to fuck like there’s no tomorrow…”

An attempt of a smirk appeared on Anders lips. And despise his agitated state Fenris returned it. Before capturing his lips and dragging him closer. The taste of this mouth chased his confused thoughts for a moment. 


	28. Day 28

_Send your partner a nice message during the day, just to tell them about something that reminded you of them or…Something nice, okay ?_

“Where you going ?”

Glancing above his shoulder, he took a brief look at the sleepy pout Anders arbored. Smiling he finished to button his jeans.

“To the gym. It’s my weekly session with Hawke.”

He heard the rustle of the sheets and the mage’s humming. Then he felt something pull on his pants and he was obliged to turn back and give him some attention. Eyes barely open, his hair comparable to a bird nest, he was oddly endearing. Fenris sent him a wondering gaze.

“Do you have to ?”

“If I don’t he’s going to whine like a baby.” He rolled his eyes, already exasperated at the prospect.

Anders whined like a petulant child. Great. Two babies to handle then ? 

“But it’s sunday…you don’t work on sunday…and you already did enough sport…” Frown replaced by a smug smile, he waggled his eyebrows.

A blush reddened his cheeks as he took in the view of the mage naked and covered in hickeys. Admiring his work, he had to admit that, yes, they must have burnt enough calories to lose several kilos in only one weekend.

“Well I don’t want him to know that.” He pointed, grabbing the shirt he had thrown on the floor one day ago. It would do, he would get sweaty anyway, no need to put on clean clothes.

Noticing Anders was awfully silent all of sudden, he glanced at him. Uh, the frown was back into place. What did he do wrong this time ? Because obviously he did. Anders only showed this upset rictus when Fenris said something hurtful or that made him doubt of himself. Yes he wasn’t good with expressing emotions but he was perfect at reading them on others. And he had spend a good amount of time deciphering Anders’s this last month. 

“What did I say this time ?” He sighed, sitting back on the bed, gently pushing the mage to make some space. 

This one complied, distress still painting his features. 

“Do you want to keep this a secret ?” 

His eyebrows raised. Actually…he naturally thought they would keep this to themselves. He didn’t even consider telling or hinting anything to anyone. He was an private person and this was extremely intimate, why would he share it with Hawke, especially since they weren’t fixed on the nature on this relation yet ? 

“Is that a problem ?”

“…No…No.”

Anders’s smile was forced, Fenris saw through the lie without effort. Yet he didn’t know what to do. Force himself to talk about this to their friends ? Hold Anders’s hand in public, kiss him in front of everyone ? He didn’t even imaginated it and now that he did…No he wasn’t ready. Too soon, too quick, too brutal. He needed to think about it more, to get used to the mere possibility. 

So he just nodded at Anders, accepted the lie and ignored his distress for the time being. He knew it was a bit cowardly and he didn’t like the doubt he saw in the mage’s eyes. But he needed to get away from this sudden pressure. Getting up, he took some steps toward the door before stopping. It wasn’t because he was confronted to something stressful that he should flee like a criminal. And leave Anders without reassuring him first. No need to confirm his reputation of insensitive jerk, especially not now.

So he spun on his heels and crouched down to Anders level before planting a quick kiss on his mouth. 

“Go back to sleep. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

Surprised, dazed, the mage took a moment to process what happened. And when he did a wide smile illuminated his face, making Fenris blush despise himself. It was awful how easy it was for the mage to fluster him with only a blinding grin or a mischevious wink. If he didn’t know better he would have thought himself bewitched sometimes. 

“I’ll be waiting for you. All naked and readyyyy…” Anders sing-songed as fenris left the room, groaning about stupid and shameless mages.

 

oOo

 

Of course Anders didn’t go back to sleep. Once he was up, his brain fully awake, he needed an exhausting day or activity to put him back to bed. And without Fenris, all alone in the house except for Catsby, he lacked strainous activities. He smirked at the thought. The elf proved to be an energetic lover despise his surprising carefulness. And he could got at it for hours. Hours and hours and hours of delicious lust…And even if he realized he might want more than this, well it didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy it in the meantime. 

Writing another article without much conviction, too busy to think about the events of these last days, their implications and possible consequences, he barely noticed he received a new message on his phone. He only did when, bored by his lack of ideas to put on his daily post, he started to look around for a distraction. How long was the time when your new sex partner wasn’t around and you finished orange is the new black. Fortunately Hawke and his stupid challenges were here to keep him busy. Oooooor not…

It wasn’t that he had nothing nice to say to Fenris but after what happened this morning…He was scared to look too pushy or needy. He had thought Fenris wasn’t opposed to something more than sex, that under all this broodiness there was a kind of tenderness that went further than simple friendship. And maybe there was but there was also a strong refusal of assuming their…evolving relation. Maybe it was fear, maybe it was shame, he wasn’t sure yet. But it had sufficed to worry him. And make him doubt himself. A little. Too much. So he didn’t want to impose himself and pressure Fenris even more. Their current situation was already delicate enough.

So he decided to send a playful text instead of an a too affective and pressuring one. Plus if Hawke stole Fenris’s phone, he loved to do this to his friends the noisy oaf, he would be perplexed. And suspicious.

_‘I thought about you as I saw the state of our fridge. It reminded me that you didn’t make the groceries yesterday.’_

Okay. Maybe it was a bit cold. There was a right middle between too gentle and too harsh. Fenris wasn’t answering. He knew there was high chances it was because Fenris was busy working on his perfect muscles…Hum. But it still worried him a little. So against his better judgment he send another text to counterbalance the first. Taking the risk to hint at their ‘secret relation’.

_‘I was kidding you know. We didn’t really have the time for groceries yesterday, it’s not like I would have let you leave anyway. And if it was only for me you would have spend sunday here too. Come back quick. I’m bored without you. I hope I didn’t sound too demanding. I think I did. Sorry. I’m going to send this before I erase it even if I’ll surely regret it.’_

He did. For a long terrible hour where he wondered if Fenris was going to ignore him or growl at him when he’ll come back. No, he wasn’t answering because he was working out. It was aperfectly logical reason. It wasn’t because he realized Anders was annoying and wouldn’t let him keep him as a dirty secret or something like this. Not at all. He was…Oh. A message.

_‘I thought about you for the last hours and I decided to put it into words. Since it’s easier for me to text you than to talk face to face. I’m sorry I’m not as confident as you when it comes to discussing feelings.’_

_‘I know you’re not okay with keeping this secret. I felt it. I’m maybe ‘emotionally constipated’ (maker I hate the fact that I adopted your expression) but not an idiot. And I wanted to reassure you as best as I could. I don’t want secrecy because I’m ashamed. But I know myself. If people know we are together somehow there will be questions and expectations and pressure. And since I’m still confused about all of this there’s high chances it will make me panick. And then I’ll do something reckless that will hurt you or ruin this thing between us. And I don’t want this. I don’t want to expose this part of my life yet because I think it’s too important to risk it. Because even if I’m not sure about the nature of this, I know it’s something more than sex. It has to be. Every, no, the few relationships or crush I had, they were never just about sex. I can’t desire people when I don’t know them, when I’m not attached to them. I can recognize beauty but having sex with someone I’m not fond of and I don’t trust to some extense is impossible. Isabela told me I was maybe demisexual, whatever the hell this is but I’m sure it will speak to you, you’re all in this lgbt nuances and activism.’_

_‘Also this morning I woke up before you and I took time to watch you sleep. Yes call me creepy, compare me to Edward Stalker Cullen if you want. But I realized that I enjoyed having sex with you as much as I liked to just cuddle in the morning and see you drool on the pillow like the messy sleeper you are. So if you had doubt about my emotional attraction, I hope it reassure you a little. If I appreciate the sight of you with saliva dripping down your chin my attraction is obviously not just physical. Though it doesn’t mean I’m ready to scream it on rooftops, I am, I assume what I am and what I want in a different way than yours and it might take time before I’m ready to share this with others. For now I prefer to keep it to ourselves until I’m sure it’s going somewhere. So please be patient. I know you can be. I trust you to be. It’s a lot to deal with but I want to try.’_

It was…a lot to take in. And at the time extremely relieving. A last text appeared on his screen. More playful, less vulnerable, more like the Fenris he knew with his armor on.

_‘And if you feel bored you have interesting toys I found in your nightstand. A little size kink mage ?’_

His smile wasn’t altered in the least by the gentle mockery. On the contrary. 

When Fenris came back home he threw himself at him, greedy lips already devoring his mouth, relishing in the intimacy of their house that allowed him to openly show his affection. It would do for now.


	29. Day 29

_Celebrate a recent accomplishment._

“I want to make a toast to my wonderful and mighty victory !” Hawke sniffled exageratedly, standing on his chair, rising his glass.

“Stop climbing on the furniture in my workplace or I’ll kick this chair from under your feet.” Fenris grunted.

“Look at them ! Fenris gave his beer to Anders with a smile and this one thanked him ! And it looked sincere !” The big oaf ignored him, too busy clenching the fabric above his heart, forced tears in his eyes. “I am so proud of myself ! I think I might start a marriage agency or become a couple therapist, if my skills managed to bring these two together then no one should be able to resist me !”

His fist brandished to the sky, a determined expression on his face, he struck a pose. Obviously expecting people’s praises. Which never came. At best Varric patted his leg patronizingly while the other snickered. At Hawke’s antics and also at Anders and Fenris’s blushing, mortified faces. 

“Don’t worry Broody, if he break something I’ll be your witness and say you tried to stop him.”

Fenris shook his head resignedly before settling down near Anders. A pause had been granted by his boss and he took the opportunity to enjoy a good drink. Between Hawke’s incessant bragging and Isabela’s suggestive winks toward him and Anders, he needed one.

“My next step should be my little brother ! Don’t worry Carver, your big brother is going to realize you dreams and help you with your hopeless crush !”

Carver choked on his drink and Bethany had to hit his back to save him from suffocation. 

“What..What crush ?! I don’t...have any...” He spluttered, alarmingly glancing at Merrill who was inspecting the cocktail card, clueless. 

“No need to be ashamed, after all who wouldn’t like a women as charming as Mmmmmm oh fuck it hurts Anders ! What was that for ?!”

The blonde mage smirked, electricity still buzzing at the end of his fingers. Hawke was massaging his butt with a grimace. 

“You know exactly what this is for. Stop meddling with others business.”

“But...”

“Take care of your own first.” He retorted.

“Oh haha, really funny !”

Sulking, he tried to sit back on his chair and winced as his sore ass made contact with the wood. Good, maybe it would calm him down for some time. Fenris smirked. He wasn’t a fan of magic, far from it, but he had to admit that the way Anders used it was quite enjoyable sometimes. 

Sipping on his drink, he discreetly glanced at his mage...Ugh, when did he slip to the possessive pronoun ? Whatever. They were keeping it lowkey, acting as normally as possible. More friendly after a month of stupid bonding challenges but not betraying the more intimate nature of their relationship. It wasn’t the time nor the place, if one day they revealed this to their friends, it wouldn’t be when half of them were sober and certainly not at his workplace. He already imagined the scene Hawke would make. Loud, embarassing and potentially dangerous. For his health. Fenris couldn’t swear he wouldn’t harm him. Anders was happily chatting with Varric and Bethany, more cheerful than he had been before leaving home, when Fenris had asked him to avoid contacts. He had looked understanding but not really happy at the prospect. Guilty, he started to chew on his lips. He really didn’t like to put Anders in this position, to make him upset with his own limits. But like he said before he needed time if he wanted to grow confident enough to build a real thing with this draft of a relationship. Maker...the guilt wouldn’t leave him. Maybe he could...if he was cautious enough, he could give him a little sign. To reassure him. To give him a sign he cared under his nonchalant look.

“Oh my Fenris, feeling daring tonight ?” Isabela purred.

...Kaffas. Wrong leg. He drew his feet back, crimson painting his cheeks as he saw the woman lick her lips. 

“I...I was just crossing my legs, it was an accident.”

He dared to glance at Anders and internally winced when he saw his frown. Shit, did he think he was really flirting with Isabela ? No, it was ridiculous, he knew he wasn’t like this, he knew the only one he wanted was...well...oh Maker’s breath. He took the risk and carefully brushed his feet against Anders thigh, this time making sure he aimed right. Anders’s frown morphed into a surprised look, quickly repressed. Then a little smile tugged at his lips, one he hid in his drink. Good. He restrained a relieved sigh. 

“Of course hottie, you can ‘accidentally’ do a lot of things to me you know...” 

He rolled his eyes and got up.

“I’ll leave you at your fantaisies. I need to go back to my job.”

She blew him a kiss and he responded with a rude gesture. Then he left, not without catching Anders’s pleased gaze on him. It sends a wave of comforting warmth through his limbs and he had to hide his own smile. He walked toward the bar, he really had to go back to work actually, he wasn’t paid by talking and drinking with his friends. But first bathroom...No, not for this, oh fucking maker, he was smitten with Anders but not to the point to be...by a simple smile and a brush of feet. Ugh.

Quickly relieving himself, he walked to the sink to wash his hands. Behind him the door opened but he didn’t pay attention. Until hands were on his hips and lips on his neck. He froze.

“Isabela if you think I’m going to let you...”

A chuckle that was definitively not coming from a woman caressed his skin.

“Isabela’s chin is more smooth than mine, I don’t know how she would take it.”

Indeed stubble lightly scratched his neck, sending shivers down his spine. He turned around and met Anders’s mischevious grin. And despise the fact that anyone could walk on them he found himself unable not to return it.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of being trapped against the sinks ?” He quirked an eyebrow, crossing his arm.

“Well...” Anders drawled, pressing closer, lips ghosting above his. Fenris tensed, keeping an eye on the door but not pushing his mage away yet. “Hawke is celebrating the end of his monthly therapy. And I wanted to celebrate your first attempt at affection in public.”

A brief kiss was pressed against his nose, then another on his lips. For a second Fenris let himself melt into the kiss with an appreciative smirk. After all he would hear it if anyone opened the door and he would have time to part and do like if nothing happened. 

“Thank you. For trying.” Anders whispered against his lips. “I know it’s not easy.”

The last kiss, it was Fenris that dispensed it, slow and tender. It had been a risk. But it had been worth it, giving him a little more confidence. Maybe it wasn’t as terrible as he had expected it to be.

“You’re welcome.” 

Anders adressed him one last blinding smile. Like Isabela he blew him a kiss before leaving. Only this time Fenris pretended to catch it with a roll of his eye.


	30. +1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for making you wait one whole week and for this mess of a last chapter, I hope you’ll enjoy it despise some overdramatic angsty idiots and way too fast recounciliation.
> 
> Thank you for your support and comments, you have been so great during this challenge <3

(Some ambiance songs [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbQgXeY_zi4) and [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXkK0iEx-pg&feature=youtu.be) my dears)

 

* * *

 

 

As they approached Hawke’s house,Fenris let go of Anders’s hand. Bright and colored lights were coming through the windows, several shadows passed in front of them. The party must have started. He tried to ignore his boyfriend’s tired look in his direction. But Anders was decided to voice his annoyance tonight.

“We’re still acting like nothing happened ?”

He stayed silent, it was the safest choice right now, the usual excuses didn’t work anymore. Even himself knew they were getting old and outdated. 

“Fenris…It’s been almost a month.” Anders frowned and Fenris knew he was in for a lecture about his eternal cowardice toward their relationship. “At first I understood because we were still unsure about this and it scared you. But now we’re sure it’s more than sex.”

He winced. He knew it. He knew it, venhedis. If at first it had been a legit demand born from a valid fear, now it was mainly a habit. A habit he had difficulties to get ride off. It’s just…they were comfortable like this. Just the two of them, not bothered, no one to question them, to make them doubt about this. He didn’t want people to meddle with their relationship. He was raised in a place that valued keeping some things to yourself in order to preserve your life from others judgments and influence. And it was a good tactic to save what little intimacy and love you could find there. They had managed to reach a good balance, what if the addition of their friends in this equation ruined it ? What if Hawke mocked him because he was with a mage ? What if they doubted his ability to treat Anders with respect and love ? Himself was sometimes afraid that his visceral distrust could influence his attitude. He was afraid they would point things he feared about himself and this relationship, made Anders notice it was maybe too much of a risk. He wouldn’t stand it if what he put so much effort into crumbled down just like this. He put too much of himself in this to risk it, really. 

“I mean we sleep in the same bed, you cook for me, I give you massage…” Anders enumerated, counting on his fingers, expression growing more and more distressed. “..We cuddle on the couch, you even brought me lunch at work, and we give each others pet names goddamnit !”

He passed a hand in his hair, suddenly looking done and truly exhausted. Fenris was divided. What was the worse. Risking to imply their friends in this part of their life ? Or keeping Anders and him a secret when he knew it weighted on the mage so much that he was losing his patience and understanding ? He knew he was asking a lot of him, more than he should, more than he sometimes deserved. And he feared the possibility of Anders getting tired of this situation and deciding to find an easier relationship as much. Maybe he should just give up, any way there was a risk for it to end badly, may as well access to Anders’s request. At least if it failed he wouldn’t be the one to blame, less hard for his conscious to handle. He guessed. But this prideful, suspicious part of him that favored self-preservation pushed him to stay stubbornly silent.

“…I know it’s not easy for you and I wanted to be understanding at first but…Fenris I spent too much of my life hiding and deprived of freedom. I don’t want to keep secrets, I want to assume my choice and live them to the fullest. And I don’t want to be anyone’s little dirty secret…”

“You’re not…” This at least made him react, Anders was a secret yes but he wasn’t ashamed of him, he wasn’t dirty, he wasn’t wrong.

“Is it too much to ask to be able to kiss you without giving a fuck about the others ? I mean, if someone isn’t okay with us then fuck them, we don’t need unsupportive asses in our lives right ?”

This fucking smile. Open, hopeful, soft. He sighed….Maybe…maybe he could…They already touched each other discreetly when they were out. They even acted more and more friendly every day. Maybe if it was progressive, really progressive, and if they managed to keep Hawke from asking too many loud and obnoxious questions..

“Come on, it’s a party. We’re going to be in a crowd, lot of people will be drunk, they won’t really notice us. At least Hawke won’t be able to put us under a spotlight and interrogate us. Please ?”

He had to shut the cowardly little voice snapping at him to refuse. He had to think about it. Anders had valid points, he should accept, for him who already had been patient enough. If he asked more from him…Yeah, he should hold his hand and enter this house without fear and tell Hawke to fuck off if he had something to say about it. Gulping down his damn fears, he made a move to grab Anders’ hand. The door slammed open.

“Hey you two ! Why are you staying outside ?! Flirting and cooing under the moonlight ?!” Hawke mocked, words far from serious, more meant to provoke anger and disgust than blushes and embarassment.

Anders looked expectantly at him. He averted his eyes. The mage sighed before turning toward Hawke, throwing some retort to make any possible doubt vanish. Not that there was any, even to Hawke it seemed unbelievable for them to be a couple. It almost made Fenris doubt it too. He cursed under his breath, the bulge of stress in his stomach growing. 

 

oOo

 

Anders was a little drunk. Well he had to, in order to appease his annoyance and drown his stress. Fenris was…impossible. He had no problem fucking him and being attentionate at home. But one step outside and he was standing as far away from him as possible. Like if only brushing his hand would make the news write a paper about him, describing with many details how he had been bewitched by a mage and how he had no problem fucking him despise years and years of hateful comments about his kind. Like if anybody cared. Like if anybody would seriously object to their relationship. And even if they did…fuck he was more important than people’s opinion wasn’t he ?! He knew it wasn’t easy for Fenris and he could understand how past events could taint your present mentality…But after almost a month it was time to make a step forward right ? He gulped down his fourth glass of punch, in one go.

The idiot was in a corner of the room, nursing a glass, looking incredibly uneasy. Ander remembered how loud crowds made him feel. Trapped and anxious, he didn’t like to be alone in this type of atmosphere, it got on his nerves pretty quickly. His eyes were searching Anders’s and he had the gall to glare at him, like if he reproached him to be left alone. Empathy dangerously started to replace irritation and he bit his lips. He shouldn’t empathize. Mister Broody chose to be left alone sulking all by himself. But at the same time…Argh these puppy eyes….Okay…Okay he’ll give his ass of a lover a last chance. Slipping between people, he managed to reach the alcove where his partner was curled, just in front of a window, like he was ready to open it and jump outside if the mood became too overwhelming. Anders couldn’t help but smile while envisionning it. 

“Fenris are you going to spend the whole night here ?” He had to talk louder than usual to cover the sound of the party. 

The elf just shrugged, uneasy. His glare morphed into a sorry look as he gazed at Anders. This one realized he was really feeling guilty about earlier. If he did, maybe it would be easier to convince him this time. With alcohol and the need for company, maybe Fenris would yield to his demand, if he insisted enough. 

“Or maybe you could come dance with me ?”

Fenris tensed.

“Come on…Just a little dance ? For me ? Nobody will notice, please ?”

His pitiful gaze seemed to work its magic as reluctance slowly vanished from Fenris’s eyes. He sat beside him, extremely close, confronting him to his imploring eyes. Biting his lips, the elf seemed to hesitate. Then, he opened his mouth. Anders waited, expectantly, still using his best Puss in Boots gaze. A little helpless smirk appeared on Fenris lips. His body stiffened like someone ready to throw themselves into the fight and for a second he thought he was about to accept..

“Hey what’s up loseeeeers ?!”

…Until Hawke stumbled between them, passing his arms around their shoulders with a broad smile. Therapist Extraordinaire his ass, Anders groaned mentally, more like Cockblocker Phenomenal. Now any hint of determination had deserted Fenris’s face. Great. Fucking great. He pushed Hawke away, really getting tired of the situation.

“Hey noooo…Wait Anders, there’s a guyyyy, I’m sure you’ll love him, he’s hoooot…Totally your type !” The imbecile slurred, half-drunk but still coherent enough to utter his usual stupidities.

Fenris suddenly looked really alert, his eyes widening as his ears flattened on his head, betraying his displeasure. Anders almost winced. Fuck. This too. Hawke had tried to find him dates for some months now. He had tried to convince him he couldn’t, that he was taken, but with Fenris unwilling to come out and prove it, Hawke had thought he was just finding excuses or was embarassed to be single. And only got even more insistent. Anders didn’t want Fenris to find out, he didn’t want him to accept coming out just because this threath pressured him. So he had kept it to himself and did his best to refuse Hawke’s propositions. But now…he was almost at his breaking point, no idea left to convince Fenris to assume their relationship. Maybe this could make him react…without Anders accepting to make him jealous of course, maybe only the thought of Anders with someone else would be enough to…

“Tsk, not sure Anders will be his type though. Not if he have any standards.”

…Okay maybe the thought wasn’t enough…Maybe Anders needed to go to the next level to make Fenris sit on his pride and react without being a jerk ? His anger made him forget any patience or understanding. Denying their relation was already annoying. Belittling him because he was a bitter asshole and when it was his fault they were in this situation ? No fucking way. Alcohol mixed with rage, pooled in his belly and submerged his brain. 

“Oh yeah ? I’m this bad ? Then you won’t suffer my presence any longer. I’m going to dance. Maybe someone without standards will deign dance with me.”

He didn’t even feel bad when a sincere remorse painted Fenris’s features. Not this time. He won’t let himself getting soft after this, he won’t let him get away with his usual excuse. Preserving intimacy won’t be enough to excuse this. Fenris prefered to insult him rather than assuming their relation ? He thought it would be less difficult than accept to dance with him ? Well if he felt any attachment toward Anders, this one will prove him how wrong he was. 

As he stomped to the dancefloor, Hawke whooped.

And in no time a handsome man was approaching him, ready to make Fenris swallow back his words. He was tall, tanned, with short dark hair and piercing blue eyes that contrasted with his complexion. He was perfect and smiling and flattering. Only by using his body language and his facial expressions he knew how to communicate how Anders attracted him, how he wanted to dance with him, how he was maybe interested for more. He didn’t think, he let him approach. He didn’t even need to encourage him, in a flash he was one breath away. Hovering over him, eyes burning with desire as they contemplated him. He felt himself shivers with the intensity of this look. And…weirdly with uneasiness too. He shook his head, no, he had to let this man shower him with attention. He usually didn’t like to use people this way but…after all it was for a good reason, making Fenris regret his words and attitude. Plus he wasn’t even flirting, just letting this guy approach, which should be enough to produce jealousy when he saw how enterprising he acted…

Anders felt his determination waver a little as he noticed how lustful were the eyes roaming his body. Usually he would have relished in the feeling but…but he met Fenris’s eyes and guilt immediatly crept in his guts. He looked discomfited…betrayed. Fuck, he asked for it, he shouldn’t feel this bad, he should go on until he cracked and apologized, until he yielded to his demand even. It was just a dance damnit, it couldn’t be this terrible,not to the point that Fenris let someone else flirt with him just to save face. He had to stand the overwhelming attention a little longer, to see if Fenris reacted, if it was enough to make him go back on his stubborn ref…What the ?!

“Hey !”

The stranger grinned at him but Anders wasn’t pleased at all. Did this man…Did he really just pinched his ass ? First it hurt and not in the good way. Second he only let him dance around him, he didn’t give him the permission to go this far, nothing in his attitude induced he was open to be molested ! His frown didn’t affect the man’s smug smirk. Okay…This was maybe getting out of hand and too far. Maybe he should put an end to it before this stranger grew too confident and started to believe he really had a chance. Maybe he should take a step back, take a breath, calm his anger, sober up and calmly talk about it later with Fenris. There was a difference between dancing with a stranger and letting him grab his ass. A huge and disturbing gulf he won’t accept to cross. And he had to admit that the touch had not only been unwelcome, it also felt…wrong. The touch of someone that wasn’t Fenris felt…incredibly disturbing and he realized his most urgent desire right now was to get back into his lover arms to erase the feeling of another’s hands on his body. He resisted though, it wasn’t because an idiot molested him that he should run back at Fenris and forgive him. 

“No !” He raised his hand to accentuate his refusal, hoping the stranger could hear him over the music and other noises. “Sorry but no, I’m not…not interested, not like this !”

The guy still sported a wide grin, not putting any distance between them. Did he not hear ? Was it too loud to ? Anders opened his mouth ready to repeat as many time as necessary to make him stop his tendencious attitude.

“Not interested. I…I have a boyfriend.” He added, praying for it to be enough to make the guy back off. It wasn’t. This one just shrugged, even getting a little closer. 

“As long as he’s not here or he doesn’t mind sharing.” He winked at him. Well apparently he could hear him. And he didn’t give a fuck about Anders’s rejection. 

“Even if he did, I told you I am not interested.” He put his hand on his chest and firmly pushed him away, giving emphasis to his word. 

“Come on, who do you think you’re fooling ?” The guy’s grin morphed into a predatory scowl, it seemed he didn’t handle rejection well. “You dance like a bitch in heat and you expect me to believe you don’t want to be approached and fucked ?”

Wow. It was becoming downright ugly by the minute, he needed to get away and make sure this ass wouldn’t follow him. Once again he pushed away the stranger who tried to press back against him. Anders’s hands left his chest but the other grabbed his wrist, keeping him from fleeing the scene.

“What ? Getting shy all of sudden baby ? I know just the thing to loosen you up.”

Anders sent him his best glare, dark and murderous, full of promises of torture.

“Don’t you call me baby, you jerk. Now get the fuck off of me before I burn your crotch.”

“Oh but it’s already all hot for you…” He chuckled at his own, stupid, gross words.

Fuck. It was just his luck that his plan to make Fenris jealous backfired this quickly and this bad. Was it karma, did he go too far for the Maker’s tastes ? He didn’t think he deserved to be harassed just because he let someone dance around him to get his ass of a lover to react. And he didn’t think he deserved to have a hand crawling under his shirt either. This guy just signed his own death warrant.

His scream when he felt a shot of electricity course through his hand was most satisfying. Letting go, he took some steps back, eyes wide open with horror. If his face had previously lost any hint of kindness, it was now furious and disgusted.

“Great. A little mage slut. Just my luck.“

Oh great. A mage hater on top of being an harassing jerk. How original. Add templar to the picture and he would have the perfect cliché. Of course he couldn’t stumble upon a nice, understanding normal guy when he wanted to make Fenris jealous. No he had to get the perfect mix of everything he despised because life was fun like this.

“So on top of letting you dance like a whore, your boyfriend also allow you to leave the house and endanger everyone ?”

…Okay he hoped Hawke wouldn’t mind if he kicked a guest out of the house with a big, nice, ardent fireball in the…

“I do. What I don’t allow on the other hand is an asshole like you talking like this to him.”

The asshole in question looked as shocked as Anders when Fenris put himself between the two of them. He could only see his back but the way his shoulders tensed and his fist tightened allowed him to guess he was giving him the homicidal glare. The one that even made Isabela shut up in fear to be punched. 

“A little advice for you, when someone tell you ‘no’ you back the fuck off…” 

His voice was a feral growl by now, menacing, warning him that one more word, one more attempt at approaching and..

“Well instead of blaming me, you should keep your mage slut on a tighter leash.”

Too bad for him, this guy had no survival instinct. Fenris took a step forward, his posture alike to one of an animal ready to launch. The stranger cringed a little but tried to hide it under a provoking smirk.

“What are you going to do knife-ear ?” And racist. Eh, what did he expect ? “Do you think you’re scaring me with your ridiculous tattoos and white ha…”

Choking on his words, his eyes widened in astonishment as he felt his feet leave the ground. Fenris’s hold was crushing his throath, rendering his face more red than a bloody sangria. Oh fuck..If he was caught in one of his vengeful ire, there was little chances Fenris would stop before really hurting this guy. As much as Anders wanted to see this ass crawl at his feet, breath cut and neck crushed, he didn’t want his lover to get into troubles. 

“Fenris ! Stop !”

The elf send him a quick look and he shivered as he noticed how much rage was boiling into his eyes. Yes the situation definitely went too far. He had to put a stop to it.

“He’s not worth it ! Let’s just kick him out and leave it at that okay ?”

He cautiously put a hand on his lover’s shoulder, massaging it in order to appease him a little and weaken his death grip. Fenris’s ears twitched and his frown became hesitant. He glanced one more time in his direction. Anders gave him a pleading look, silently begging him to calm down and not to cause a murder tonight. Eventually Fenris huffed and slowly, reluctantly, lowered his arms. The minute the asshole’s feet connected back to the floor, he dragged him through the crowd, not leaving him the time to feel relief. Worried, wanting to make sure Fenris was indeed not going to give him a reason to call the cops, he followed them to the door. The elf opened it, paused, gave one last look to his victim. Anders rarely saw him this scornful. Oh Maker it really got out of hand didn’t it. 

“If I ever see you again around my boyfriend, I swear you’ll wish I just crushed your throath. Now get out you fucking dog.”

With a well-placed, hard kick in the ribs, Fenris sent him rolling down the stairs of the porch, howling in pain. Anders couldn’t help but feel a little pang of pride, despise the fucked up situation. The satisfaction filling his chest was tainted with some guilt. As good as seeing his lover defend him was, he never wanted it to end in a fight. He just wanted to make him a little jealous and go back on his words. Maybe force him to come out in front of the provocation. Which he did, he remembered, a warm feeling submerging him as he recalled Fenris claiming to be his boyfriend in public. He knew that he shouldn’t be too proud of the events but somehow it managed to make Fenris overcome his stubborness at assuming their relation so…

Fenris slammed the door shut. And spun on his heels to face him. His eyes still dark and furious. Uh-oh.

“Well…Hum…I…Thank you for the rescue even though I could have handled it, how about we..”

Fenris’s rough, aggressive, punishing kiss made him unable to finish his phrase. As brutally as Fenris pressed their lips together, he parted from him. Looking like he tasted something sour on Anders’s mouth. The warmth had deserted his chest, he realized that if Fenris came out, it absolutely didn’t mean he was happy about it, on the contrary. And who was he going to blame and get angry at ? Take a wild guess…

“Well why don’t you look more happy ?” He asked with a smile that held no joy nor tenderness. “That’s what you wanted right ? You made me yield, you pushed me to my limit.”

He didn’t have the words to express himself, too uneasy under Fenris’s upset gaze. He opened his mouth, tried to utter something, defend himself but gave up in the end. Fenris’s eyes looked past Anders’s shoulder and narrowed. What seemed like mortified resignation gathered in his eyes. Before Anders could see what caused this, he tugged on his arm and led him toward the stairs.

“Come. We have to talk now.”

As they went upstairs, Anders noticed Hawke right behind them, as well as his shocked gasp. Maker..Fenris was going to kill him right ? 

 

oOo

 

Saying he was angry would be the understatement of the century. He was completely mad. And if Anders hadn’t reasonned him, Hawke would have had a body to hide in the morning. 

“Fenris.”

He ignored the mage’s protest and continued to drag him toward a vacant room. He pushed some people in his wake but didn’t bother to apologize or answer to their outraged exclamations. He was busy restraining his emotion, one more conflict and he was sure to have another outburst. Once he found somewhere quiet and empty, he entered the room and locked the door behind him. Still firmly holding Anders’s wrist, communicating the extense of his anger through the rough way he gripped him. 

“Fenris !”

Turning toward his partner, he glared at him. How could he dare use this complaining tone because of the way Fenris handled him ? He deserved it, he provoked this, he was the one who put himself in this situation in the first place. Did he know how upset he was, how scared he felt when he saw him getting away and let some jerk dance around him ? He deserved his anger, he played on his fear and possessivness to make him do something he knew he wasn’t ready for.

“You’re hurting me.” Anders returned his glare. “I don’t want to use magic on you like I did with the other jerk, so please could you let me go ?”

He grimaced. He didn’t know if the menace was serious but Anders’s eyes were. His hand tightened instinctively and a flash of hurt passed on the mage’s face. He realized that maybe, indeed, he was being a little too rough. So he let go of his hand. The way he massaged his skin with a pained frown appeased his anger a little though. Willingly wounding Anders wasn’t on the program yet knowing he might have left a mark on him, a reminder of his fury, procured him a faint, vicious kind of pleasure. He knew he would surely regret it later but for now it sated his need to get back at Anders for what happened.

“…I thought you would enjoy us holding hand.” He smirked coldly, sarcasm and reproach heavy in his tone. 

“Don’t be like that…” Anders sighed. “Listen I’m sorry the situation got a little bit ouf of hand, I didn’t want it to…”

“Please that’s exactly what you wanted.” He snapped, pissed off by his blatant hypocrisy. “You can be so fucking manipulative when you want to. It serves you right that your plans backfired.”

He was. He knew that, as generous and kind Anders could be, he sometimes didn’t hesitate to manipulate those around him when he really wanted something. He didn’t even know if he realized it or if he felt bad about it. But he did and it was infuriating that he refused to recognize it when he had the proofs under his eyes. 

“I am not ! I…I was just dancing and this guy got too confident, I didn’t plan to…” 

Oh, he actually bit his lips, usual sign of anxiety. Maybe the earlier confrontation still disturbed him. Or maybe, deep down, his conscious was reminding him how much of a liar he was.

“You’re full of shit.” A bitter laugh escaped his mouth. “You wanted someone to flirt with you so it will make me crack. You wanted to force me to make our relation public. You managed to. Congratulations.”

Anders winced, remorse gathering in his eyes. So he knew he was right. But then he put on an outraged expression, ready to defend himself. Uh, he knew but it didn’t mean he was ready to assume his responsability right ?

“And even if I did what’s wrong with that ? What’s wrong with wanting my boyfriend to assume our relationship ?” And he had the gall to try putting the blame on him as well… “I don’t want to be a secret, I don’t want to be with someone who prefer to insult me in front of friends than admit he likes me. If you didn’t make this comment earlier I wouldn’t have…”

He actually averted his eyes as Anders pointed this. The words he uttered had been far from gentle, he wasn’t proud of the way he reacted. But still, it wasn’t an excuse…No he shouldn’t soften up, Anders was just trying to make him feel guilty in order to get away with his own responsabilities. 

“But you did, even if you knew I didn’t mean it. Even if you knew I was just scared and…” He retorted, an accusing finger pointed in his lover’s direction.

“Oh and its an excuse to belittle me then ?”

…No, no it truly wasn’t. But Anders should have known better. And his unkind comment wasn’t an excuse for the way he acted either. 

“I didn’t say that but if only you were less stubborn…”

“I am stubborn ?!” Anders bursted out laughing. A loud, humorless incredulous laugh. “Look who’s talking ! It’s your damn pride that caused this, your damn pride and cowardice that push you to hide me ! You know what ? I was starting to believe you really were ashamed of me ! Or that you simply don’t care, that you don’t like me but that I’m just someone to fuck to pass the time ! The fact that you defended me reassured me , it proves you do care a little bit at least…”

What in the void…Hadn’t he be clear about his intentions, his limits ? How could Anders misinterpret the situation like this, how could he twist the way Fenris saw and treated him so much ? Did he have so little trust in his words, in his affection ? 

“Of course I care ! How can you…After what I told you how can you think I don’t, how could you think I would see you like this ? But caring doesn’t mean I have to ravish you in public.”

“I’m not asking that of you, I just don’t want you to push me away anytime I want to hold your hand or insult me when I try to kiss you outside of the house ! Just a kiss on the lips, not an orlesian kiss, it can’t be this hard !”

It was..It was, not everyone could be as confident, as brash, as open as Anders, him who proned tolerance and understanding how could he show so little toward Fenris ?

“It is for me ! It is for someone who come from a culture where it’s almost taboo to show love toward your partner. Where it can easily be used against you especially when you were raised by a tutor who despise affection, who call it a weakness and doesn’t hesitate to ‘toughen’ you up. I had to hide my emotions and any person important to me for a long time so I wouldn’t endanger myself or them.”

Memory of this summer where he dared to give a peck on the cheek to the neighbor’s daughter flashed through his mind. He had no idea how Danarius learnt about it but in the end he received the adequate punition for this misdemeanor. And never dared to approach this girl again, terrified by the menaces his tutor uttered against her. He chased the memory away, he didn’t want Anders’s pity even if he needed his comprehension.

And it seemed to work. He didn’t know if it was his convincing arguments or the desperation that surely painted his face by now. But Anders frown had turned more contrite than angry and his posture had lost its hostility. He sighed, looking anywhere but at Fenris, like he didn’t want to be influenced by the emotion he read in his eyes. And even if he said he didn’t want pity, he sure hoped the pain and ire mixing in his stare would make him crack.

“…I…I’m sorry Fenris. I understand where you come from.”

He snorted. Right, didn’t look like it. Anders looked affronted yet his tone stayed as calm as possible.

“Trust me, I lived in a place where relationship were forbidden and even punished, my first boyfriend was sent away you know it. But I’m not there anymore and I don’t want to ever hide again, I now love freely and tell people who disapprove to go fuck themselves, it’s my way to get over it. You should be able to do the same !”

He should. Like it was this easy. A great sentiment of defeat and tirenedness was slowly mixing with and drowning his anger. How could his lover be this open-minded most of the time yet prove to be such an obtuse idiot with him ?

“Everybody don’t cope the same way, Anders. You shouldn’t force your opinion onto me, you should be able to understand and accept that not everyone is able to overcome conditionning this easily. As a doctor you should know not everyone deal with these things the same way.” 

Anders winced, not delighted at being attacked on his quality as a doctor. Good. Maybe that criticizing the thing he most wanted to do right would force him to listen carefully and register what he was saying.

“It’s not because I don’t fuck someone in public that I’m not accepting my emotions. Even among people who didn’t endure the same things as us, there are some who prefer to stay discreet about their intimacy and it’s not because they have a problem with their partner. Maybe I want to be like that, maybe I don’t want to scream my life on the rooftops just because I can. I know I’m not in Tevinter anymore but I don’t feel the need to sing a fucking rendition of ‘Let It Go’ to show everyone I’m breaking free from a whole part of my life. ”

The corner of Anders’s lips twisted slightly as he tried to restrain his amusment. And despise his glare Fenris could understand him, the comparison was quite ridiculous but he couldn’t think of anything else. Rolling his eyes, he promised himself that if Anders tried to bring it later or ever showed him a blue dress he would gag him with it. 

Eventually, the mage seemed to chase the need to giggle and adopted a more calm expression. Munching on his lips for a few seconds, he heaved a sigh.

“You’re right. Sorry.” 

His reluctance was obvious but he finally seemed to resign himself and declare forfeit. Walking to the bed, he sat, shoulders sagging under what must be the weight of his acts. Fenris was ready to respond, to find something slightly witty or sarcastic to retort. But Anders opened his mouth again, suddenly looking really hesitant and sheepish. Out of curiosity, Fenris let him talk, still ready to cut him if he tried to play the victim card though.

“I…I just…I guess my way to deal with my relationships isn’t as perfect as I make it out to be in my head. I mainly wanted you to come out because there’s always this little voice voicing my insecurities in a corner of my head. It makes me anxious, suspicious..”

Images of what exactly happened when this unfamous little voice of his started to influence him appeared in Fenris’s mind. The vision of a pale and sweaty Anders lying on the bathroom floor made him grunt. Kaffas, why did he have to talk about this, to use this when he wanted to be angry at him, when he refused to let any excuse soften him ? Despise his annoyance he couldn’t resolve to stop Anders from explaining himself. 

“When its getting serious with a partner I need to test them, to get proofs they’re not ashamed of me so I can tell the voice to fuck off and feel confident again. And…And for me proofs are demonstrative gestures of affection I guess. I don’t always notice the little things or the voice find them too tiny to be reassuring so I get demanding with my partner. Even if it cross their limits. My anxiety push me to forget that if people don’t see it my way it doesn’t mean they don’t care. And then I push and I push until they yield or just…give up…And then I tell myself that it was true then, they didn’t really…It’s a stupid vicious circle. I know…I know it doesn’t excuse everything but I also have my reasons for acting like this, for coercing you to come out as wrong as it is. I’m…I’m fucking stupid when I really like someone, I’m so afraid not to be enough or not to get enough that I just..And when you said this thing earlier it triggered this insecurity inside me and I just had to…test you. I’m sorry it was…stupid.”

Oh no…He had no right to hide his face in his sleeve to wipe his tears. He had no right to let his voice break like this, dripping with guilt and shame. He had no right to look this sincere and fragile and make Fenris accept his explanations. He tried to grab the last remain of anger that were slowly but surely vanishing from his mind. No, he wanted to stay furious, he didn’t want to forgive this easily, to soften and let Anders believe he could get away with some pitiful excuses…He was the one who should feel upset and receive understanding.

“And now I ruined it didn’t I ?”

Venhendis. 

With a frustrated groan he passed a hand through his hair. He doubted it was one of Anders’ manipulative trick but even if it had been he found himself unable to keep glaring at him. He guessed…He guessed Anders had recognized his fault somehow. And understood Fenris’s own reasons. He looked repentant and…and ready to hear Fenris tell him that yes he ruined it, that he was underserving of his affection, that he wasn’t worth it. Ready to be left alone with this little stupid voice in his head singing ‘I told you so’ while reminding him of all the reasons why he was too lame to be loved. Fuck. How could he be cruel enough to do this ?

Shaking his head with resignation, he took place beside Anders, suddenly feeling as exhausted as this one looked. After some reflexions he decided to make a peace attempt, to swallow down his wounded pride and think about this in a mature, thoughtful way. Anders looked too upset to be the voice of understanding for once. 

“…No…I’m just…I’m still pissed off about the way you forced me to come out but now that it’s done…It’s no use to fight about who was wrong we both…I guess we both had reasons. I’m not saying you were right but I knew you had anxiety issues and maybe I should have reassured you more.”

Now that he saw everything more clearly he realized he should have. Anders should have respected his limits but he also should have thought about their consequences on Anders and his low self-confidence. They should have talked more about it, he should have told him all of this from the start. Should have regularly asked how Anders was handling it, to relieve the strain it put on his mind before he cracked and everything blew up to their face like tonight. But it was too late and it was no use thinking about what they should have done. He should think about what to do now to fix the situation and manage to salavge their relation. Despise what happened, despise the anger and the betrayal, he didn’t wish to leave Anders and give up on this. Their first big fight was nothing compared to the weeks of happiness they shared, a happiness he didn’t feel in a long time and that he shouldn’t let go before the first obstacle they slammed into. 

Beside him Anders dropped his hand, uncovering his red-rimmed eyes. He wasn’t crying anymore but still looked deeply chagrined.

“Don’t it’s…I shouldn’t have pushed you, I should have taken time to listen to you and be more selfless…”

The way he recognized his bad deeds and assumed his own responsability appeased Fenris. He didn’t want to be the only one making concessions and showing humility. He wished for Anders to admit and realize he had some things to fix in his own behavior.

“You’re usually good at it but I guess I also pushed you to a limit. I’m sorry about what I said. I didn’t mean it, really.”

He didn’t. Really. It was only his damn jealousy and his own insecurity speaking. He knew Anders was a beautiful, interesting man, he knew how people were attracted to him. He couldn’t stand the possibility of him realizing it, realizing he could find someone less reserved than Fenris when there was so many men willing to easily flaunt their relationship in public. He had been afraid to be left alone so he covered his fear with harsh words.

After all this tension and confessions, he felt tired. His head was aching and his eyelids felt heavy. He wanted to lean against Anders, to nuzzle his neck and let the warm scent lull him. He barely cared about the fact that he was furious against him some minutes ago. Now that they both spoke their minds and…kind of apologized, he wanted to forget this and crawl back in his lover’s embrace to be reassured. It was a shitty night, tomorrow he was going to be confronted to Hawke’s knowing eyes despise his fear,some hurtful words and acts happened…He needed to forget for a second. They could just forget it in each others arms for the moment. He still had things he wanted to talk about but it could wait. For now he wanted to be comforted by the warm happiness he experienced these last weeks at Anders’s side, to make sure it was still there, ready to cover and protect him against his fears.

“…So…What do we do now ?”

Anders cautiously looked at him. Fenris almost told him everything that was on his mind but suddenly felt really self-conscious and shy. It was one thing to admit it to himself. Another to confess it out loud. So instead of asking, he carefully scooted closer and let himself fall on the mage’s shoulder. This one tensed a little, but eventually rubbed his cheek against his hair. It felt incredibly good and soothing.

“…Think about how we’re going to handle Hawke and the others I guess.” Fenris suggested, this preoccupation was real but his mind too tired to ring the alarm and worry over it right now.

“You know we can..we can fool him and make him believe it was a joke or a bet or…He’s not always really clever after all.” 

Anders laughed weakly, attempting to lighten the mood. Fenris heard the way his teeth latched on his lip and it made him smile for no reason. As annoying and stubborn his mage could be…he was too endeared with him to stay mad. Especially when guilt was so obvious in his attitude and voice.

“Hawke is slow and oblivious but not stupid. He saw me throw the asshole out and kiss you, it can hardly be mistaken for anything else than a fit of jealousy.”

“We can…tell him it was an hallucination ? How much alcohol did he have ?”

This time it was Fenris’s turn to chuckle. The determination Anders put into finding a way to save Fenris from the inevitable confrontation was cute. But his ideas ridiculous.

“Even if he had enough to replace his blood with it, this man never have hangovers or forget what happens.” He pointed, eliciting a small giggle from Anders. 

“Yeah he is annoying like that…”

“Anyway, now that the cat is out of the bag I don’t want to throw it back in it.” He declared, straightening up so he could see Anders’s face when they talked about the delicate matter of showing their relation in public. His mage looked painfully surprised and hopeful. “I should just…fully assume what I did. Still better than denying it and take the risk to let you get insecure until you make a scene again.”

He cringed at his own words who obviously wounded Anders if his ashamed frown was anything to get by. Kaffas he shouldn’t have…

“..I’m sorry. Again.”

Anders grabbed his hand, eyes begging him to believe in his guilt. He intertwined their fingers gently. It was no use to stay bitter about this now. Anders smiled.

“So..This mean we are officially together before the Maker and Chantry ?”

His smirk was faint but it was here and Fenris felt relieved to find a hint of his usual cheekiness. However it didn’t stop him from rolling his eyes.

“I guess. But I’m still uncomfortable at the idea of being too affectionate in public. So no kissing for now.”

It wasn’t open to debate. He made sure that Anders understood he wouldn’t discuss it and make compromises. Maybe later. But for now it was an unquestionnable condition. If he was to do this, it needed to be progressive. Under too much pressure he was afraid he would flee.

“Okay…What about holding hands to start ?” Anders suggested, tightening his hold around Fenris’s fingers.

“This I can do…I think.”

Yes. It could be a good start. An easy, comfortable start.

“If it makes you uneasy at one point tell me and I’ll let you go.”

Pleasantly surprised at Anders’s indulgence, he smiled. He would have thought he would be less arranging, that he would protest and try to convince him of being more open. He must have been pretty shaken by the events too. Maybe he was afraid of ruining the trust they slowly rebuilded by being too demanding.

“I…When I told you I wanted to be out, I didn’t mean to be overly affective. I just wanted to be honnest with everyone and to be able to do these things in public if we wanted to. Both of us, there’s no point if I was the only one enjoying it.”

Oh. Right. they should really have talked sooner instead of waiting for this bomb to explode and hurt them. Anyway. It was done, they had to dress these wounds and make sure it wouldn’t happen again. They had to find a good in between that would satisfy and reassure them both. And now he was conscious it wasn’t going to be difficult for him only, he had underestimated the extense of Anders’s distress.

“Okay…it’s not going to be easy for me I warn you, so I trust you to respect my limits this time. And in return I’ll try to reassure you more, to prove you you’re important to me.”

The mage nodded. They both stared at each other for a moment, calming down, holding hands. Despise the music coming through the wall and some screams from the partying guests, it was almost serene in the room. Words had been said, tension had left. Even if some elements still bothered Fenris’s mind, he didn’t feel any anger anymore. Until Anders spoke again.

“I thought you were going to kill the guy. I wouldn’t have minded though, I really stumbled upon the worst jerk ever.”

“I thought you were going to kill the guy. I wouldn’t have mind though, I really stumbled upon the worst jerk ever.”

Annoyance boiled again in his veins at the memory of this jerk. Grabbing Anders, calling him a slut, trying to force himself on what was his..

“I almost didn’t interfere, I didn’t want to play your game.” He admitted, deciding to be honnest. “But in the end I couldn’t ignore the way he touched you and insulted you. You even had to use magic to make him stop and it’s something you don’t use lightly, only when you really feel in danger.”

It was the instant he hadn’t been able to fake nonchalance anymore. Pushing Hawke, who was frowning at the scene but doing nothing, he had practically ran toward the guy in order to protect Anders. He had been angry yes, but he had refused to let anything happen to him just in order to make him regret his little plot.

“I didn’t like the contact of his skin on my own. At all. It was really disturbing. And he pinched my ass pretty hard, the moron.” Anders shuddered.

“I didn’t kick him enough.”

The mage laughed a little as he growled. Maybe the guy was still in front of the house. Maybe it was still time to strangle him. Crawling closer on the mattress, Anders leaned back against him.

“Would you…Would you mind giving me a hug ? I…I really need you to make me forget the feeling of this asshole’s touches. I mean we just got into a fight and yes, maybe it served me right, maybe it was karma for trying to make you regret your words so I’ll understand if you don’t feel up for this but…”

Before his rambling could get worse, Fenris dragged him into a firm, protective embrace. How could he say no when himself couldn’t bear the thought of these hands on Anders, when he wanted to replace their memories by his own caresses, to mark his territory anew.

“Shut up. I think I need it as much as you. Even if I’m still a little pissed off to be honnest.”

Relaxing into his arms, Anders even dared to climb onto is lap, hiding his face in the crook of his neck.

“…I’m sorry you know. Really. I had reasons but it doesn’t excuse it. Not totally. Even so I shouldn’t have pushed your limits, I should have been more patient. I hope I didn’t fuck everything up like I do everytime, please if I did tell me immediatly, it’s always less painful to remove a band-aid in one go than slowly you kn..”

Ugh…Could they forget about this and jump to the part where they just snuggled in silence, sheltered from anyone’s stares in a locked quiet room with a comfy bed already ? But he knew silence wasn’t Anders’s forte especially when distressed. And he didn’t have the will to find the words to calm him down anymore. So he used the most effective way to make Anders shut up. He tilted his head up and captured his mouth, smothering his voice. In one second the mage was kissing back, pliant and whining in his arms. Fuck. Was it normal to be this aroused by one kiss ? Shouldn’t he be put off by their recent fight ? Shouldn’t they wait a little before…Oh whatever. He needed to vent out the last remain of his anger and biting Anders’s neck was better than snapping at him. Much more productive and pleasurable indeed.

“Wow…” Anders moaned in his ear. “How did we go from ‘kissing you in public makes me uneasy’ to ‘I don’t mind fucking you in the guest room’ ? It’s the guest room right, I hope it is, imagine if it was Leandra’s ! Imagine Hawke’s face if he..no in fact don’t I don’t want you to…”

He growled, irritated by his mage’s incredible capacity to blabber in any circumstances. He had discovered that it was highly unlikely to render him speechless during sex, on the contrary. It had almost became a challenge for him in fact.

“It is the guest room and Hawke won’t know because you’ll do your best to stay quiet as I fuck you senseless…If you want it. Do you ?”

He backed off for a minute, taking a deep breath to regain some control. Anders was disheveled and desperate, his hands already working on his shirt’s buttons.  Was it healthy to do this ? He always thought sex should be made under some conditions only and the thought to make love to Anders with anger still present in the back of his mind worried him a little. When Isabela talked about hate-sex it always made him shudder because it seemed vicious and violent, why would you need to drag someone you despised in your bed, it would be twisted to inflict pain on them in this context. And even if he didn’t hate Anders, no he was just annoyed, he didn’t want to get carried away. So was it okay, was it normal if he wanted to fuck him despise their earlier fight and his actual state of mind ? He didn’t want to hurt him but he couldn’t deny he was feeling quite aggressive and the need to mark and roughen up Anders a little bit was stronger than usual.

“You know make-up sex doesn’t seem as bad as what you can read in fanfiction, so yes, I want to.” His mage smirked, cupping his cheek. “Don’t worry I trust you to stop if I told you to. What about you ? You’re sure you’re okay doing it here ?”

His expression turned serious and Fenris actually took some time to think about it. But in the end he nodded too.

“It’s locked, people are making a lot of noise, there’s music. And I trust you to keep it low.”

“And if I don’t ?” Anders waggled his eyebrows, a sparkle of defiance in his eyes. 

Fenris smirked. He wanted to play this game ? He was going to lose. Pushing Anders on his back, he launched onto his neck while his hands firmly grabbed his hips. Positionning himself between his legs, he rolled his hips against the mage’s. This one gasped needily, rolling back to get more friction. But Fenris pinned him down with a predatory smile.

“If you don’t, I’ll stop and leave you like this.”

His thumb found this little spot on Anders’s hips, the one that made him moan. The blonde muffled his voice behind his hand.

“Good. Where did he touch you ?”

The need to chase the sensation of this jerk’s hand from Anders body was imperious. He wanted to cover his skin with kisses and bites, to make him his, totally his. His mage was going to see he did care, that he could get jealous, that absolutely hated the idea of Anders letting someone else touch him, willingly or not. Fortunately for his sudden and intense urge, Anders wasn’t complaining about his possessivenes.

“My ass…”

He gasped as Fenris roughly palmed his cheeks. Fuck…He looked gorgeous, need and relief painting his face as his fingers brushed Fenris’s ears. A shiver travelled down his spin and he knew he was gone. To hell with Hawke and the other. It was too late to deny anything. And he wouldn’t know what happened in this room anyway. He would swallow any whine, smother any sob Anders might let out.

“My hips…My chest, my ears, my cock…”

Apparently Anders was as eager, enumerating any body parts he could find in order to get fondled everywhere. Fenris chuckled lowly.

“I would have noticed.”

“Let me take advantage of the opportunity your question gave me…My neck.”

This he gladly covered with hickeys. He almost stopped remembering he shouldn’t leave obvious marks, that people would notice…And then recalled his decision. And sucked with renewed energy on the tender skin. Now he could leave a mark, he finally allowed himself the basic pleasure of claiming Anders. It was primal, it was irrational, it was extremely gratifying.

“Mine…”

He frowned, suddenly unsure, wondering if his bites weren’t painful, if his hold on Anders’s hips wasn’t…

“…Yours.”

Anders moaned, his long legs circling his waist and dragging him down.

 

oOo

 

With the cold light of the morning sun came back the anxiety. Fenris was sitting on the edge of the bed, already dressed. Staring at the door with apprehension, like if he was about to step into court and being put through a trial. Anders finished to slip on his shirt before crawling on the mattress to embrace him from behind. He felt his chest rise as he took a deep breath.

He was divided. At the same time he was all too glad that Fenris finally accepted to assume their relation, he didn’t even mind his terms, they were perfectly acceptable and understandable. But he also felt bad about the way he coerced him into coming out. Fenris was right, he could be manipulative even if he tried to convince himself it was for a good cause.

“You’re sure you want to do it ?”

Even if he was ready to hear him say the dreaded ‘no’, he prayed really hard that he wouldn’t

“…Yes. Just give me a minute. It’s…not as simple as it seemed last night.”

He bet. He had been hard on Fenris. Too hard and not understanding enough. He was usually more patient, more tolerant, if only there hadn’t been this fucking insecurity crawling in his mind, pushing him to fuck things up…They could have found a way to do this more slowly, more gently, without rushing Fenris.

“I’m s…”

“Sorry I know. Could you stop apologizing, it’s not going to erase Hawke’s memory you know ?”

He jumped a little, getting away from his lover’s back, afraid he was being too pushy, too overwhelming again. Fenris sent him a brief look above his shoulder, full of frustration and remorse.

“..Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

Anders nodded. Carefully putting his hand on his shoulder, massaging the stiff muscles in what he hoped was a soothing manner. Fenris grabbed his hand, guided it to his mouth, kissed his fingers. Anders hoped it was giving him a little bit of comfort, of courage for what he was about to do. How could he not have seen how deeply this elf cared about him, how could he have doubted it when he changed so much, when he had become so tactile and tender with him. So different from the Fenris he lived with some months ago. He kissed his nap. Fenris sighed.

“You know we can leave without Hawke noticing. I know how to make a good rope with sheets, lot of experience in the Circle.” 

His attempt at joking seemed to work a little if Fenris’s small smile was anything to go by. But in the end he shook his head, refusing his tempting offer of epic escape.

“No, I don’t want Leandra to kill us for ruining these. Plus I think I almost prefer Hawke to the thorny bushes.”

Anders suddenly remembered Leandra’s magnificent roses bushes. Full of lethal thorns. He grimaced.

“..You could say both are a pain in the ass.”

Fenris groaned. He couldn’t help but giggle as he gave him an unimpressed stare. He knew it was lame and easy but the atmosphere felt less tense for a moment.

“Why do I like you again ?”

The tired smirk Fenris adressed him made him blush. It was so…affectionate…loving ? Despite his words, he felt that even if he couldn’t find any logical reasons to like Anders, he still would, irrationally, unconditionally…Hm he needed to calm down. He wasn’t in one of Varric’s fanfiction. It was too soon to assume such things. Not yet. Maybe one day. He chased his cheesy dreams away and pecked Fenris’s cheek instead.

“No idea. But I’m grateful for it.”

The elf slightly tilted his head, just enough to press their mouth together for a second. Then he got up on his feet and took a long inspiration. Anders joined him. Slipping his hand into Fenris’s, he gave him a wondering look, silently asking if it was okay. Fenris pressed back and he couldn’t fight a delighted grin. They opened the door. It was quiet. Either everyone was gone or they all passed out, completely wasted. Whatever, it meant less public, less curious eyes to put pressure on Fenris. He kept his hold lax enough to allow him to flee at any moment though. He didn’t want to force him into something he wasn’t comfortable, not anymore, he didn’t need a repeat from yesterday’s fiasco. He learned his lesson.

“I’m here. If anyone makes any comment I can burn their pants.” 

Fenris smirked as they got downstairs. Still no one. It was not until they passed in front of the kitchen’s open door that they found the only living being in the house. Of course it was Hawke. Petrified, his fork stuck between his lips, mouth full with breakfast as he stared at them.

Anders gave Fenris a worried look. Should they talk to him ? Should they just leave and come back later, when Fenris would truly be prepared ? His stomach growled as to respond to his dramatic internal dilemma. Fenris quirked an eyebrow at him. After some seconds of sheepishly smiling at his lover, Anders found himself dragged into the kitchen, guided to a chair. Fenris sat beside him, across from Hawke. His eyes reflecting a mix of anxiety and defiance. Anders ketp their fingers intertwined under the table. Which proved not to be really practical when he tried to reach for the plate of muffins set in the middle of the table. Hawke always knew how to treat them good the morning after a party, his pantry was even more well stocked than Bilbo’s. He still managed to grab a muffin and immediatly worked on filling his stomach. Also devoring food helped to keep his big mouth busy. Better than starting to blabber to fill the awkward silence. He didn’t want to take the risk to reveal anything that would embarass his elf. Fenris eventually reached for an apple. Hawke seemed to regain the control of his body. And, still looking like a rabbit caught in headlights, slowly finished his mouthful of cereals. When he finally dared to talk, his voice was unusually timid and tiny.

“So that’s why you came at gym with Anders’s cat sweat the other day ?”

Anders snorted. He couldn’t help it. It was stupidly nervous and uncontrollable. Sending a sorry look in Fenris’s direction, he noticed the flaring blush spreading on his face. This one seeked his eyes, his own wides and a little panicked. Anders loosened his hold on his hand reluctantly, trying to care more about his lover’s comfort than his selfish needs. But, to his surprise, Fenris held him back, pressing his fingers with urgency. Giving Anders a little, shaky nod, he brushed his thumb against his skin. This one tried to give him an encouraging smile, still surprised. He hadn’t expected…He would have thought that his first reaction would be to get away from Anders. He was glad he was wrong. He pressed back. Fenris’s eyes softened, panic vanishing, replaced by fondness.

“So I’m really a couple therapist extraordinaire ?”

Fenris turned back toward Hawke to grant him a deadly glare. As for Anders he merely kicked the idiot from under the table. The goof yowled in pain. Fenris smiled at him. They kept holding hand until they finished to eat and left the house. Walking into the fresh air of February’s morning, Anders dared to lean against Fenris. This one let him.


End file.
